May Sunday

Not out of the woods yet.

You're thinking I'm going to complain about the weather? No. It's not that I haven't something to gripe about there: we're in May and it's too cold to eat breakfast outside. Indeed, after tomorrow, the entire week will be cold, though at least the threat of night frost is behind us. But this isn't on my mind. I'm getting used to a May with my hoodie.

My attention, however, is on Millie. Here we are, starting the fifth week of life together and the girl has been presenting one health issue after the next. I have no reason to think that she was poorly treated as a little pup. And I know her parents are healthy. And of course, she's been mollycoddled here. Lots of vet visits, good food, appropriate exercise and socialization. 

She was again sick at night. If I had to take a guess, I would say it's the fault of her meds. She's finishing a round of them, and the last time she was finishing the same meds, she was also very sick. Can't be a coincidence. So no, I'm not freaking out. Nonetheless, I have to place limits on her activities. I'll skip agility class once again. It should be a calm day for us. One of these weeks we will wake up strong and carefree, ready to sail through without vet consults and diagnostic speculations, but clearly that week has not yet come for us. 

Millie is not a rescue and most pups that you pick up directly from a litter come with health guarantees. In other words, I can return Millie, since at least one of the problems she has had dates back to when she was with her litter still. I'm not even tempted to do that. Frankly, small dogs that have health problems are easier (though not cheaper!) to take care of than big dogs with behavioral challenges. And I can't say that I don't have time for all this (though she has already preempted my travel to Chicago last week, and will likely do so for this entire month: you can't board a pup who wakes up with issues and who still has potty accidents). Though I am in a good position to help her get strong, still, I am so looking forward to having at least a few weeks where all I have to deal with are her playful bouts of naughtiness and silly antics. We are not there yet.

Breakfast, sigh, inside. But with emerging lilies of the valley from the farmette!

In the early afternoon, Ed shows up on his bike. I had asked him to help me start up the new lawn mower. I'd never had a battery operated one and although I am perfectly capable of reading instructions, with Ed there I can shortcut the stuff that I do not need to read. (The machine comes with three booklets.)

Mowing the lawn here is one of those odious chores that does not thrill me, but honestly, the yard here is so small that it takes me all of five minutes. Ed and Millie watch. 

Since the day suddenly turned magnificently lovely, we opt for a bike ride, and since Millie slept the entire morning and is now bouncing around, rather than to leave her in the crate, I pop her into the bike seat and we set out.

It is one windy day! Heading out, the wind is on our backs. This is not a good thing. You tend to go too far and then struggle to get back. Notably too, Millie is not yet comfortable in the bike seat and so I have to cuddle her to calm her down. 

Should we do the full loop? Our usual 45 minuter? Or a variation on the above? Should we stop at the dog park? Go to the lake? See the turtles? So many possibilities! 

In the end we do indeed bike the full loop, with pauses at the park to see the turtles...

And by the lake, because this is our favorite contemplative moment.

(wait, don't we usually do a selfie here?)

 

 

And then Millie and I bike to the farmette with Ed. Because she likes it there, and because I could use some fresh lilac branches.

In the late afternoon we are home again. And to her credit, Millie does not throw up until we pull into the garage! I can hose down the mess! The wind, the motion, the bumps and her fragile tummy today are not a great combination.  But I am convinced that she grows stronger when she overcomes these challenges. I see that in her reactions to our outings.

I have to hurry then to fix dinner for the young family. They are here with the usual high energy and enthusiasm. And Millie love.

 

  

 

(Goose, getting his share of attention) 

 

 

(dancing)

 

 

(Polish boy's folk costume cap, discovered) 

 

 

(dinner)

 

 

It's a beautiful evening, on top of a beautiful day. To be outside, to do the bike loop again, to open the porch door fully on a warm evening, kids, dogs, going in and out  --  this is what we wait for. Millie, this is what spring is all about.

with so much love... 

