mother's day

I think of this day as creating an opportunity for us to think about motherhood. We're all born of mothers. Most of us were raised by mothers. In fact, in the U.S., close to a quarter of all kids are raised by single mothers. And we all have feelings, usually strong feeling about our mothers. Without doubt, a majority of all moms work extremely hard at their parental responsibility. But it's also true that a number of moms cannot give the warmth, support, security, unconditional love that their kids deserve. That all kids deserve. Do we pressure women to become moms? Do we stress them out by making it impossible to combine motherhood with... life? Or do we throw them to the wolves because our priorities lie elsewhere?

Still, I'm always impressed at how many celebrities (in all fields) do credit their moms for their success. And it seems genuine. Oftentimes their mothers are no longer living so you know it's not just a show of child gratitude that's expected. 

Far too many good moms, indeed, hardworking great moms worry about their parenting. Usually those who worry and fret are the ones that actually have little reason to feel they're not doing enough, not giving enough of themselves. Worry in this sphere is, unfortunately, often a sign that you are phenomenally grand, more so than a child could ever hope to have in a caregiver. And yet, you continue to fret and worry and ruminate and think about how maybe you should improve your parenting strategy. You have one chance to do it right and you do not want to fail those you love so much. Even as you have to accept the possibility that maybe your strategy needs tweaking.

On the other side, those of us who feel let down by our moms sometimes worry that we could have done something to spin that ship around and make a better success of the whole thing. Children, after all, are key players in this dynamic. Could have I shown a better understanding of what happened to cause the ship to take on water and ultimately sink? Could have I worked harder to bail out the water? Yes, I could have. But would that have been healthy for anyone? Perhaps being a good child means investing in something else, in moving on? 

In other words, this whole mother thing can be complicated. In theory -- so simple. Love your child, accept the love of your mom. The devil is in the detail! 

 

Once I had kids, I've always liked Mother's Day. To me, this annual focus on motherhood allows your kids to take a pause in their never-ending demands. It allows you to say -- hey, I'm trying really really hard. Thank you for understanding! 

Sometimes you even get a present, or a day off from fixing a meal. I heard on the radio that in the U.S., money spent on brunches today is somewhere around $38 billions.) What's not to love?!

 

It is, perhaps, unfair to lump together being mom with owning a dog and thus being a dog mom, but if marketing departments are allowed to do it, so can I! In addition to being a granddaughter, a daughter, a mom, and a grandmother, I am, of course, Millie's mom.  And to prove her worth, the girl wakes extra early today. No late breakfast in bed from her! She is done with sleeping by 6.

The day is cool, but pretty too. We take a longer walk and though sanity would call for an indoor breakfast, I take the show to the porch.

With sunshine, the day give the appearance of being warm. And it is in fact delightful out there.

I have given up on Sunday's agility class for the pup. She had to skip two classes because of her tummy issues, so she is behind, even as she already was the least practiced pup of the group. And I found it hard to restrain her friendliness. Waiting for our turn in the holding pen and not being allowed to greet other dogs or humans was torture for her and therefore for me. So, no more agility. I'm working on commands at home. 

Instead, we go to the doggie park at noon. There is not a single other pooch in the small dog section. I suppose small dogs are typically pets to families or households with women in them, and all these families and women are out having brunch! 

 

 

Millie has a grand time anyway. I am so very grateful for this park! She can sniff out all those crazy scents, she can run wild, or she can trot by my side and take in the numerous compliments I throw out at her. Millie is such a good girl! 

 

 

Since we pass the farmette to get to the park (until they finish the road linking the development with better park access), Millie and I stop by to see what Ed's up to. Clearing the buck-thorn still! 

Back home, she rests, I get the house a little in order. The young family is coming over for a Chinese takeout meal. I get their company (and gifts!) without having to cook!

(hey, is it Mother's Day or Millie's day?)

 

 

(a mom with her kids: three plus dog)

 

 

(dinner)

 

 

(pup cups: a dab of whipped cream)

 

 

The thing about being a mother is that you're never done with it. Your kid can be an adult with a completely independent life and still, your emotional investment in that relationship, in that person is huge. For the child too. She can try all her life to become someone who is in no way like her mother, but it'll be work. How many times have I let an expression slip out and my kids will say -- ohhh, just like grandma! Sometimes I look at my aging face in a photo and think -- wow, there's a lot of my mother in that expression. Even when I'm smiling (a rare beast for her).

Motherhood! Of course most women who care for kids say it is the most important job they do. What other work is 'round the clock and offers no retirement and fills you with tears and joy, sometimes all in one day? Sure, your kids may someday take care of you, hopefully in ways that are compassionate. After all, you don't want to be a dementia ridden invalid any more than they want to care for you in that state. And still, you'll be the mother figure. The history of your life with them will always stick to their heart, mind and soul. Trust me, they will remember the day you forgot to send in the permission slip for a field trip, and locked them out of the house by mistake. The hope is that they will also remember how much you loved them. Totally, sometimes desperately, and in my case, most certainly with humility.

