Ed has the gift of not being predisposed to worry. Oh, sure, he'll say "I worry about you," but he doesn't really mean it. He takes each day as it presents itself and never frets about what to do should the sky come falling down on him, on us. It's a wonderful emotional balance, or hormonal alignment, or zen achievement, or whatever it is that leads him to this.
I'm more of a mixed bag. I suppose most of us are that way: some things cause us to freak out, sometimes for no good reason, while others stir up the anxiety juices in most out there, but we remain somehow untouched by the panic we should perhaps be feeling.
The morning was lovely. Yes, very cold, but the doggie sweaters did arrive overnight so I can dress the girl for her outing. With the compression of her fur by the sweater, she looks like a toy poodle!
Breakfast: she is on meds and wet food and she definitely is one of those dogs that finds wet food totally delicious. Me, I prefer my granola.
After a bit of dog training and play, I take the next important step in creating a good life for the two of us: I crate her and leave the house. No, she is not happy. I hear her howling. But I dont turn back. Unlike Henry, who damaged the crate trying to get out and disturbed neighbors with his bark-howling, Millie's voice is small. Woof woof followed by a squeaky howl. No one will be bothered.
I am going to be away for exactly two hours. I have my annual mammography (which is actually late because I did not want to do it before spring break travel), and I have a grocery list, and I have to vote.
Since my mom had breast cancer (but still lived to be 100!), the screenings for me are stressful. I imagine how much my year, indeed, my life would change were I to get distressing test result. When I was younger, I had lumps galore and surgeries to remove and test them. But I always came out clean (these days the procedures are so much simpler). And each time I did, I felt such incredible gratitude. To have this gift of another year without that particular worry felt incredible. Today? It feels grand as well. My clinic gives the results, they're good, and I breathe a huge sigh of relief. At my age, I really dont want to give up a year to being very sick. And at least for this -- I don't have to. How wonderful is that!
I go to the grocery store then. The fruit shelves are bare (frost killed much of what I eat for breakfast), but I find good mangoes and good granola, and good yogurts and pretty tulips, plus some essentials for next Sunday's dinner.
The voting? It's been a while since I voted in person and so I was surprised to be told that my polling place had changed. To a church. Where many poll workers sit and hardly any voters stop by (I was especially eager to cast my vote for the Supreme Court judge).
Millie hears me return. She starts in on the howl, the cry, and I put down my groceries and go to her. She has in fact wet her bedding, but I think that came with the relief of seeing me return. No problem, babe! We have a washing machine.
I've never seen her so jubilant -- her tail going a mile a minute, her licks, jumps, and smiling eyes having me feel so... loved! I cuddle with her on the couch. And do the laundry. And then we both set out to get the kids.
At Sparrow's school, I leave the car in the pick up line and take Millie for a little romp in their playing field. And then I reconsider. There are geese. They leave geese droppings. Millie... finds them fun to play with. The droppings, not the geese.
Once again, both kids are thrilled to be with Millie.
(in the car...)
(walking into the house...)
(leaving Sally's House...)
Do dogs worry? Of course they do. Millie is quite the worrier. Strange noises can get her going (though I have to admit, her bark is cute rather than threatening; still, were working on it). Big construction trucks across the street? Are you sure they're not monsters waiting to eat me up mommy?
Let's face it: none of us are like Ed. And maybe Ed isn't like he thinks he is either. To love life, your beloveds, your friends, plans, daily comings and goings -- is to occasionally worry. And then to let go of it all and exhale.
with so much love...