running around

Some days it seems I am again the person who just shuttles things (actually animals and people) around. The distances are not great -- never more than 17 minutes toward a given goal, but still, I am dizzy with all the routes I have to take. In fact, I was driving at one point with Snowdrop and turned on a light, because the arrow indicated that I could do so and she exclaimed -- gaga, where are you going? why did you turn here?! And I truthfully answered -- I don't know!!

 

Breakfast on the porch. Calm. Lovely weather. Well behaved pup. Delicious, all of it.

And then I dithered. I hadn't surfed the internet for a while. I truly dislike what it does to me when it's pointless like this, but I could not decide what I should attack next. So I surfed.

Eventually I took Millie to doggie daycare, because I had a dental appointment (there is never a season within which I dont have at least one dental appointment). From there -- to the young family's house to try to unravel the complexities of schedules. Snowdrop wanted to come over to Steffi's House, but I still had shopping to do, and she hadn't eaten lunch, and she had to be back before 3 to go to school with her friend and set up her locker. I could not think of a good way to fit it all in, so I took her out to lunch (not Culver's please -- this from me), at a coffee shop. They have many good foods for the midday meal at Ancora's Cafe (her choice), but she ordered two platefuls of potatoes. Oh, and an orange juice, because I insisted she had to have something with a plethora of vitamins in it.

From there we went grocery shopping. 90% of the purchases were for me -- for my upcoming weekend, but I made sure that she selected some fruits for herself. I'm sure her family has fruits in their kitchen, but she hasn't bothered to reach for any of them lately, so I instilled into her spacey pre-teen head that the ones she picks now are the ones she must eat today. 

And then home. Her home. Because I had foods to put away.

I did put in some work in Steffi's Garden, but of course, there was still a Millie out there on the other side of town, so I got back into the car and drove to get the pup, thinking -- surely I could have come up with a better schedule for this day! It's funny to title this post "running around." The one thing I did not do is run or walk much today. I dont feel guilty -- I've done plenty of movement recently, but I do feel the lethargy that comes with spending so much time in a car.

Tomorrow I'll do better!

with so much love... 

enlightenment

Life is not about knowing but about learning. If you think you have things figured out then you've closed yourself off to the wonderful possibility of improvement. That's my train of thought for today.

It was a very calm morning. Gentle, with a slower pace, and some old habits thrown in, just to remind myself of how easy it is to create a peaceful moment when you have all components at your fingertips -- a flower, fruit, yogurt, coffee.

It's not a real breakfast, because I have that one ahead of me -- with my two breakfasting friends.

That breakfast was a remarkable meal! A mushroom tart, a blueberry lemon cake -- you could not ask for a better way to spend a morning.

The nice thing about having friends who are even older than you is that they will have that many more layers of wisdom. You benefit from their experiences. (Here's a fun fact: except for two young things and one sort of young soul, all my good friends are older than me!) 

I left feeling deeply satisfied. And just to give you an inkling as to one wisdom (out of the many) that really stuck with me from today -- it was a quote from a book (that I am actually just going to start in on, but one that my friend already read titled "Foster") -- Many’s the man that lost much because he missed a perfect opportunity to say nothing.

(my friend takes making a cup of coffee to a whole new level)

 

I came home to my garden. And I worked hard. Really hard. I mowed, I trimmed, I weeded, I dug another hole. Heavy stuff that made me toil and sweat, with great pleasure. I dont know about you, but hard physical work requires such concentration that I stop thinking about anything beyond the task at hand. What else in life gives you that kind of respite from your anxious thoughts? Okay, reading a book, maybe. But working hard in the yard -- for sure.

In concentrating on my roses, I see that most are doing well. One has a white fly infestation (bring out the Neem!), a handful have some black spot fungus -- understandable given the weather -- but nothing a few snips can't cure.

It is true that when I first got interested in roses, I picked ones that were vibrant in color and available inexpensively. Only after weeks of studying roses, did I develop other selection criteria -- like disease resistance, blooming habits, to say nothing of fragrance and color softness. Height didn't matter on my first round. Now it's very important! The age, too, matters. Older ones give you a head start -- important for a senior just starting in on this project. And especially important is the nursery where they are cultivated: I've had some careless growers send me plants slated to fail (I got my money back on most of them!). Basically I figured out how best to buy roses  now that I no longer intend to buy any! (My planting budget is closed for the year. Besides, the garden is plenty full right now. Any future expansion has to be carefully thought through. Possibly not worth the money.)

I put down my shovel, mower and buckets for the day and set out to pick up Millie. Just when the storms and rains started. Uff! This is what driving under a tornado warning looks like:

 

 

We made it home safely! Of course we did. Ed comes over for a supper of leftovers. Millie rests. And I'm starting to unwind. Not there yet by any means, but getting there. Tonight I'm smiling.

with so much love... 