 

 

all over the place

Strange weather. Frost this morning. (I'm glad I brought the plants in.) By Monday it will be 80F/27C. Then on Wednesday, my plants will be shivering again as we hover at night just above freezing. Sweatshirt and jacket today, t-shirt and shorts Monday.

Millie is feeling much better. Her cough seems to be there no more. She finished her parasite meds today. She should be good to go (until her next round of whatever). Because it's a weekend, I weigh our options. Over breakfast, which looks like something out of a flower shop or greenhouse (all those plants, waiting for the air to warm up out on the porch).

My pup rests and plays -- the usual morning sweetness interspersed with naughtiness, just to see if I'm paying attention.

 

 

 

As I think about how to structure our day, Ed calls and it strikes me that maybe a walk in the small dog park would be nice. I offer to pick him up (the farmette is on the way) right after I stop over at Steffi's House, where one planted rose is showing no sign of growth and the other is drying up from lack of water. It's hard to garden at a distance, even a small distance!

As I pour some water over these struggling plants, the neighbor comes over to chat.

Do you live here?

Actually no. There's a renter in the house until the end of June. After that -- yes, I will be moving in.

Oh, that's good to know! Cant wait to tell my wife -- we've been so curious about this house.

Have you ever seen the guy who supposedly lives there?

No, not at all...

A mystery to be sure. No one comes in or leaves, the shades are always drawn. Weird.

 

(picking up Ed, I take a minute to admire the last days of the blooming crab apple)

 

 

At the dog park, Millie meets up with like-minded and like-sized pooches and jumps all over their owners thinking them to be her friends as well, otherwise why else would they be there?

Her run is so different from a big dog's, but so fast and sweet!

 

 

 

(comparing notes with a new friend, a white poodle) 

 

 

(classic Millie jump)

 

 

It's a great day for a walk (and a run for her), but I have to say, this is small stuff, compared to the laps we used to do with the big dogs.

Ed comments at my diminished exercise over the past month. Isn't there anything you really enjoy doing?

Well lots, it's just not very aerobic.  

 

The three of us go to Tati's for lunch. She has grown so much in the last week or two! -- this from the barista there. It's so cool to be recognized for your dog! Millie, of course, is happy as a clam to be here. The familiar is always wonderful for her. Uncertainty? Her worst enemy. When I tell her "we're going for a car ride!" she runs away and hides under the couch. Car ride to where -- she wants to know. I've been feeding her words to remember: farmette, Ed, doggie day care, vet, dog park, Tati's. Over time, she'll feel the reassurance of knowing it's nothing like "some strange place where I will be abandoned never to see another friend or my mama again!"

At home, I put the four bare-root plants into temporary homes. They'll have to wait until the end of May for their space in Steffi's garden.  I'm hoping they wont mind this month of transition.

 

Evening. Just Millie and me tonight. We watch a movie, she plays. And as usual, barks at her reflection wherever it may appear. Dogs do not have visual self awareness. If they develop indifference to themselves in a mirror or reflection, it's because there is no scent associated with the image. Millie has not developed that indifference ("habituation") yet. And of course, us humans think it's funny that a dog would bark at herself. Me -- well, I was convinced for a while that I could teach her, by allowing her to see me, alongside the reflection of me. See Millie? That's me and this is me! But of course, I'm working against nature here. I've abandoned that now and just listen to her yap away at herself for a short while come evening. 

Hey, no frost tonight, or any night in the remaining spring weeks! I am grateful!

 with so much love... 

cold

A chilly start to a beautiful month. Last night, I brought in the one plant that hates this kind of weather most and left the rest outside. We stayed about a degree above freezing. I can't breathe as sigh of relief because this night will be the real challenge -- the last of the frosty ones until September or October. The weather people are saying it'll drop to 31F or 32F. Either way, that's bad news for my annuals. Millie or not, I'll have to bring some plants in and cover the rest with a sheet. Or two sheets. (You can also buy plant sheets specifically designed for frost protection, but you have to wake up to this several days before you actually need them.)

