the one normal March Sunday

The first two Sundays of the month were packed with grandparent visits and Shakespeare shows that confounded the schedule. The following two Sundays will be even more confusing as I embark on a trip that is about as convoluted (in my opinion) as they come. But today? Today is normal! A Sunday, like all Sundays should be.

Albeit cold. Here's my prediction: this is the coldest we will be at until... next November! So on the one hand -- yes, cold. On the other -- it closes the pages on winter for us. Sure, we can have frosty nights all the way into May (don't I know it! All those pots of annuals that I have to bring inside then, because of a cold snap!). But today is the last day of daytime temps just above freezing. I don't often step into the the domain of meteorological predictions, but looking ahead I see that we are about to leave behind the cold windy chilly I-really-dont-want-to-go-outside days. Yeah!

Nonetheless, there are morning chores that require outdoor strolls and I do them rather late because who wants to get out of a warm comfy bed on a cold morning?!

(Despite the cold, there is spring birdsong, loud and compelling; a Blue Jay, a Black-capped Chickadee, outperforming each other, while the chickens march on, accompanied by Tuxie and Pancake)

It amazes me how long it takes: chicken feeding, Sunday indoor plant watering...

 (the orchids that I bring in for the winter have bloomed all season long)

 

 

... cat feeding in three places, drinking station resupplied outside, then indoors -- fruits to cut up, buns to reheat, coffee to make and finally -- breakfast to eat!

By the time I'm done with all that it is 11 am. I kid you not.

Ed goes out to work on trimming the fallen tree. We have two people who would take it off of our lot -- a neighbor who'll use it for firewood and someone else who would use it to build a staircase. We puzzle over this -- is there really enough wood for a whole staircase? We put off both offers for now, waiting to see if someone will surface with a more creative (artsy maybe?) idea.

I then concentrate on doing a bit of house clearing and cleaning and boom! It's time to get dinner ready for the young family. The regular Sunday dinner that hasn't been so regular lately. And it wont be, going forward. Our next regular Sunday dinner wont take place at the farmhouse until... Easter! 

And because everything has been so irregular in every respect, it feels all the more special when everything is just normal!

All kids healthy and accounted for! Parents too!

(Dinner, just before 7 p.m., in sunshine!)

 

 

On a normal Sunday of the past, I would have had little reason to come back to The News at the end of a post, or to cite to compelling articles that summarize an out of control spin into the unknown. And you know what -- I'll follow that tradition tonight! Yes, I read plenty in the course of the day. But late in the evening, after the last dish had been washed and the last cheese crumb swept from under the table, Ed and I put on a recent video clip about farming on Just a Few Acres. It's like a lullaby -- slow paced and soothing. Perfect for the end to a very plain and simple Sunday.

with love...

I remember when

If you have read Like a Swallow, you may remember that it starts with the theme of how a Polish child may have felt spending time in the U.S. during the Cold War. Not a Polish immigrant, because I wasn't that, but a child from Poland who would soon be returning to Poland. I remember always feeling uncomfortable with the question -- where are you from. And I was glad that I attained English fluency and so after a year or two, no one would ask. I hid my identity pretty well. 

It's not that I was embarrassed in revealing my Polishness. It's just that I felt that I would be ascribed traits that weren't necessarily mine. I believed that people would simplify the narrative: I was from Poland (true), Poland was communist (well, sort of...), therefore my parents were communists (it's complicated), wanting to dominate the world (not even close). I could almost see the thoughts rapidly forming in their heads -- you're Polish? Oh..... The best I could hope for (in my mind) would be -- you're very nice and normal, for being Polish.

In about a week I'll be traveling to countries of western Europe. I cannot believe that I have before me the same angst that stayed with me when I was a Polish child in America. Only now it's the flip side of it: I will get asked (because I always get asked) -- where are you from? (In one country I'm fairly fluent in their language so they wont immediately guess, but in a second one I can just hobble along, obviously a foreigner, and in the third -- I dont speak a work of their language so I have to flip to English. American English.) I'll answer -- United States, wishing I could add qualifiers to this pronouncement right away, to dispel assumptions. Or, maybe I should just wear this button? A preemptive announcement?

