I suppose one reason I like breakfasts with Ed is that I am then his captive audience and he is mine. You'd think this is a ridiculous and inconsequential benefit, given that we are in the same space most of the day, but the fact is, he gets lost in his stuff and I in mine. At the kitchen table, however, there is no distraction.
But, these days, there is also no Ed. Once again he sleeps in.
His preoccupation with his sailing I think has kept him up later than usual. And so I let him sleep.
(Morning walk to barn)
Eventually we agree that it is a most perfect day for a brisk walk. And now, as always, we engage in a volleying for the right hour.
Want to go now?
How about in half an hour? (I'm in the thick of some computer search or email.)
(In half an hour...) Okay, we can go!
How about after lunch?
We can go on like this all day. Sometimes we never do head out because we will have tossed the proposed walk right off the tennis court. I mean, by 1:55, I have to start setting out for Snowdrop's pickup. But today we manage to squeeze in an hour in the park, and it is lovely!
(iPhone photos look a bit iridescent in bright light!)
On the ride from Snowdrop's school to the farmhouse, I of course bug her for an account of her day. (And then text it all to my daughter once we get home). But today the report is short enough that I can switch the topic to more delicate topics. We have covered everything from hurricanes to wars, from siblings to friendships. This is the only time when I can actually get the girl to speculate about issues that are just below the surface for her. If I'm in good form, I can usually squeeze in some ideas for problem solving directions for stuff that's bothering her.
I remember how hard it was to find this golden conversational moment with my girls when they were growing up. Eventually, I found that if they did their homework at the kitchen table while I fixed dinner, I could gently work in a good back and forth then. It felt casual and not too intrusive! And there were snacks which set a great mood for anything.
In those ancient days of raising kids in the last century, we, parents used to wonder if, given our career focus and full days, we could find "quality time" for our kids. I realize now that this was a misplaced worry. All days have pockets of opportunities for getting your kids (or your partner!) to open up in some fashion. And judging from my afternoons with Snowdrop, they dont happen when the child is home and engaged in whatever activity she likes. For me there's the car ride. For parents, it's likely the snuggle time before bedtime. But it's there. Always it is there.
Late afternoon -- I get Snowdrop ready for ballet. The routine is now simple because she takes some of the responsibility of getting herself ready for it and so I dont have to prod and push.
And we have another car ride and another opportunity to review "details of life."
(On time performance once again! Nothing like taking a photo through a one way view mirror!)
I take her home and eventually the boys return and I make my way back to the farmhouse. So nippy today! Time to make a pot of chili. We surely have farmette tomatoes in the freezer for it!
Do you see why a day can be exhausting? The challenges start with breakfast and end after dinner.
I'll end with a note of anxious hope for my friend Diane who lives in Florida, right in the path of the hurricane. She and her husband and their friend have evacuated inland, but still, the worry about their beachfront home just south of Tampa is tremendous. My heart is with them tonight.
With so much love...
