the day begins with Henry

My mother, in her last years of life, used to complain how much she did not want to leave her warm bed in the morning to make it down to breakfast. Of course, it's not as if she had to do it. Many residents of her Assisted Living home didn't bother. She could get tea anytime on her floor. The staff would bring up a tray if she asked for it. Cereal and fruit were abundantly available. She knew or liked no one in the dining room. Indeed for a while, she was partnered with a person for whom she had no kind words. And yet she went. Every morning, without fail.

Just a month ago, my morning routines were equally fixed. Feed the three farmhouse cats, walk to the barn, open the coop, feed the chickens, then go on and take care of the sheep shed cats. Along the way -- pick weeds and take garden photos. Routinely.

And then I moved to the Edge and suddenly I had no morning routine. And I liked that! Not getting up the minute I woke up... Sitting down to breakfast early or late, at the counter, on the couch, with a book or my laptop.

And yet, I missed the obligatory morning walk. Sure, I could still take a walk, but that just felt dutiful. A walk for no good reason. Indeed, all walks began to feel dutiful. I should walk, so I walked. But most often, I no longer witnessed an early morning. I no longer cared about the weather. My cozy spot on the couch was lovely. I rarely wanted to leave it. And suddenly, now, it's also his favorite spot.

Henry's arrival (Sunday eve) changed everything. I was ready for it and still, I'm panting.  

The night is good. If I get up, he'll get up too and watch me until I'm back in bed. Then he returns to his. His wake up time appears to be exactly the same as mine -- just before 7:30.  He is raring to go then and I hurry because I am still mindful of the fact that he may not be potty trained. So far so good, let's keep it that way.

And so now I care about the weather once again. And I witness autumn, even in this rather odd neighborhood. 

Henry is my new subject of photographic interest. As you've probably noticed over the years, I get wrapped up in themes. Lilies, crab apple, grandkids, Ed and breakfast. To me, it all looks different each time I pick up my camera to shoot. 

The morning walk now is a longer one: at least 30 minutes, following the labrador walking schedule. (He needs 35 mins twice a day at his age).

He is at his liveliest and most exuberant mood now. It's at once beautiful and difficult. Controlling a lively young lab/retriever takes skill, patience and strength. He can easily dance his way around my legs and do things he knows by now he shouldn't do  (for example, chew on his leash). Still, I am not running away from a challenge. I expected it.

Today, I eat breakfast...

.. Tidy up some, and then head out. We have an appointment, Henry and I, at the shop and pet grooming service downtown. I wanted him bathed and his nails trimmed and ears cleaned professionally and they do a fantastic job. And yes, he was scared of the hose, scared of the hair dryer, but his reaction to being scared is to shake rather than aggress. 

He doesn't look any different, right? But he feels different! Clean and not clammy. Shiny and not matty. In the hour when they had him, I went to the grocery store. My list was long because I dont know when my next store trip will take place. I'm trying not to leave him alone if I can help it. He has very modest anxiety at this point. I dont want it to get worse.

Bringing up eight bags of groceries requires two trips up from the garage. I leave him alone for the second one, and he is fine with that. For one thing, he's really ready for a nap. On the couch, of course. I put on Chopin, the winning contestant, all his played pieces, from the Competition.

This is how you can easily fill a day looking after a dog. A pooch that depends on you for everything: food and shelter of course, but that is the easy part. Stimulation, education, love. There aren't others to distract him. His eyes are always on me. Without doubt, he is my Henry. 

In the afternoon I do have to pick up Snowdrop. Hers is a quick trip -- maybe twenty-five minutes total, if she begs to stop for small Culver's fries. (Her favorite -- she gets them once a week.)  Should I bring Henry? I'm feeling less great about it since I haven't any car protection for him yet (a doggie seat belt is coming!). Just in case, I crate him. He doesn't mind the crate. I put in a favorite chewy and close the gate and head for the door. This is when the howling and wailing starts. This quiet dog does not want to be left alone. Well, he doesn't have a choice. I stay and talk to him for a few minutes, then I leave.