(I don't like buttons that say "he's not my president" because in fact, like it or not, he is legitimately my president.)

I have friends who are spending a year in Germany right now. They've been traveling around Europe a lot. I ask them today -- how has it been for you? Do people glare at you? (I am especially curious now, as it appears our leadership is in the process of banning or severely restricting tourism or any travel from countries "we don't like.") My friend (who was once a fellow blogger, so I'm sure he wont mind the cite) wrote back -- 

So far, we have gotten no flak, wry looks, or other disparaging behavior due to Trump. Nor have we found that people initiate conversations about Trump, though (my wife) often does, and the responses are supportive. In Germany, at least,...they probably have acculturated themselves to the idea that individuals can be different from their leaders.

Yes, I have to think people are polite, but were I in their place, knowing that 45% of Americans approve of the leadership at this point, I'd wonder -- are you one of those?

Storms passed through at night, pushing away the warm air, bringing with them winds and somewhat cooler readings. I walk to the barn, still on the lookout for emergent growth. It's still not very emergent! But, there are some greening tips breaking through the ground. And if you look carefully at the grassy fields, they are showing an ever so slight green color. New grass, definitely poking through. See it?

Since it's Saturday, I get in the car to head over to Madison Sourdough for our breakfast treats. And this is when I slam on the brakes and look at our front yard. Somehow we slept right through it! Half of a maple tree, downed by the winds.

Oh my. On the upside -- it seems to have fallen in a way that caused minimal damage. No crushed cars on the road. No downed wires. And the house is standing! It did fall on part of the front flower bed, but hey, it could have been so much worse.

(onto the bakery: the lakes are all thawed and there is a slight haze... kind of pretty actually)

 

 

I come back, we eat breakfast, a cardinal outside keeps us company...

Ed then gets to work on cutting up the tree. I'm thinking it will take him a while to clear that whole trunk, but he has other ideas: remember when I off-loaded the fallen box elder on Craigslist to a wood cutter? I'll see if anyone wants a whole sugar maple. 

 

 

In the meantime, I drive back to Madison Sourdough where I left behind one of my ordered items (a baguette). It's promising to be that kind of a day!

(back home now: he is still at it -- trimming the trunk, hauling away the sawed off lumber)

 

But, we break from adversity and face the pleasure of being in a warm house with good foods and great readings. I zoom with my friend, Ed goes off to play pool with his friend.

Eventually though I get back to reading The News. And I know you, being good humans out there, have read enough and have listened enough. I know you deserve a break from the onslaught of stories that break your heart. But I'm going to give you one anyway -- from today's New Yorker. An interview done by that publication's longstanding  editor, David Remnick of Atul Gawande a brilliant physician who worked as an administrator for the Bureau of Global Health at USAID. I'm giving you the link and I do hope you read it. Because our hearts must be broken in order to pull ourselves out of the cruelty of this moment. 

Cheeper egg supper. Evening visitors:

 

 

 

Let me end this post with a picture of a wall mural which I noticed on my walk up to the entrance of Madison Sourdough. It stood out for me...

with so much love...

too much of a good thing?

Red-winged Blackbird, Northern Cardinal, Brown-headed Cowbird, Killdeer, House Sparrow, Dark-eyed Junco, Song Sparrow. Oh, and a Canadian Goose. Canada's retaliatory gift to us (such a mean bird!). These are the birds I hear this morning as I walk to the barn to feed the animals.

 But, but -- what about the lunar eclipse? Did I get up for it -- you may be asking.

I did. I walked out onto the driveway about 2:30 a.m., when the moon was mostly eclipsed. Was it worth it? Eh. I expected radiant color. There was none. Still, I took a picture, then went back to sleep.

Now back to the morning: it'll be warm today. Perhaps not record breaking, but still -- a high of 75F/24C. How to treat this day that is showing its best face... Well, let me bike to Tati's neighborhood coffee shop and pick up something for breakfast. Cinnamon roll to share... yum! (And absentee ballots to fill out and mail in.)
 