Yes, with love always. 

for the birds

A morning pre-breakfast walk with Millie: if you enjoy the light, the quiet, the freshness of an early stroll, then today's Millie walk is near perfect. Cool but not cold. Weekend peace. The smell of spring. I almost always take Millie to an empty lot just two blocks west of us. It's grassy and offers plenty of sniffing opportunities. She likes it and I do too. We circle it, crisscrossing the field until she is satisfied. 

Well, this is what we did in the past. Since last night, the field is off limits. We have been fiercely warned to stay off. Why? For whatever reason, it is now the home of a family of Killdeer birds. Two adults and at least four or five baby birds, darting back and forth. if we get anywhere near the grass, the adults swoop up and down, trilling as only this bird can trill -- they're called killdeer because the sound they make sounds like a piercing shout "kildeeeee!" Bird people sometimes call them the noisy plover. I had my phone with me and I managed a really not good photo of them. The little chicks blend with the dandelion puffs, the big birds move ever so quickly, and in the meantime Millie is pulling to go on her usual trot through the field, wondering what the heck is going on. So, a lousy photo, but I like it anyway, for the joy of listening to and watching this family that somehow has managed to escape predators and eager dogs alike.

(one mama, two babies, lots of dandelion puffs)

It's only in the 50sF (about 12C), but I take my breakfast outside anyway. I'm tired of waiting for a warmer day.

Millie agrees.

 

 

As for Millie's health -- are we on an upswing? Well, that depends what you would call an upswing. Did she eat this morning? She did not. Did she throw up the water she drank? Yes she did. Is she bouncy? Initially yes...

(combed and lookin' good... for a few minutes anyway!)

.. but now in deep sleep. Did I call the vet? Yes I did. Have we any clarity of why this pup is perpetually struggling with digestion? We do not. Might it be nothing to worry about? Yes it might. Am I worried? Not yet.

 

 

 

The young family is itching to go to the downtown farmers market. I agree to meet them there. I thought I might scooter over, but frankly, it's just a bit to chilly for a ride in the open air. But unexpectedly, the sun comes out and suddenly it is one glorious day! And the market is not too crowded because it's Graduation Weekend and much of Madison is preoccupied with that event.

I get there early and do my own quick shopping. Tulips, honey, and tomato plants. The tomatoes are an impulse purchase and considering Ed's plantings, a bit silly. But, he starts his seedlings late and they take a while to develop and I am interested in doing this as much for the kids as for myself. I dont have the space for it in the ground, but I figure a few big pots would carry them through spring and once I move, I can put them, pots and all, in the Steffi garden space.

(gorgeous tulips!)

 

 

 (granddaughter, helping)

 

 

Once the three kids plus mommy show up, I focus less on the market and more on their antics. 

Which are sweet...

Exfiltrating...

Special.

 

 

 

Delightful.

 

 

Snowdrop says what we're all thinking -- May really is the most beautiful month!

They eat a picnic lunch...

And then we split up again -- I have a two hour meter parking and besides, Millie was bereft when I left her at home. I need to reassure her that life as she knows it has not come to an end!

 

In the afternoon I have two imperatives: pick up some soil for the tomatoes at the farmette, and give Millie a good run in the small dog park.

 

 

 

 

 

From the park to the farmette.. So beautiful in May!

 

 

 

 

 

I work in some weeding while Millie rests on the red chair, watching.

(she's on my lap here, trying to figure out if Pancake the feral cat is friend or foe.. A piece of advice Millie -- he's not friend material, though Ed would claim otherwise)

 

 

In the evening, Ed comes over for supper and a few shows that are favorites from way back. Millie seems happy and healthy once more. May it last!

with so much love...

 

Friday relief

Well now, this has to be an up day! Worries of night frost are behind us. My pup is bouncy (is there maybe such a thing as too bouncy? Especially before I've had my mug of milky coffee?) and shows no sign of illness. Remarkable! Is she finally shedding her sensitivities? I can't tell of course, but I'll take this day as a gift!

Breakfast is very unremarkable. Too cold to eat outside and in the kitchen, my flowers are on their last breath. Must do something about that today...

Millie naps. This is so much her routine and I enjoy this period of quiet togetherness (even if she often chooses to stare at my feet from underneath the couch) as much as I enjoyed it with the two big dogs. 

When she wakes, we do some gardening together. I have a "patio tree" that needs to be transplanted. Millie is there with me, looking for dirt to lick up. She finds it. 

Patio trees are my fresh gardening interest. I dont much care about anything at Sally's House except the porch plants, which eventually will make their way to Steffi's House. These are seasonal and 90% of them will wind up in the compost pile come October. But were I to cultivate trees grown in pots, I could bring them in for a continued period of bloom indoors. Theoretically.