(Snowdrop, with a friend: no way does she want me out of the car greeting her)

 

As we wait for Snowdrop's fries, I get a call from the management at the Edge. Your upstairs neighbor, she's not really complaining (ha!), but she says the dog is wailing like in pain. I explained to her that you have a pup... (This, by the way, is the same neighbor whose sex life I can track, rare that it is!)

My quiet dog has decided to fuss when I step outside. 

But of course, by the time we return, all is calm. No noise. Henry is waiting patiently. Still, I know he will do it again. And I know if I cave to him, he'll never stop doing it.

(Snowdrop really loves these dogs... a blur of affection...)

 

After I drop her off in the evening, I take Henry and go over to the office at the Edge. The manager, her assistant -- both are there. Henry doesn't like the floor in the lobby (honestly!). He refuses to follow me to the office. I stand between the door and the office door and ask the manager for advice. I dont want to disturb neighbors, but I also do not want Henry to get his way on being left alone.

So let me describe to you how these people function here. David, the assistant manager sits down on the floor with Henry and coaxes him over. An older resident walks over, sits down and talks gently to Henry. He reaches into his pocket and takes out a treat. Heidi, the manager comes out too. Henry is surrounded by warm friendly people. He relaxes. I relax. We will work this out. 

That's the kind of place this is. I am lucky. Henry is lucky. 

 

And in the evening, it's just Henry and me. Ed asks if I am less lonely with him by my side. I think that's a silly question. I surely am preoccupied with Henry. Less focused on myself. I like that. At the same time, Ed's companionship cannot be substituted by a dog. Henry was never going to be a replacement for Ed (in the time we are still thinking about what's next). If you have another child, you'll still miss the one who left home. That's obvious, isn't it? But, Henry reminds me that a life worth living is one that involves being able to care. Sure, as you age, your capacity to be of service declines. For example, I could not play with a toddler now in the way I could ten years ago. So you reassess and find ways where you can still challenge yourself to focus on the needs of someone else. Not out of duty, but with joy. And yes, I can do that for Henry. Just please, pooch! Learn the command SLOWLY in the next few weeks or months. You can do it and I'll thank you for it!

with so much love... 

for the love

 I  75 Years of Growth, 20 Years of Love

Today, Ed is 75, and we have been living together in all kinds of unconventional ways for 20 years now. Quick to bond over something that is impossible to describe. Maybe even to understand. And yet here we are. 

Ed stayed the night and so we had a chance to see how Henry would adjust to not just me, but also a strange man with a beard. Apparently not all dogs like beards.

Henry was definitely tentative initially, but not for long. Ed had a very mobile night. Some discussions with manufacturers in Taiwan required a computer messaging that would have him up again, then back down. Each time, Henry would leave his bed, come to my side and wait to see what would happen. And then he would return to his bed. As would Ed. Peace, eventually, restored.

I would say that it was a very successful first night!

This morning, Henry was at my side, nudging me at 7:30. Is that perfect or what? I took him out right away. 

He did his stuff, came back, ate breakfast faster than I'd ever seen anyone eat before.  And left us to our breakfast.

The instincts of this animal are good. He shows no sign of aggression, to anyone, and he hasn't barked at all. So far. 

Training? Yes, he needs that. If he's joyful, he will jump up to let me know of his burgeoning love of life. Leash training is absolutely needed. I'm not going to be pulled by a large black dog!

Ed had a zoom meeting then. Henry joined him for it. 

 

 

Ed and I had dinner reservations, but I cancelled them. I still have the hurdle of grandchild pick up (leaving Henry alone for that). I don't need to add to his distress so much in his second day here. So this is it -- our little celebration. And it feels good to have had it. Really good.

 

II Why Do You Have a Dog?

It's easy to understand why people do not have a canine pet: too much work, too expensive to feed and care for, too little time for it all, no one's home all day, or maybe you just plain dont like dogs.

But why do so many people bring these animals into their most sacred private spaces? Maps show that the northeast and pacific northwest states are cat heavy. The south? It's all about dogs, with Arkansas, Alabama, Mississippi, and of course Texas in the lead as the most dog obsessed states.

Madison is a dog town in a cat heavy state. And according to PBS, Madisonians love big dogs. So... why bring in an animal that weighs as much as your school aged child home with you?