Camp memories

I have vivid memories of every camp I ever went to as a child. (There were only three, lasting between a month and two months. I liked the first one I went to (Camp Robinson Crusoe in Massachusetts), I disliked the second (a Russian camp on Long Island), and I chose the third, so yes of course, I was slated to like it (a Y camp in New Jersey). But all were memorable.

Having a Grandma Camp in the summer for some of the grandkids isn't really camp. It's just staying with grandma while parents work or do their thing. But we give it that label because to a younger child especially, being away from home alone for a week feels a little like being sent off to camp.

In past years, I developed a routine for this summer week with (most but not all) the grandkids. As they grew older, they became more independent in their play, but they still liked my imposed activities. 

I couldn't plunge into activities this year. The number of grandkids with me fluctuated constantly. Sometimes there was just one. Sometimes two. Sometimes three. Sometimes four. And I would never know how many would be there until the last minute. Nor how and where I would need to return some of them to either another activity or home. This was hard enough, but in addition, because there was another grandmother visiting the local kids (a last minute thing), none of those kids could sleepover with Primrose. Understandable, but still, a real disappointment. And, of course, I am at least mentally and sometimes physically distracted by the health crisis of my friend.

Sounds, pretty chaotic, doesn't it?

I worried. A lot. (And therefore slept little.) About my friend, yes, but also about Primrose. She looks forward to this week, and so do her cousins. In the past, they swam, we went on nature hikes, visits to farms, to lavender fields, to our botanical gardens. We did daily art projects. And of course, there were the famous sleepovers and on those, the kids were the ones who didn't get a ton of sleep but oh, the excitement of those nights!!

This year I tried to plug in some favorites: a trip to the movies, a trip to the mall (hey, they were greatly in favor of this!). The weather was all wrong for water play and I couldn't do excursions because the days were so chopped up. We had no big family dinners, no special meals out (except for Culvers). I didn't think I could manage a restaurant with four kids of varying ages and very different food preferences.

But, as it turns out, kids are resilient. Adaptable. They can pivot faster that most adults can. And they like pizza and corn and there's always plenty of that around. Steffi's House was much easier too -- Two bathrooms, more space. And then there is Millie -- a great distraction, especially for the two Chicago girls. True, keeping my pup quiet was an added challenge for me, but we all managed!

I suppose the toughest hours were for Primrose, at the end of the day, after the cousins left, and for me after Primrose went to bed. Because I worried. My friend bounced from better to worse in a matter of hours. (She bounced back again to better, but of course, that took longer.) 

I would like to believe that the kids will still remember the highlights (and there were plenty of those), much as I remember my camps' highlights. That my stress was well under cover and that I teased them as much as always. Kids dont notice bags under the eyes. They think grownups are all weird anyway, so what we see as odd behavior is, to them, indeed odd-- just like all adult behavior, which, to them is plain nuts.

 

Today, the morning was for me downright relaxing. I walked the dog and fed everyone -- all easy peasy, since my daughter was here to keep Primrose on task.

We didn't linger at home too long because my older girl was expecting us -- we had offered to help again with setting up for the garage sale. And Primrose had a morning of play with Snowdrop -- that was definitely a high point for her.

Millie was delighted to be back in the familiar doggie daycare. She'd been perfectly angelic at home with people coming and going, and it felt good to reward her with a day of the predictable and fun.

I picked up a Culver's lunch for all and then we worked and talked and worked some more and then it was time to take my younger girl and Primrose to the bus stop, so that they could get on their bus home, to Chicago.

I had two hours before I had to pick up Millie. I spent them watering my front garden. It needed that, and I needed that.  Ed came over...

 

 

 

... I fed him some leftovers and then evening came and it was just Millie and me.

There are aspects of camper chaos that I really do miss. And I love nothing more than to have several generations here in the house with me and this is how my week ended. The quiet of the house now is unnerving. I need to get used to it again! 

But I need the rest. Most definitely, I need the rest. I almost want to go upstairs and tell Primrose to turn out the light already. And then I remind myself that maybe tonight I should be the one turning out the light already. 

with so much love... 

Camp day, winding down

Someday soon (tomorrow? the day after?) I will reflect on all of this and jot down some of my thoughts for you here about the week that was. But not today. Today, I moved from one thing to the next without pause or interruption. It is late, and a version of Grandma Camp is still in place. And because it is a rare evening where I have just my daughter and one granddaughter here, I do not want to lose my face behind a screen. 

I will say one thing: it was a very beautiful day. The immediate concerns I've been having with my friend didn't go away, but everyone is hopeful that this  can some day be history and it sure was easier to believe this today.

