and the next day...

I woke up thinking that I took a step in the wrong direction. That I can slide the whole discussion Ed and I have been having under the rug and we can go on as before, and life would be so good, so easy! He has been trying very hard to get me to change my mind about moving. I can change my mind. Deposit lost, but mental health preserved. 

But then, I ask -- and you are willing to meet me halfway on this issue? Because to me, it's imperative that you are willing.

And we talk some more, all morning long and I see that he just wants a free pass, a slide under the rug, to be maybe resolved in the future and I have to remind him: Ed, we do not have much future left! We should have resolved this years ago! 

The move plans, therefore, are not altered. The lease is under my review. I sign it. The movers are booked.

 

I walk to the barn with a half smile. A week ago, I would have never guessed that I wont be watching the seasonal changes at the farmette through the kitchen window. 

Ed is up early and hovers in the kitchen as I fix breakfast for myself.

 

 

 

First, he trims some tomatoes from our garden for me to cook up tonight...

Then, of all things, to decides to bake an apple pie.

How many times has he baked an apple pie? Any pie?  

We talk again about how this move of mine is supposed to play out. He is so in favor of postponing it (well, actually cancelling it). But I don't see the point of dawdling and I haven't a clue how else to open his eyes to the fact that the ball is in his court. Even if he doesn't see it there.

All morning long I work on a massive clean out. This is the good side to all this! I am finally motivated to go through stacks of kid books, plastic toys, my old papers, clothes, all that. We have a car full of bags packed for Goodwill. 

And then it's time for me to pick up the girl.

Radiant and happy.

 

 

 

And just a little bit worried about her future at the farmhouse. About her future with Ed. We will both keep on reassuring her, but of course, we're on a new path here. Ed and I can only hope that it's leading to a good place. Maybe wanting a good outcome (as we both do) is enough. We shall see.

with so much love...