I have had dogs in the past. Every one of them had presented problems: I was responsible as a teen for the care of our poodle. The dog had ear infections at the rate of two per month all his life. He was sweet but hyper. But the strongest memory I have is of being a teenager, wanting to do teenage stuff (hang out with friends) and so the dog was often the annoying chore I had to return to while my friends got to live freely after school. Mickey, hurry up and do your thing! -- were my recurring words. Then there was a dog my husband and I picked up at a mall. A puppy mill dog with a bladder problem who turned out to be uncontrollably aggressive. One bite and we had to admit defeat. He went to live on a farm in Pennsylvania where he could aggress against the cows. And still I persisted. The next dog was the weirdest loner in the planet. Humans were irrelevant to him. He preferred to go to the other room and stare into space. A total introvert. And then he bit a neighbor's nose off when she reached out to pet him. She had to have many stitches. We were sued. The dog found his way to the breed rescue people. Our final dog was a winner. Nothing wrong with him except that he shed dreadfully. My husband was appalled. That pooch spent a lot of time in the rooms without carpet. Still, he was an awesome animal. I loved him, but he required time and I did not have time. I had a job and two kids and meals to prepare. I volunteered in school and then cooked at nights at L'Etoile. In my spare minutes, it seemed to be my responsibility to walk the animal and I did, but I didn't especially like it. Pressed for time, I'd look him in the eye and ask -- can't you just poop already?!  He was a divorce casualty. I moved to an apartment with no dogs and besides, I was set to travel a lot. A woman who had met this wonderful dog asked if she could at least foster him while I moved. Her love for him grew to be so strong (and my travels so frequent), that with regrets and sadness, I let her keep him.

 

That's a long description of my time with dogs, but I think I needed to write it out so that you could see all the ways in which people take in dogs for all the wrong reasons. Missing from the list of my own reasons was this crucial one: you should get a dog if you want to, for the next decade at least, devote a considerable amount of time to the dog: working out problems, exercising her or him, cuddling and ear rubbing at every turn. You have to like doing all that! I had liked dogs and thought them to be a good balance to the family, but in fact, they weren't a good balance at all. For all the benefits they brought us, for me they were a chore and an imposition. After the last one left, I swore I would never have a dog again. Not unless by some magical transformation, I really grew to love not only the idea but also the actual act of caring for a dog. I doubted that this could ever happen because in my retirement, I was once again too busy to devote more time to a living thing.

But when I moved to the Edge, when my daughter came home one evening with a rescue, and when a few days later I met Oscar the companion dog who also lives at the Edge, I thought: I have the time and patience and desire now, finally, to care for a dog.

This wonderful, gentle giant.

So, now I have two wonderful, gentle giants in my life.

I wasn't going to allow him couch time, but I changed my mind. He is just too happy next to a human. Even if he does take up... considerable space. As does Ed.

III The Kids  

The two older ones have become dog people, though Snowdrop claims that she just likes all animals -- both cats and dogs. But they both adore outings with their Goose (they pass that important test of enjoying the time spent doing dog things, or things with a dog at the side) and both could not wait to meet Henry (that happened yesterday -- poor Henry was bewildered with all the changes and strangers, but he has the temperament of a people pleaser and so he withstood all their enthused attention bravely and even with a smile and a tail wag). 

But how to do these complicated pick-ups with a dog that isn't exactly car trained yet? I opt for leaving him at home for Sparrow's pick up. That's a 45 minute absence. Henry loves Chopin and sunshine and he had both. I brought Sparrow back to the apartment. 

 

 

 

Henry was sleeping on the couch, seemingly content. Have I got it easy or what?

 

 

Not so fast! When it's time to leave to pick up Snowdrop, Henry is stubbornly protesting. I close the door in his face and the poor pooch lets out a howl as he tries to get the door to magically fall of its hinges so that he could escape. This wont do. 

 I did buy a crate, but Ed suggested I try him first without the crate. As he pointed out -- the crate is huge and there isn't really room for it in the apartment (which is not huge!), so why not see first if it's really necessary. With a howling pawing dog at the door, I decided it's necessary. I closed him up in the crate and left.  As the kids and I came back...