Cold, blustery, not at all something you'd like to wake up to on May 1st.

Well, never mind -- it's another "Millie and me" day. 

With yet another breakfast inside.

It was a late night for me, but I checked off my list the big photo job that has been weighing on me (an overdue photo book that had to be done before June), so I think it was worth it. I say this with very sleepy eyes that find it hard to stay open in a cozy warm house with soft jazz music playing.

 

 

Today, my errands are many and they are scattered, so once again, Millie will have to cry herself to sleep in the crate for a couple of hours.

Order of operations? I make a list: rent payments, delivered to proper landlords (when you sublet out, as I did at the Edge, you still have to pay the difference between the true rent and "the incredible bargain!" you gave your tenants). Bags of oranges, delivered to Ed. Soil for perennials that need a transition time before I can plant them at Steffi's House -- picked up from the farmette. And a visit to McKay Nursery, because Beth from Bevalli Gardens told me they have the best selection and organization of perennials in the area and I'm curious.

Almost always, I start with the most boring and work my way up to the delightful. So, payments to landlords and only then, a drive out to Oregon to check out the nursery. (Yes, the next town to the south is called Oregon. Pronounced differently than the state of Oregon. Very confusing to new-commers!)

I am the only shopper at McKay's. The place is huge and much of it still needs plants. They're coming in, but slowly. 

 

The staff is small, the guy who seems in charge of the plantings is pleasant and reasonably knowledgeable (I grade them by how well they know the world of daylilies). But it doesn't have the vibe and the variety of the Flower Factory. I did pick up four pots of perennials for Steffi's yard (to be planted on May 30th). And I suppose now that the Flower Factory is closed, this has some okay plant possibilities. But wait, why am I looking for planting options??

As I drive back to where we live, I pass another nursery -- K&A Greenhouses. I'd just heard an ad for it on Public Radio: they appear to be really dedicated to growing natives and all their plants are locally sourced. And they seem more populated, both with plants and with people. 

They have a very limited collection of daylilies.

I see that the plants are being loaded and moved away from outdoor tables. "We're taking them into the greenhouses, because of the frost tonight." I'm surprised. Perennials? "Well, some of them are tender and they'd been in warm places until now. Though this has not been a warm spring." No it hasn't.

I pick up two plants. 

 

I drive over to the farmette. 

 

 

 

Ed is outside, working away at clearing the old orchard. He is despondent (though with Ed it's hard to tell, since his mood is always very steady).  What am I going to do?? 

With what ? -- I ask.

With all this -- he waves his arm over the flower fields. It'll soon the a jungle of weeds. One bed, okay -- I could take care of that. But five beds?? 

I interrupt him. There are 11 beds. 

It'll just be all weeds! I dont even know what to take out and anyway, it's a full time job to take care of all of them!

Yes it is, Ed. I tell him -- I'm sad too, to see it all bursting with vitality, ready to bloom all summer long!

We're both sad about it, for different reasons!

I smile at that. He's not incorrect of course. There is so much to be done here and I left it all behind. 

 

 

I turn to the beds. Millie is at home. I have some time. I'll help you. I have been spot weeding each time I've come here. Let me do a deeper weeding job on at least some of the beds. 

We work together. I show him the most pernicious bishop's weed, the creeping charlie -- he digs some out. I've never been able to eradicate these, nor the creeping bellflower. But I have found that pulling them out even without the root arrests the growth enough to permit the perennials to fully develop.

 

We take a walk through the new orchard. He asks me where to mow. There was a meadow here. Should he cut it back? Yes, now's the time...

 

 

 

After a while I leave. Millie has been in her crate over three hours. That's about the max I can do with her. She is a social girl that suffers terribly (you should hear her howl!) when she is alone.

I drive home and take stock of everything: what exactly have I done with my gardens? I left the farmette, but I'm back there "helping out." And additionally, I'm managing (and paying for) the garden at Steffi's House. And I have to mow the stupid lawn at Sally's House. How exactly have I made my load lighter this season?