Ed has a busy early afternoon and I have a busy late afternoon, but we have a short window in the morning and we use it to prune the fruit trees in the new orchard. 

(and the cat watched...)

(and the chickens came to see what's up...)

 

 

Ed keeps saying he doesn't really know how to do a good pruning job. And he is correct -- we were clumsy at the outset and the trees grew in ways that an experienced fruit tree farmer would laugh at. Still, there are basic ideas that I follow: trim out the new runners, the inside branches, and the ones that bump into others. Create air flow. And so we proceed.

 

After Ed goes off for his work, I continue working in the yard. More trimming, clearing, pruning. And pulling out creeping charlie! The nuisance plant! I can't believe that my crocuses and snowdrops and daffodils are still underground, but the creeping charlie is starting to assert itself! (Big groan...)

 

From there -- to the grocery store and back home again for a quick unpack -- no time for lunch today! -- I'm off again, to do a hiking shoe exchange, and finally -- I get in line to pick up the kids at school. 

Now, how do you handle the treat situation? The once a week french fries and once a week ice cream promise fails when you have only one day this week to do anything at all. Easy! You do both.

And now we are home, reading, playing, eating. 

Yes, it's a rushed day -- I fit a lot into it. But I'm up for it. I had a gentler pace going earlier in the week. I can shift gears for a while. Reminds me of younger years, when this kind of day was my everyday. 

It would have been a calm evening, except that I choked on a piece of food. No kidding! Wedged piece of radicchio!  Would that ever be a dumb way to die or what?? I can hear it now: she lived a full life, only to give it up to radicchio... The jokes would have to fly! Ed was home and kept telling me that since I was breathing, I was not in danger. Nonetheless, two minutes into this drama and we were on our way to the ER. He was enough flustered that he backed my car into a tree stump. Good fortune then came our way as I managed to expel the chunk out before I had to embarrass myself by stumbling into a hospital choked up over... radicchio. 

There is a lesson to this: rush if you have to, but do eat slowly and with care.

with so much love ...

 

still climbing

Ed does not shy away from the difficult. And he will never shy away from helping an animal in distress. These are my morning thoughts. 

In my previous life (the one before Ed came onto the scene 19.5 years ago), I was the go-to person when a crisis struck at home. Leaky ceiling, raccoons nesting on the roof, gutters overflowing, woodpeckers making holes in the wooden siding. But even then, some of my interventions were of the kind where I had to call someone else to solve the problem (the raccoons nesting on the roof come to mind). I know my limits and dealing with invading wild animals is something I'll leave to others.

Not so Ed. And this morning, I was very thankful for that.

The day started off beautifully: more sunshine, and even warmer temps. (High of 65F/18C.) True, those early spring flowers remain buried, so I avoid looking down. No need to feel disappointment on a day like this! And oh, the northern cardinal is singing so beautifully, and the skies are so blue...

I walk to the barn, animals all around me. Shed cats, Pancake, chickens. 

I reach the barn and there I see him -- a huge possum. The thing is, he'd gotten into the cage we leave open -- to scare off predators (on our own trap and release system that sort of works) and occasionally, for the persistent ones, to take them to a place far away, where we are allowed to release. But this guy took it upon himself to gnaw at the cage wires and his entire mouth got trapped in the wire rims. Wide open, teeth showing. (Some slight scratches  to mouth, but basically just stuck.)

What would you do? 

My first thought was to take him to an animal hospital where he would surely be euthanized. That was not Ed's first thought. I call him, he comes out, gloves on, pliers in hand. 

I can't even watch this -- prying a possum's sharp jaws and stuck nose out of the cage grid. (The chickens, however, walk by nonchalantly, as if it wasn't their Darth Vader staring from behind bars, with killer teeth on full display.)

In the end, Ed was successful, the possum was saved and released far from the coop and I doubt that he'll return, unless he's one of those who likes to come back to taunt his enemies. We know the type, right?

 

Breakfast, calm. 

We discuss the day's possibilities. Childcare is postponed again until tomorrow, so we have time for a more ambitious hike. Since it's been so dry, maybe we should give the longer Ice Age trail at Brooklyn Wildlife Area a try? 