 

 

 

... we were greeted with a quietly sleeping pooch. Crate it will be, for a while at least. 

The kids love his "majestic" posture (Snowdrop's descrbtion), his playfulness, his great desire to have fun outside, his  love of food so that he stands and drools as the kids eat their school snack.

But of course, I can see the places where I will need to work with him. Jumping on people? A poor way of showing love. Pulling to walk faster? Nope. But these are small issues. He is smart and learning fast. And me, am I exhausted? Of course! Nothing that a good night's sleep wont fix. And yes, I have now what I think is needed for a good life with a dog: I have time to focus on him, not just in passing, but with the patience that can only come when you dont have thirty other major priorities requiring your focus and attention. 

In the evening, I return the kids and I take Henry along so he could meet Goose.

I think the kids were somewhat mesmerized at what seemed to be a mouthy kind of play. Highly energetic! But play it was. Both dogs seemed in familiar territory, in a place where they were understood, in a doggie tumble without humans.

But so happy to return to their respective homes.

III So What Happened to Chopin?

Yes, Henry appears to love Chopin, and so do I. Today was the last day of the Competition in Warsaw. (For the next one, I will be 77, Henry will be five.) The finalists played a concerto and a polonaise and late, very late by Polish clocks, the winners were announced.  Tianyao Lyu did not win. She came in fourth (tied with Shiori Kuwahara from Japan). The Polish contestant came in fifth. So who won?? The American Eric Lu (from Massachusetts). I suppose I get it. At 28 years, he truly sounds mature in his playing. And, too, as one critic observed -- he has a gossamer touch to it. I re-watched his performance and I agree. But what a shame that the first prize didn't go to Tianyao who lives and breathes youthful passion, with the talent of a young genius. Gentle but strong. I think she should have won.

On the upside, this was only the second time that an American has won the first prize (Ohlsson, also American, won in 1980), though there is this certain oddity: in 1990, no first place was awarded. The Jury did not believe that anyone deserved that title. An American came in with the second prize, though of course you could also say he was the best of them all. If you want to consider all the bizarre Competition Awards, you could marvel then that five years later, in 1995, the Jury again would not give the first prize to anyone, even as two people shared the second prize. Weird but true.

So ends the month of Chopin for me. Unless Henry insists!

 

 

with so much love... 

morning with the Chicago girls, evening with Henry and Ed

The rain continues. And it doesn't matter. I'm in Chicago and the plan is to stay indoors. Juniper's Sunday soccer is called off. And that's fine too: I'm heading out to their place to eat their fantastic granola for breakfast.

And then I watch them bake a cake -- a project they had planned for this day because... well, the girls wanted to bake a chocolate cake!

I cannot leave without playing the timed-released selfie game.

I always end my visit with the younger family with a Sunday brunch, whether it be at the farmette (or these days at the Edge), or at a favorite neighborhood place in Chicago. Today, we decide to stick with the Mediterranean theme and go to Andros Taverna, a Greek eatery not yet brunch-tested by any of them.

It is... fabulously good and filling!

When I had first looked at the menu, my enthusiasm targeted their wonderful pastries. I lit up at the sight of a Baklava Bear Claw, and  Olive Oil Lemon Cake. And French Toast with Tahini Honey! But today I hesitate. You cannot do too many days chasing the sweet stuff in life. Should I hit pause button?

I opt for both: the healthy and the pastries. Which are... huge! 

It's always sad to leave my daughter and her family. 

 

 

It will never stop being sad. But, I also know that she will plunge into the next rich adventure and the next one and the one after, and I'm okay with just knowing that she is happy, that her girls, her husband are happy.

 

*     *     * 

 

I arrive in Madison in the late afternoon and I am on full speed ahead: I have to unpack all the stuff I had ordered for Henry. I have to get dog food. And then I have to go pick up this great big mutt (they call him a Retriever/Lab mix) and bring him home. (I asked them to weigh him: 51 pounds, so far.) His new home -- perhaps a concept totally unfamiliar to him as in Dallas Texas he was a street boy, picked up by the Rescue people and eventually sent to Wisconsin's shelter ("Shelter From the Storm"). 