And yet, I liked working with Ed outside. And I liked walking away from it so that it wouldn't feel like a huge burden. I also liked designing a new garden of limited scope and proportions and without trees shading it! 

I keep the new perennials in the garage, bring in a half dozen fragile plants from the porch, and call it a day. Phew! Happy May 1st to you too!

with so much love... 

blast

 If I thought this year spring would be without those awful Arctic surprises that cause anxiety among gardeners -- well, I was wrong. The next two nights the temp will hover one degree above freezing. One degree! Some of my porch flowers already protested when last night the thermometer dipped to just a couple of degrees above the dreaded 32F. And who is to say that the forecasters got it exactly right anyway? There's at least a degree of error in that prediction, no? So we could have two nights that would take out most of the plants I put out there. 

Of course, I could bring them all in. At the farette, I would do that. But there, I have Millie. How is that going to work? Should I take a chance and hope for no frost? I've done that too in the past. Oftentimes I won the gamble. Sometimes I did not. I'll keep watching the temperatures and make a decision late in the evening.

For now, we also have a cooling of daytime temps. The kind of weather that you would called toasty had it struck us in January, but positively chilling now, on the last day of April. 

Millie wants to be up and out earlier that my set 6:30. I show some parental flexibility here and cave just a little to her requests.

Breakfast, among the flowers of the farmette.

The girl is coughing less now. She should be okay for the park, but of course, it's too cold to do this outing with any amount of joy, so I settle for two more "at home" days. 

 

 

For her, and for me too. No kids today -- I have a late afternoon appointment, giving me an opportunity to also do weekly grocery shopping while she stays home. It really is helpful to have a pup who does not hate the crate.

 

So how did this last day of April pass for me? Well, apart from the appointment and the shopping, I took the hardest item off my to-do list (a photo project) and plunged deeply into it. I'll be spending the whole evening on it as well. Millie is next to me, happy as a little girl who was just handed a dish of her favorite ice cream (I caved and bought her wet puppy food.. finally, a food she loves!).

Just me and the pup, each of us engrossed in our projects -- me in mine, Millie -- in tearing the couch over off, just because it's fun!

with lots of love... 

 

spring, continued

I'm capable of making rapid fire decisions, most of which turn out well enough. But I also know that if I shift direction, move, or take on something new, thoughts of the old linger. For a long time. When I left Poland, I didn't exactly miss my life there  -- much of it could stand to be improved upon, from family life, to my studies, to my personal relationships, to my career prospects. And still, there was a lot to miss. Friendships left behind. My grandmother's house in the country. A feeling of belonging. And I'd go back to those again and again, traveling constantly to see my friends, and dreaming about my grandma's place. I had this running joke in my head that was a steal from Daphne du Maurier's Rebecca. If you'd read the book, you'd know it starts with the line "Last night I dreamt I went to Manderly again..." For very many years, I would wake up and think -- "last night I dreamt I went to Gnizadowo again..."

 It was to be expected, I suppose, that I would retain a fierce attachment to farmette lands, to farmhouse life as we lived it for some 15 years. Memories of how it felt, how it looked are strongest now as we hit the peak of spring time flower growth. 

My emotional (to say nothing of physical) investment in that place was huge. And when I visit it now, it all comes back to me, through every plant that I put in, through every minute of a shared home with Ed. 

As with leaving Poland, I don't regret making a home now away from the farmette (but not too far away!). Still, when I return to it, when I touch the soil, pull the endless saplings, and creeping bellflowers, or creeping charlie, or any of the other invasives, it all is with me once more -- that feeling of belonging, of it all being part of who I am. 

I've learned that sometimes you can deeply miss a place, a dog, a person, without thinking that you'd be better off with any of those in your life still. 

 

A cool morning. Millie is still coughing and only mildly interested in food. But she has a small bounce to her so I'm not too worried.

(Henry's squeaky Grinch is by far her favorite toy) 

We stay home. And because we are in a cold spell, all breakfasts in the foreseeable future have to be indoors.