Steffi's House (unlike the Sally place) has plenty of sunlight and I can't wait for that aspect of it. To have the last ray leave the living room space by 10 a.m. is depressing. I can't imagine how gloomy winter would be where I am now. With sunshine will come space for over-wintering the patio trees. A new gardening experience for me (as is finding trees that will not kill or upset the digestion of Millie, who is a picky eater but finds things like leaves, grass, twigs and dirt highly attractive).

Just after the noon hour, my pooch and I drive down to the farmette. I think she's getting to recognize the language of "we're going to see Ed at the farm!" (I figure "farmette" is too fru fru for her.) Once again, she is in love with her walk here. A roll in cut grass clippings? Heaven!

Ed is working in the back, clearing fallen trees. He pauses for a break with us. 

I swear, Millie is in a state of total bliss.

I comment to Ed that it's just pure sublime to linger like this in the quiet of the farmette lands, with all trees now fully displaying their gentle green. But of course, it's not always like this. We know too well that by mid June, the mosquitoes start to make their presence known, and by early July you cannot let yourself linger in a grassy field for long. By August, you're running to get inside, and if you're crazy enough to want to snip lilies, you have to keep a free hand to slap down the mosquitoes that land on you. You start to hate being outside. The screened porch is your friend. Everything else is... difficult.

 

 

 

But now, on this gorgeous day, lying down on a grassy slope is pure heaven.

 

I take Millie to doggie day care then. Just for three hours. It's true that she would also get her fill of doggie play at the park, but at the day care place they keep a sharp eye on how the dogs play. Indeed, I ask then today -- how does she manage with the big dogs? One of her human friends tells me -- she mostly ignores them. There's one doodle that is larger than her, but he is very good with little dogs. She likes to play with him. That's my girl -- I think, with some amount of mommy pride! 

 

And then I am finally with my daughter and her two big kids, and we drive out to a nursery to look at trees. 

The nursery (K&A) is large and beautiful. So many trees! My daughter wants two small pines and a crab apple. She tells the two kids that they can pick something small as well. Sparrow's choice is indeed small.

Snowdrop's choice? A willow. That will grow. And grow. And grow. It's already big!

Their mom really really wants a crab apple. Unfortunately, the only ones here are... also big! Add to all this the two small pines and a lilac (well yeah!)...

... and we have ourselves a lot of trees! 

 

 

 

And one vehicle. And two kids. And bags of dirt. And me.

I can't imagine how we can get all this into the car.

And yet... we do. Determination is a great tool for impossible situations.

 

 

 

I pick up Millie. A happy, tired, disheveled little girl. Sort of like her human mom! 

 

with so much love... 

groundhog spring

It's such a common reference -- Groundhog Day, the movie. It's symbolic of repetition. Something that should have been a one off, comes back again and again. I feel like this season has a lot of Groundhog in it. Weather patterns that spin around and come back to bug us. First the storms. One, after the next, and then another. The unseasonable chill, with frost threats at night. Just one more time. And then one more. And then one after that. And how about Millie, my five and a half month old pup? She was so healthy yesterday! This morning? She wont eat a thing, her bounce is there no more. Basically, she has spent the morning hiding under the couch.

I can do nothing about the weather (except apologize to my porch plants again and again). I focus my efforts instead on Millie. Another call to the vet's. I'm the Groundhog thorn in their side. Every day, Nina, Millie's mom is there with a question. They consult with the vets. Maybe a reaction to yesterday's vaccination? Keep an eye on her. 

The day needs a re-write. She was to go to doggie daycare. I was to take my daughter tree shopping at lunch time. And of course, there are the kid pickups. Hmmm.... Millie gives one withering look...

 

... then hides. I pull her out from under the couch and snuggle her in my lap for about a half hour. She dozes. I doze. Sorry Millie, I need my morning coffee! I put her down, she retreats under the couch, I eat my morning meal, next to a plant brought in because of last night's frost. And yes, we fell to one degree below freezing. I think the rest of the plants are okay, only because the porch tends to be just a tad better off than the rest of the world out there. 

I postpone tree shopping, I turn my attention to more mundane chores, keeping an eye on Millie, as instructed. (Ha! Do I ever not keep an eye on her?). By noon, she revives somewhat. Ed asks if we might meet up at Tati's for lunch. Millie tells me she is up for it.

So maybe it was just a post-vaccine slump? I take her for a couple of hours to doggie day care. I tell them she may want to hang back a bit today, and as I say this she bounds in, tail wagging, jumps all over her favorite daycare person and runs in to the playroom. So much for hanging back.

I pick up the kids and then I take the older one to get a hair cut. Her hair has been falling into her eyes and she looks like a version of Millie. Sparrow comes along just because he's under my care this afternoon. He brings his tablet but refuses to sit in any visible area. Not sure why. Maybe thinks he'll get roped into getting a cut too?

She comes out groomed and trimmed. 

Home for them. I pick up Millie. Definitely recovered. For now. Tomorrow? Oh who knows. It'll probably be cold again and she'll have another reason for me to call the vet. What an interesting spring this is!

with so much love...