And of course, the Chicago young family was still here in the morning -- all of them! And because Snowdrop had her final Shakespeare performance of the season, there were additional family members in town. Late yesterday the idea of a pre-show brunch came up, and I offered to throw something together. So: breakfast with just the young family, a trip to pick up corn for them at Stoneman's, cooking frittatas, loving the brunch, totally loving the full performance of Romeo & Juliet (4.5 hours!!), then, at the end of the day, sushi with my younger daughter and her older girl. A quick movie, a brief chat, a Millie walk (my pup had been home alone for five hours!), and only then a moment to sit down and at least look at the photos from the day.

You'd like to see some perhaps? Okay, a few. And then I'm out until tomorrow. 

 

(Breakfast with the younger family; I could do a "before,"  an "inbetween," and an "after" photo of little Juniper.  This one is before mom followed her requests for a special hair style.)

 

 

(Both girls formed a bond with Millie. Primrose liked to observe her in her calmer moments, Juniper sobbed when she had to say goodbye to her.) 

 

 

(phase one of her braiding) 

 

 

 (we go to Stoneman's for corn)

 

 

(I have basically one hour to put together a brunch for 12.  Frittatas are good for a cook with a time crunch. I do one with spinach, mushrooms, corn and cheese...

 

 

... and a second one with asparagus, peas, corn, tomatoes and cheese.) 

 

 

(Juniper's final hair request for a hair adjustment) 

 

 

(with stunningly precious results )

 

 

(Brunch is ready: all my usuals, minus those I hadn't time for. So, fritattas, bagels cream cheese and salmon, turkey meat for the kids, breads, croissants, fruits, cookies.) 

 

 

(I was shocked that Millie did not bark during our brunch. Typically, she barks whenever she hears a sound that she does not understand. But with 12 people here, she gave it up. None of it bothered her. I suppose it's like being in a cafe and doing your work there, even as you find it impossible to concentrate at home, with far less noise.) 

 

 

(The show: Lady Capulet, aka Snowdrop,  sees that her "cousin" Tybalt had been killed by Romeo.)

 

 

(The show: Lady Capulet finds her dead daughter. This is where I start wondering about why we all find this play to be so entertaining... )

 

 

(The show cast: Snowdrop is the third youngest, but she towers over the two ten year olds)

 

 

(I can't believe Primrose sat through the whole thing and found it to be good!) 

 

 

(mommy and Lady Capulet.) 

 

 

 

 

(sushi night!) 

 

 Good night.

with so much love... 

 

Camp day six with parental presence

We are sitting around the breakfast table -- Primrose, Juniper and I -- and somehow the topic of families comes up. If you ever talk to kids about their future family plans, you'll find them to have very strong views as to what they see on the horizon for themselves. Snowdrop has it down to the breed of dog that should be in her adult household and the house where this should happen. This morning though, I learn what Juniper is thinking. She tells us with confidence: I just want one kid when I grow up. This begs the question -- why one. Because it's easier with just one. Now, Juniper is just four years old and I never met a kid her age weighing options based on facility of implementation. In fact, most are convinced that the impossible is perfect for them (as in loads of children and pets, a huge house, a demanding job, vacation homes, and lots of free time to do everything that you cant do as a kid). But Juniper is insistent. In fact, she's thinking of maybe scratching the husband from the picture too. Just her and one kid. Primrose protests -- you need a guy to make the baby. She is unfazed. I can ask someone to do that for me! I insert a scientific fact: true, I say. It doesn't take much time and effort to make a baby. Juniper beams and reaches for another peach slice. 

 

 

*     *     * 

I went to my first sleep-away camp when I was 8 years old. It was the full monty: two months. I liked it quite a bit. (My older sister, who was in another cabin, did not -- she begged to go home. My parents had her stay anyway.) I didn't miss my parents because I was used to being without them. The first three years of my life were with my grandparents. Ever summer thereafter was with them as well. Camp was another version of a summer without mom and dad. 

Most camps that last the whole summer have a midsummer parental visitation day. I dont know that it is helpful to those who dont miss home. Everything shifts. Your authority figures are suddenly there with you even as you are fully ensconced in camp routines, with camp counselors. I know my parents had been vacationing, just the two of them, in Cape Cod (the camp was in Massachusetts), so of course they popped in for the day. It felt awkward.

I was thinking of this today because Camp Grandma isn't exactly over, but my daughter and her husband are in town (albeit last night they stayed in a hotel) and so there is a definite shift in scheduling and in authority. Both belong to them now. I explained this to my grandgirls as they settled into a morning of Grandma Camp leisure. Hurry up and get dressed, we're to meet up with your parents in fifteen minutes! They do, but leisurely. While checking out something on a tablet.