Yeah!

 

True, I wish we'd find a spec of green. It is always the groan about March in Wisconsin -- that it doesn't deliver fast enough! We want lightning speed changes. Right now, when we're just days away from calendar spring.

Still, it sure is lovely to be outside, with just a light hoodie. Take in that warm air! Indulge yourself in thoughts of what's just around the corner.

It's like the day before Christmas Eve -- the excitement is there. Soon the gifts of the growing season will be heaped upon us. Soon.

Tonight we'll have a total lunar eclipse. A blood worm moon -- tinted red and symbolizing the movement of worms with the coming of spring. Will I see it? That would require me getting up in the middle of the night and going out onto the road for a good view. Small likelihood. For now, just enjoy the fullness of the moon. It shines brightly on all of us tonight...

with love...

climbing up, at least weather wise

Weather wise, we are late (almost no bulb tips are visible, and there are no blooms at all, anywhere on farmette lands), but we are climbing up today. Back to sunshine with warming temperatures.

Health wise, the girl is back in school, though I'm giving it a 24 hour wait, as per guidelines, before I return to childcare.

Farmette life is good, Ed and I are happily anticipating spring.

But the country is in trouble and because we are who we are (simply put, a big country with heretofore unmatched influence in this world), the world is in trouble. You don't buy it? I'm gifting you not one but two articles from the NYTimes today -- one from their conservative  columnist and one from a centrist guy. I'm not even pointing you to liberal news feeds. There's no need to go there to feel the utter weight and gravity of our political and economic situation right now. The day we let Musk buy his way into every corner of American governance, the day Poland has to contemplate (as it is doing) equipping itself with nuclear weapons, I can confidently say America has lost her way.

Are you despondent yet? 

I said to Ed this morning as we were picking and choosing stories to read from our news feeds -- don't you miss those days (not so long ago!) when reading the morning paper was boring? 

 

(brown landscape)

 

In animal news -- the cats are squabbling again. This time it's the sheep shed bunch. Pancake, the one who got quite the beating from an outsider a few days ago, seems fine, with just a few scabs remaining. (Feral cats have incredible immunity systems! Yes, they have a shorter life span -- that's because they do lose some wars, mostly to cars.) The threesome in the sheep shed? My god. The ruckus! The snarling and spinning in what can only be described as a cat ball of fire! Tuxie finally ran away. I yelled at the remaining two. Pancake stood outside, peering in fascination. And five minutes later, Tuxie came back, resumed her position on a shed cushion in the sun, as if nothing had happened. Did I tell you that we do not understand cat dynamics?

Breakfast, with tulips inside because there sure as hell aren't any outside.

Topic for this morning? Religion! There is an article in the paper today with the intriguing title "The Share of Religious Americans Will Continue to Decline." (No gift! I'm running out of them this month!) It's intriguing because I had just read last week that the comprehensive and very recent Pew Research Landscape Study documented a leveling off of religion abandoners in recent years. So what gives?

It turns out that boomers (my generation) is actually holding steady in their affiliation with religion. (Nonreligious people in my demographic are currently at 20%.) However, the trends are entirely different for the Millennials (my daughters' generation) and even stronger in the opposite direction (abandoning religion) among the Gen Z groups. There, more than 40% consider themselves "nones" (no religion). As the Silent Generation (the one before me) and the Boomers (me!) fade out of the picture, these "nones" will replace them. And their numbers are growing: for every 6 who leave religion, one joins. And for every one who leaves the ranks of the "nones," 6 join.

I see now why those who remain close to their church have toughened their stance in matters of faith. The threat of extinction always hardens the fight for those who remain. 

Having grown up in a very, very, very Catholic country (my brief life among the one per centers! In postwar Poland, those who weren't Catholic were in that kind of a minority position), and having moved to a country with a greater diversity of faiths, I can say with confidence that I prefer diversity and tolerance over homogeneity and fanaticism. I can only hope that even as we lose our democracy and global leadership position here in America, we will remain diverse and tolerant of our fellow women and men's approach to faith. (Or lack thereof.)

