There is no doubt: birth order matters. In what way? That's a tricky one! The older kid will claim the younger one gets away with so much more! The younger kid will argue that the older one gets more attention, more care, more bandwidth. The truth is complicated. But what is certain is that the positioning of your birth will trigger consequences.
Here's one thing that is as sure as the sky is blue today (and it is very blue!): in my older daughter's family, Sandpiper, who will be three next month, has spent very little time alone with me. [You could argue that this isn't fair, but I think that misses the point. Birth order and the age of the grandparent are a given. You cant pretend them away. And, too, you could retort that perhaps he isn't missing much. Playing with a grandparent in her 70s may be challenging for the grandparent and not altogether satisfying for the child. And of course, he gets the benefits of having two sibs at home. They teach him things, whether they know it or not. My younger daughter learned valuable navigational skills while observing her sister go through ages and stages of life before her.]
The sweet thing is that despite our different kinds of meetups (not just the two of us, and not so much playing with toys together), Sandpiper is very bonded to me. I see him daily at evening drop offs and his enthusiastic "gaga!" when I appear is epic. I may pop into his life in different ways than I do for the others, but it is a way that he knows and loves. He doesn't worry that his two sibs have "more time" with me. He is happy with what is in place right now. Kids are much more adaptable that way. Only later, in their adult years, do they take on measuring sticks that other suggest for them: oh, I see that my grandmother organized her life to provide after school care for Snowdrop and then for Sparrow but I was left out of the picture. This is not his narrative now, but it may be later. Who can tell. As a grandparent, I do what feels right now, what addresses current needs and my capacity to fulfill them. I cannot worry about future narratives!
All this to say that this morning was uniquely different because, after feeding the animals and inspecting the flowers (the daffodils are in it for another few days)...
... I went over to Sandpiper's school for "grandparents' day."
For once, I was not distracted by sibs, by my felt need to monitor their interactions with each other. It was all about him.
If I had to describe that boy going through his morning of Montessori play (in case you dont know, the school ethos is to encourage individual choice in learning, so that the kids are left to choose their "works" and take responsibility for their implementation) -- I would say that two things stand out: the happy grin on his face and the dynamic way in which he flies from one thing to the next. None of this lethargic indecision for him!
I was there just short of an hour and he must have "presented to me" nearly a dozen play activities.
All executed so swiftly and smoothly that I'd swear he'd been rehearsing this for years!
It was a beautiful morning! Sandpiper is an affectionate child. The hug and kiss at the end are worth their weight in gold.
Sunny but windy and cold. That's this Friday. And that's better than tomorrow which will be cloudy and windy and cold, with temps dipping below freezing. This means that garden planting must proceed slowly. Indeed, I'll be bringing in the baskets and annuals for the night, today and tomorrow. I know to expect these dips. It's only April. Yep, it's only April...
(Or you could look up at the pear tree in full bloom in the old orchard and marvel at the fact that it is already April!)
Breakfast only now, with very uninteresting scones from a nearby coffee shop.
The two big ones are here after school.
(she could eat up all available graphic novels, as she waits for us to settle into our regular reading...)
And toward evening, I do what has become a Friday habit: I meet up with my daughter at ballet drop off. To catch up. This is followed by late evening grocery shopping at the nearby grocery store. Saves me a trip downtown, but it does bring me home on the late side of things. It isn't until 7:30 that I roll up my sleeves and think about what to do about dinner.
Now for the cold night and, I hope, a warmer weekend. The plants are arriving! I want to put them in!
with love...
