Thursday, June 29, 2006

wild things: prologue

I’ll go to Sicily with you if you hike the Rockies with me.

Four months ago, I appear to have heard only the first six words of that sentence.

Then, a few days ago:
We’ll fly out of Chicago on July 8th and we’ll get to Calgary by midnight and the next morning we’ll set out for the wilderness trail and we’ll sleep under the stars and eat Ramen noodles by a mountain stream.

My God.

Ed, my easy-going, tolerates-everything, including blogging, traveling companion in Sicily is about to get back at me, hard.

You don’t like the Ramen noodles, do you? Is it because the first listed ingredient is salt and the second – MSG? They taste great when you’re starving after a day-long hike!

I never want to be so starving that a container of Ramen noodles would taste great.

Please, can we consider other options? Can’t we hike in the day and then make our way down to an outstanding little bistro with crusty bread and a great little rose wine? In the alternative, can’t I pack crusty bread and a great little rose wine?
I suppose we could pour some rose into a little plastic flask…

The horror of it!

Surely campers eat something other than Ramen? And drink something other than water poisoned with iodine?
Yes, yes of course, let me bring out the saved food from my last camping trip.

Ed digs into his cabinets and comes up with this:

Madison summer 06 036

I need to sit down.

Stroganoff with beef???? How can you have Stroganoff with beef? Stroganoff is definitely not fresh and honest. It’s not even a food! Have you ever seen anyone selling Stroganoff at the farmers market? It’s a vice, a poison and we will have none of it!
But, it’s perfectly good still…
When is the expiration date?? Your last camping trip was centuries ago!
Ed searches. It doesn’t have one…
He says this as if it were a good thing.

There is no way in hell you will get me to eat Stroganoff with beef. And do not even think about sweet and sour chicken in a crumpled bag. Je refuse!

So begins our planning session for the trip. I know, I know, I will survive. Those stars better be damn good over the Rockies.