 

In the afternoon, I bike to do errands. The pharmacy is a mere 35 minutes away. UPS -- just a few more. And it is a beautiful ride!

There is a mismatch between the weather (warming up!) and the landscape, but that's okay. Flora will catch up after a good feeding of sun and rain.

In the evening, Ed goes off to do his Wednesday night bike ride -- the first of the year! I know the grill: he'll come back stiff and exhausted. Nonetheless, it is thrilling to be on a spring schedule already. Totally thrilling.

Me, I revel in my new arrival: a medium suitcase! Perhaps you can't appreciate the thrill I have in working the locks, peering inside it's cavernous insides. Having traveled with only a carry-on for decades now (expandable to be sure, but still -- small!), I am imagining all the squeezing that I do not have to do with this new one. And, no more lifting up an overstuffed bag into the overhead compartment, pretending that it's not too heavy at all! Will I ever go back to just a carry-on? Sure. But not when the trip is more than 10 days long. I mean, I'm not an Ed, who'll never take more than a duffel bag with him anywhere ("just rinse the stuff out of you think it's over the top dirty!"). Though I have to admit, I sneaked the case upstairs while he was out biking. I will have let him down with my expansionist view of "travel with more" rather than the old "travel with less." Even if it is just a medium suitcase. Not a large. Medium!

 with love...

March pause

So far, one grandchild is down with the flu. This means that a parent must stay home with her and it also means that I cannot babysit today. Influenza type A has been spreading wildly and savagely here, in Wisconsin (we are among the dozen states with the highest reported cases according to the still functioning CDC). I am working hard to avoid viruses, masking at the theater, masking at the clinic, and, most importantly, avoiding contact with those infected. It pretty much means that Ed and I are in a pseudo isolation mode right now. Which, honestly, sort of describes our daily life anyway, with the exception of family and the occasional friend encounters. Some people would shake their heads in dismay at this retreat into our farmette bubble, but the truth is -- we like it! (Again, with the caveat that we love my family, the occasional friend encounters, and of course, for me -- travel, which rips me out of my isolation completely.)

This morning we do have the expected cool down. Forgivable! We're not even halfway through March (at the same time that March is speeding by so quickly, don't you think?). 

We're coming around to a more normal schedule. Breakfast is only a little bit late.

Because yesterday's outing was more physically challenging than, say, a walk around the farmette lands, we decided to go easy today. No biking. A simple half hour walk in our local park. 

And despite the chill in the air, the sun felt warm on our faces! Gloriously warm

Back at home, I got a message that Snowdrop wants to Zoom. Great idea! We can finish the book we were reading at the farmhouse.)

And we do. And I think to myself -- wow, how times have changed. When Covid struck, Snowdrop was just five and Sparrow was one and a half. We stopped our visits in the fall when parents needed to reintegrate into society. Zoom wasn't handy then. I continued to read with Snowdrop, but outside, at a distance. Fast forward  to this day and here we are, perhaps not loving the remote reading as much as a couch moment, but still, it feels effortless and almost normal. Yeah, how much we've changed in these post Covid years!

In the evening I make a pot of chicken noodle soup. It isn't that the day demands it -- we're not sick. The weather, if not balmy, is certainly bouncing in positive territory. And yet there's so much going on right now, on the world stage, and especially in this country, that the head spins and the soul shakes. Yeah, I think chicken noodle soup is a fine idea.

with so much love...

joyful weather and then some!

Okay, this is beyond fabulous: sunny today, and a high of 69f (21c). There will be a lot of ping pong bounce in temperatures in the next two weeks but without doubt, we are in spring territory! 

 

 

 

I want to search for flower tips this morning. Really, where are they? I have a very tiny success in this.

How could we be this much behind in this year's growing season? I check Ocean posts from years past: on March 10th of last year, our crocuses were at their fullest bloom. But was that an anomaly? In 2023, we had a huge snowstorm and we went skiing on this day.  In 2022 we had traces of snow on the ground. In 2021, we had emergent tips of bulbs -- so, slightly better, but not by much. And in 2020? Well, that was a sad set of days! Covid struck. Suddenly the absence of crocuses slips to a very low tier of importance. 