But their joy at seeing mom and dad once we all met up on the Square was delightful to watch.  We did a spin around the Square (for the farmers market) and I bought my first downtown flower bouquet of the year. (Last year, I picked one up every week. How things change...)

(Door County peaches!)

 

 

(snack time)

 

 

(market flowers)

 

 

*     *     * 

When my older girl said some time ago that she would be having a garage sale (next weekend), I groaned. I did one when I was getting a divorce. It was hellishly difficult. I survived only because two neighbors helped with the set up. Never again!

Still, she was determined and honestly, everyone should get rid of old stuff every once in a while, so I shrugged and forgot about it.

But the time for it is fast approaching and the girl clearly needs help. Her sister has been working tirelessly at sort through potential sale items, dusting them off, arranging things more attractively. Today I joined in the effort (it was 100F/38C in there!) while the five cousins played.

Brutal, I tell you. 

*     *     *

In the evening the parents of my camper and part-time camper sister brought in a pizza, we watched a movie, we talked. 

(I supplied Stoneman's corn. Juniper ate two ears and would have had a third had it been offered)

 

 

(campers, so happy to be with beloved mommy)

 

 

I was the counselor who had the evening off with the kids. No need to make sure they brushed their teeth and turned out the light on time. 

Such a lovely evening. Despite everything. And there is that everything still hanging over me, but still, despite it all -- such a lovely evening.

with so much love... 

Camp day five

Child worries are so tender and sweet! I'm thinking of the ones that are expressed, because the deeply buried ones can be, of course, troubling. But how precious is the anxious worry (furrowed brow, near tears) that your parents may not remember to bring a sister's swimsuit! So precious that I almost didn't mind that it came at 4 a.m. at night. After soothing the worrier, I was ready for bed again, but Millie chose that moment to throw up. No idea why. Probably just one of those dog things.

If yesterday was steady and predictable, this day is high on irregularity and shifting sands. Times, schedules change. I do not plan for more than the next hour. Maybe even the next ten minutes. But at least breakfast is very... normal.

 

 

 

Millie settles down to chew, I wait for the next update/instruction/adjustment.

 

And shortly after our morning meal, Sparrow arrives. 

And now we have a small window within which I have to drop off Millie at doggie daycare. 

(Do you promise not to get into trouble while I'm doing that?)

Only to come back and wait for Juniper to arrive from Chicago. She'll be joining Grandma Camp today.

Missing still is Snowdrop. 

 (In the car, the big kids read their story books, created a couple of days ago, to Juniper.)

 

 

We pick up Snowdrop and head for the mall. 

 

 

Remember when malls used to be crazy busy with shoppers? These days Madison's malls are crazy empty. 

 

 

 

The mall has been a camper's request -- to shop (on a budget!) at Claire's -- that overpriced junk emporium that is every preteen girl's dream castle. Sparrow doesn't mind looking, but rejects everything there. Smart boy.

Snowdrop asks -- can I get a second ear piercing? (Claire's is famous for this.) I tell her this is absolutely not my decision. She claims her mom already said okay a long time ago. I've heard these retellings before and they are often subject to interpretation. I tell her to text her dad. He calls back, we confer, she gets a "yes," shocking her, amusing me.

 

 

I figure as long as we're in this hell scape (I've never been a mall junkie), we may as well eat lunch at the food courts. 

(empty here too)

And now it's like this: Juniper has to nap. Oh, and I need to pick up Millie. Yesterday I almost forgot that component of the schedule. So, first drop off Juniper, then pick up Millie.

 (everyone loves holding the pup)

 

 

We go home, Juniper joins us after a brief snooze. But now we're out again, because the big two Madison kids have to be dropped off at the Shakespeare Players theater. Tonight is the opening night of Romeo and Juliet and Snowdrop is playing Lady Capulet. (Nurse, where's my daughter? Call her forth to me!) I wont see her then because I'm babysitting Primrose and Juniper while the parents have a night away. I hope it goes well for her!

And now I am home with just Juniper and Primrose. And Millie.

 

 

 

The little girl wants to do a book, just like the big kids, but the project proves to be a bit overwhelming. We'll get back to it tomorrow.

 

 

 

I fix them a favorite dish of pasta with tomatoes and shrimp.

 

 

So, a fine evening was had by all? Sort of. The girls were sweet and kind to each other, to me, to Millie. But I let them stay up too late. Always a mistake: you gain in popularity in the short run, you lose a calm good-night when you're all dead tired. Still, the two were ready to sleep eventually and sleep they did! Me? It will take a while. Camp counselors have to have a few hours to wind down. I wish I could look outside and see stars peeking through pine branches. No such luck. Cloudy, with a chance of rain. Oh, and no pine branches near Steffi's House. Just flowers.

with so much love...