I do have a bunch of errands at the farmhouse and I decide to take the girl with me for a walk along the farmette lands. 

To me, it's breathtakingly beautiful there right now! 

The crabs are in full bloom and the lilacs are just shooting out buds of purple flowers. 

The first irises are out, the less conventional daffodils are still going strong.

What's there not to love?!

Inside, I use our joint printer for some stuff and then I sit on the couch with Ed. And here too, I get a rush of that feeling of warmth that came from sharing space with him. The rooms were always too dark, too messy, too demanding. The routines were firmly in place: lots and lots of work now in the spring. Too little time to think about what I was writing, no time at all to read. Even in retirement, I was always behind with everything. But there was that connection to it all. That warmth.

(bringing home a few of the blooms...)

 

 

Millie takes long naps during the day and then goes wild in the evening. I don't mind this rather twisted pattern. She is learning routines and expectations at the same time that she has had to struggle with one bug after the next. And she is a five month old puppy!  

Ed comes over after sunset (meaning after he'd put away the chickens). I feed him supper, we watch a movie. Millie is still a little scared of him. She stays close to my side, just in case the big guy does something funny.

I'm surrounded by warmth. At Sally's House. Once again on the couch. Same couch, same Ed, different setting, with an added puppy.

and so much love... 

 

 

Tuesday pileup

So much on my list, so little motivation to get to any of it. Why?  Well, because it's boring stuff. Because it can wait. For a while. Not a long while, but still. Because I'd rather be reading or taking a walk or looking at flowers. Because the list is too long and it'll take forever to clear it. Because I dont like lists that require effort. 

Because the morning is bright, cool, pretty and my attention is diverted to its possibilities. 

Millie is still hackin' away and today her energy level is low and her appetite even lower. 

 

 

 

I have to literally bring food to her mouth to get her to take a few nibbles (a necessity, because in there lies her medication). I take her for a walk and then we have a surprisingly early drop-in visit from Ed, who then tells me he is still allergic to something in the house. Great. Will Steffi's House have the same weird irritating effect on his lungs? Let's not go there just yet.

To be sure, this is not her preferred resting position for Millie. Left to her own devices, she will hide under the couch right now -- the closest she can come to having a den. That and the crate are her safe spaces. When she is not her healthy self, she'll often retreat there. 

Like Millie, Ed is tired and not hungry for a breakfast. He snoozes, I eat. The narcissus are from the farmette. I snip them now, even though I had rarely cut flowers from the flower fields when I lived there. 

I pick up my book and finish it right after Ed leaves. It's that kind of a day! 

Millie needed to be alone (thus in the crate) for four hours this afternoon -- not something I would have liked to do, especially at this age, but I had scheduled a needed dental visit (the dental technician was not chatty! I was so grateful...) and then of course there were the big two kid pickups. And I had to stop (with the big two) at the Vet's because guess what -- Millie came back with a positive test result for a stomach parasite. Same one she had before, so clearly the first round of treatment, the one that made her sick in fact, hadn't been effective. So now she is on three (or is it four?) medications and housebound for at least another week.

She was very happy to be set free when we finally got to Sally's House. 

 

 

So tickled in fact, that she threw up. Twice. Or, was that because she had an empty stomach? Or still the GI disturbance?  My dentist has a goldendoodle. He tells me she is on meds for allergies. Many allergies. I pass on my sympathies. Oh, but dont worry, it's mostly because she is white. White dogs get all kinds of skin issues. 

Good to know.

Tomorrow, I will get serious about my pileup of chores. Today? Hey, I attended to my teeth, the kids and Millie's health issues. That's plenty, believe me.

with so much love... 

 

things to fix

I cant even begin to list the corrections and fixes I need to dowith respect to... well, almost everything! But first, let me talk about the weather: it's awful once again, in that we expect violent storms to pass this way today. April in Wisconsin has had a historically high (highest ever?) number of violent storms pass through. We are normally a quiet state. But this month? Thunder, hail that has boosted the profits of the roofing companies, and tornadoes, of the type that knocked down houses. Oh, and did I mention flooding? And today, all these are on the radar once again.