Ed is wrapped up in machine testing and analysis this morning, so I eat breakfast alone. It's late enough! We haven't quite switched to Daylight Savings Time in our habits.

Since I do not have child care today (another grandmother is still visiting and the two older kids are off from school), and since the day promises to deliver one fine stretch of warmth and sunshine, Ed and I decide to do a bike excursion to the Olbrich Gardens. I'm in search of spring growth and the Madison metropolitan area always gets a head start on this. Us rural folk trail behind.

The bike ride itself should take no more than 50 minutes each way, but it takes us significantly longer to pedal back. The winds are strong and I try to limit my electric assist.

But it is a magnificent ride! 

On the way there, we stop off at Madison Sourdough. I pick up a coffee and some pastries and we take these with us to the Gardens. You cant eat inside the Gardens, but there a tables just by the entrance and we claim one for this heavenly picnic in the sunshine. In this somewhat sheltered space, the wind is minimal and I am down to... a cami!

As we nibble on an almond croissant and a pain au raisin,  I tell Ed about an article I read this morning about two men from Mexico -- one illegal and one who eventually claimed citizenship -- who'd been working in this country (in Chicago) for many years. Both are Trump supporters. Despite the fact that one is threatened with deportation and the other has relatives that are threatened with deportation. So why this seemingly nonsensical backing of a person who may disrupt or even destroy their livelihood? Well, according to this article  (from the NYT) -- they're angry. The Venezuelan migrants who sought asylum were dumped in Chicago, busloads of them, but they came with papers, phones, insurance, vouchers and scheduled hearings. The Mexicans got none of this. And, in their view, the Democrats didn't do enough to create pathways to citizenship for them. I found one reader's comment  (it received the most thumbs up votes) interesting: They've become true Americans! Willing to hurt even themselves as long as they can be assured that someone else isn't getting anything more than they themselves have gotten. And so I ask Ed -- don't you sometimes vote against your self interest? I mean, you (and your partner) started a company, so you are an entrepreneur, you have at least some investments, so presumably you should vote Republican. (Forget about Trump who is not a true Republican.) But you consistently vote for Democrats. Not for business friendly Republicans.

I swear I hear him snort at this. I absolutely vote with self-interest! In the recent decades, America's strongest economic growth has been under Democratic presidents. They've given us stability, regulatory certainty, and opened up markets. And please, it's not in my self interest to breathe polluted air and watch the poisoning of our environment (something that Republican politicians seem to be comfortable with).

 

We go inside the Gardens. I know where to look -- right by the birch trees. And yes! The snowdrops have opened up! Our first blooms of the season!

Everything else is deeply buried under last years spent growth. Brown on brown. Just like at the farmette.

We bike home deeply satisfied. Wind and sun, pastries and flowers. Could it be a more beautiful afternoon?

Sure, a cool-down is coming tomorrow. But who can complain -- today was so completely sublime!

with love...

joyful weather, continued

As promised, the skies are blue, the temps are rising. It is, in one word, joyful out there!

 

It's thrilling to be alive in this moment, at this time and in this place.

And yes, I even like Daylight Savings Time, though I understand the arguments on the other side.

Speaking of arguments on the other side, they bring me back to politics, but not in the way I've been confronting them in recent weeks. Today, after a delicious breakfast of sweet nothings...

... I glanced through the paper and settled on reading Ezra Klein's opinion piece in the NYTimes. The title tells you a lot about its content: There is a Liberal Answer to the Trump-Musk Wrecking Ball. (And yes, I. gifted it for you so you can read it for free if you want.) It's not a piece I especially stand behind or for that matter disagree with. But I read most of the Readers Picks comments that followed and I must say, I very much liked the discussion the article provoked. So much so that I kept interrupting Ed's work on his machining design to share and discuss points raised in Klein's piece and in the comments section. I spent a good two hours on this -- obviously a luxury only a person without family and work obligations can have. But here's the point -- it's a hugely challenging topic: how to govern in the America we have today. It's clear that we don't have a consensus on how to move forward. Many think our country right now is ungovernable. (In Klein's piece -- that would mean that we are incapable of building a fast speed train in America, in the same way that we cannot provide health care for all.) Many weighed in from other countries (prominently from Europe, also from Japan -- democratic countries where high speed rail service is superb). And many weighed in from states featured prominently in the article (California of course, but also Texas).

