As someone who left her home country to live elsewhere and who traveled back and forth between groups of people I love all my life, you'd think I'd be all too familiar and even comfortable with the feeling of separation. And I was. I never gave it much thought in my young adult years. Until my kids went off to college. That was the first time I understood that a departure could also be a temporal shift, whereby my child now enmeshes herself in a life away from home. It's a good thing, thrilling even to see your little one set out on her own independent path. But at the same time, you feel that emptiness, as you yourself have to adjust to a life without the everyday mix of events, upsets and delights that were yours in the years when they were growing up at your side.
And every time that departed child would come home, or I would go visit her, there would be afterwards that separation and emptiness again. It never lasts, but it is always there. Still today, when I leave my younger daughter after placing myself in her household for a day, sometimes several days, I feel the emptiness taking hold as I drive off.
Since she is happy, I am not sad to be leaving her. Not at all. I know how her day will proceed, I know what role her husband and kids will play. Still, once again I need to adjust to not being part of the everyday in the way that I would be, were she here, just a few blocks up the road, or like my older girl -- a short drive away.
* * *
The morning in Chicago was lovely. We ate our traditional breakfast of oatmeal and fruits and then I volunteered to give Juniper (age 2) her first haircut.
(before)
Big day for her! She didn't flinch, absorbed as she was in Frozen on a tablet.
(My assistant)
Afterwards, Primrose went for her swimming lesson with dad, mom baked, and I took Juniper out for a walk to Mindy's bakery.
(a bit of sunshine to warm us up a little!)
She loves the croissants there and I love... well, pretty much everything.
Not that we need more baked goods at home. I am hauling back a szarlotka (apple cake) from the Polish bakery, and, too, some fried faworki with powdered sugar. Oh well. We'll stuff our faces this week, that's for sure.
(She gets to eat her croissant on our walk home.)
Hey, Primrose is back from swimming! Time moves forward so quickly on these Chicago Sunday mornings. Very soon, it's time for brunch -- at the Lonesome Rose. A favorite of ours. The kids love their soft shell tacos, us bigger guys? Burritos and bowls. All good!
From there, a short walk to pick up some coffee.
Primrose likes to speed up ahead with me. As if her sister could keep up!
(Waving)
And now it's time for me to head back to Wisconsin. Empty, but happy.
* * *
I have very little free time today, as the Madison young family is at the farmhouse for dinner tonight. I'd have called it off -- it's all a tad rushed -- but the next couple of Sundays are slated to be without the family dinners so I stuck with it. And I'm glad. These kids are always a bunch of joyous energy and, too, it's good to have a moment to catch up with my older girl. She has been so busy with work that we've resorted to quick and dirty texts and nothing more in the past few weeks. Tonight at least we can take a moment to focus on something other than work and schedules and coordinating drop offs and pickups.
(She and I talk. The rest? Who knew that they were Super Bowl fans!)
(Dinner)
For dessert? Szarlotka (apple cake) and faworki (fried twists). Very much liked by those who dared to try them!
* * *
And then there is patient Ed. Ready to resume our couch time. It's very late by the time I can actually sit down and put my feet up. Nonetheless it's special, in the way that every evening spent with him is special. Ours and only ours. To be loved, in all its simplicity and calm.
with so much love...