Millie has developed a cough. I can't assess the severity of that. Normally a coughing dog sounds horrible (like an ancient lifetime smoker hacking away), but eventually it resolves on its own. But with a puppy, you have to be more careful and make sure it's not pneumonia. Basically, in the 3.5 weeks that I have had her, Millie has gone through treatment for parasites, treatment for GI issues, and now treatment for a cough. Is this pup ever healthy??

Still, the sweet girl stays put in her crate-bed until 6:30. And we make it outside before any rains come down.

But breakfast, for sure, is indoors.

For all her coughing, Millie appears to me to be peppy and playful.

But I put her in her crate for a while, because I have an appointment at Steffi's House (a reminder: I'm moving to it in July) with Beth, a person who is going to do some digging there for me (she owns and runs Bevalli Gardens -- a place I'd never heard of until last week). I need to redo the plantings in front of that house. What's planted next to the house doesn't belong there and indeed, some of it doesn't belong anywhere.  Typical new development stuff, poorly thought out, indifferently positioned. A large juniper, a baby crab apple that wont always be a baby -- both inches away from the house. What were they thinking?? 

Beth's ideas for the front of the house fit with mine... for the most part. I know my perennials too well to be convinced that simple Stella daylilies are an asset. It's a dilemma -- should I just do it all myself? But, wasn't I going to reduce my yard workload? 

I compromise: Beth will plant one side of the entrance, I'll plant the other. At the farmette, I would have done it all myself. Indeed, I agonized over each of the flowers I put in. All thousands of them. But maybe it's time for me to not agonize over this anymore? Maybe I can just listen to someone else's ideas? Beth will rip out the stupid fabric and remove the horrible stuff they call soil and dump some better stuff for us to work with. And she'll move the trees away from the house. How long will all this take you? -- I ask her. I have a solid group of helpers. Two hours. I'm stunned. It would have taken me the whole summer.

 

Back at the house, I let Millie out for a bit of play. Listening to her cough, I know that I have to cancel her afternoon grooming appointment, and this is such a shame, because she really is too shaggy, especially for the warm weather that's before us. Still, if she has kennel cough, she can't be with other dogs. No doggie daycare for her this week either. Time to take her to the vet yet again.

I am so glad I love my vet. I see a lot of her.

We return home: it's raining hard now. I take out Millie's rain jacket, which is pretty, but the hood bothers her and the whole jacket slips around as she trots forward.

But it does keep her torso dry and given the state of her health, I think this is a good thing.

 

In the afternoon, I drive over to pick up the kids. I leave Millie in her crate again. It makes no sense to shuttle her from one school to the next, with home stopovers in between. Good thing she is so easy to crate!

And home again. 

I watch the kids and Millie -- Sparrow loves to play with her, right there at her level. She's most rambunctious with him and I warn him that he has to set boundaries. Millie is at an age where she wants to find out how far she can go and what she can get away with. If he plays hard, she can join that race. 

Still, it's nice to see the two of them chase each other, throw and retrieve toys, do all that stuff that older people are incapable of doing. 

Snowdrop is much more into the gentle hugs and tummy rubs. 

A full range of play for the pup!

The two big kids leave, I put together a metal shelf to lift some of the plants of the porch floor. The lower ones within her reach are not toxic to her, but she has found the dirt in their pots very attractive to eat. Yes, eat. Probably to test me. So I build a shelf and move them up, while seh keeps me company and chats with the dog across the street. 

 

 

 

The storms move in -- to the north, to the south, mostly bypassing us. I love it when forecasts warn of horrible stuff and the weather delivers something quite innocent instead. Distant rumble, a quick soak of the ground and it's done. 

Millie, isn't it time to go to sleep? No? Oh come on, don't hide under the couch. It's so hard to drag you out from under there. Millie!

with so much love...