The point is that Trump is a horrible nightmare, but also in a way a distraction. Weighing the divergent opinions on what's missing in the lives of so many Americans (enough so that they would vote for Trump) and how to address what Klein calls this "crisis of scarcity or perception of scarcity" is what we have to do now. Intelligently. None of the solutions will come from the leadership in place at the moment. Of that I am sure. (Indeed, none have been proposed. Wrecking is not the same as building.) So what's next? Even if I may not have strong opinions on this, I thoroughly enjoyed and benefited from reading the opinions of others. It was a morning well spent.

[And yes, I have an update or two: Pancake still comes and goes. He is eating well and looks somewhat better. Thank you all for your concern about his fate and sharing your worries with me. Ed and I both think that the downsides of trapping him and taking him to the vet outweigh the potential benefit. We've trapped 7 of the ferals thus far so we know what's at stake. Pancake is not a good candidate for this right now. Indeed, this evening, he was once more embroiled in a fight with the interloper cat. We don't understand the dynamics, nor even who the aggressor is, but my guess is that Pancake lives to defend his territory and right now, he considers the farmette lands his territory. And in other news, I decided to give a hard-shell suitcase a try! I know it will get scuffed up. Who cares. I need to try something different from what I've been with for decades now.]

 In the afternoon Ed and I bike to McFarland -- the town across Lake Waubesa. It's a brilliant day for it, albeit windy! Still, Ed's down to shorts and a t-shirt. (We have a high of 59F/15C.)

(biking next to the railway tracks and a sandhill crane)

 

As is our love, we go to the Cafe there (Grace), where Ed eats lunch and I sip a latte. Total bliss.

On the return, he asks -- want to go the hard way?  Well that's ambitious! The "hard way" loops around a bunch of hills -- more of an exertion for him. I can always up the electrical boost. But yes, it's beautiful out there, let's give ourselves that challenge.

We pause by Lake Waubesa. It's melting, but not totally yet. 

 

 

There is a dock at the side. We park our bikes and sit, facing the sun. Soon my sweatshirt and my shirt come off. I tell Ed -- if you close your eyes, it's like the Alps on a sunny day. Utterly sublime.

It is true that I return to the nightmare of tax forms afterwards. I still had to do my mother's taxes and I spend some time on finishing those today. It is the last tangible thing that I have to do for her and it does feel very final. I was "in charge" of her life for so many years now that it almost felt like I'd always been in charge and to some extent it was indeed on me -- to get her through her separation from my father way back in 1980, to support her various moves, to make sure she had the income to take care of her expenses, and finally to make decisions for her, even as she resisted my decisions to the very end. With a person her age (she almost made it to 101!), you're always wondering if you did the right thing. If you filled out the right forms, purchased the needed goods and services, maximized her well being. You need to be tough to withstand the protest, the dissatisfaction, the constant anguish coming from someone who didn't think life had been fair to her. And yet, on balance, it all worked out pretty well. She lost her vision two days before she died. In the 71 years that our lives overlapped, she never went hungry: she had climbed out of childhood poverty remarkably well. And of course, there was always family for her -- sometimes to feel good about, oftentimes to grumble about, always to add interest and rich emotion. So yes, tax forms filed, a door closed. What is left -- well, you leave behind memories. She did that. They are plentiful -- rich in color, drama, and a certain perseverance. She was there, for 71 years of my life, she was there.

There is no Sunday dinner today. My daughter's family is ensconced in the visits of other grandparents. What with the play and various friend parties and sleepovers and performances, they've had a packed weekend. If they need anything, it's quiet time.

Which means Ed and I, too, have a quiet evening at home. For us, this is the epitome of luxury. Not having to go out, not needing to do anything really except cook up a few farmette eggs, add some veggies, make a salad and flip on a show for an evening of light viewing. Something with laughter. Yes, we've had a good set of days.

with so much love...