(last moment at the shelter)

The ride to the Edge is about 20 minutes.They told me he's good in the car. Well sort of! He basically moved from one side of the back seat to the other. And yes, I know it's not safe for dogs to ride without being crated, but I cannot fit in a crate big enough to hold him in it, so there you have it.

I realize as I drive back that I am now a dog person. And it's either the best decision ever made or... not. I'm going to push it toward the first! 

At home, he is puzzled, disoriented, but not unhappy. He loves his toys -- the duckie that squeaks is his favorite. The retriever in him, for sure

He has the same chill in him as Goose, but he is in all other ways different: more youthful. Exuberant. Shy initially with a stranger, but not for long. Voracious eater. We will see if he has the same separation anxiety. I'll know tomorrow!

I worried about potty training, but so far he hasn't messed up anything. Maybe this wont be too hard? 

The kids come over to meet him. Joyfully. And then Ed comes with pizzas. This is another milestone. Will he be a food thief? Nope, not tonight anyway. 

 

(not sure I'm going to let you do this going forward...) 

 

Henry needs a lot of petting and reassurance. Of course he does. Everything is new for him. Has he even seen the inside of a home? A refrigerator? A table where dinner is served? Most likely not. A life of streets and pens. 

I'd say for the first day he did splendidly. We will see how the night goes!

With so much love... 

Chicago melodies

Much as I do not love the drive to Chicago (boring), I sure do love being here, for all the obvious reasons and then some. And this morning, I'm off to a good start!

(John Hancock tower and Lake Michigan at sunrise)

 

My daughter had given me a couple of suggestions for breakfast downtown (of the type she knows I like) and I decided to take a nice walk... 

 

 

... to Eataly.  

You know this place maybe? There are several dozen of them all over the world (including in the major cities of Italy). They specialize, of course, in Italian foods -- market and prepared, to shop for, to eat on the spot.

 

 

I had the most perfect breakfast of an almond coronatto with a latte, looking out on the street, reading my book, talking to Ed who now calls regularly in case I get lonely!

And of course, I could not resist -- their teas, their chocolate. Their kitchen stuff looked good as well, but I am no longer adding anything to any room in my home, no matter what, so I just looked and sighed.

On the way back to the hotel I stopped at a grocery store to pick up some fruit (always the missing component when you have breakfast in cafe-bakeries). And I thought -- what a fine day this is going to be!

 (elevator nonsense)

 

My assignment is to pick up Primrose at her ballet class at 12:30. I worried about this because her ballet studio is awfully close to where the Chicago No Kings demonstration will take place. (And yes, were I in Madison, I would be there for our own, because I do believe in democracy. Ed was there -- he could have been one of those with the sign "Even the Introverts are here.") This is why I came to Chicago early -- I can leisurely walk to her studio, rather than relying on the car or on public transport on what is sure to be a packed noon hour in Chicago.

And by the way, the city is so... calm. In case you doubted it. The observers could see a packed avenue of protesters, twenty-two blocks long. Moving all the way to this building:

 

 

 

I abandoned the marching route to get to the ballet studio on time to catch a few minutes of the girl's dance routine.

 

 

Primrose knows her routine well and so she basically guides me through the process of checking out and finding the El stop so that we could take the Blue Line to her neighborhood.

She hadn't eaten lunch, so we pop into Mindy's to pick up more treats for a late lunch. And a bag of freshly baked treats for Goose and Henry.

And then we finally made it back. 

Now is the time to read, to play, to wait for Juniper to wake up....

And to listen and watch Tianyao Lyu perform her two Chopin pieces as a finalist in the Chopin Competition taking place in Warsaw. A remarkable moment!

 

 

 

Oh! Juniper is up! Bringing a snack of seaweed chips for her sister...

 

 

We used the rest of the afternoon for Halloween. At least the preparation for it: the girls were eager to try on their costumes (characters from the K Pop Demon Hunters movie):

 

 

 

 

 

(oh that hair!) 

 

 

 

 

Time to get ready for dinner. (Snowdrop, wont you ever learn to like pony tails or braids??) 

 

 

 

For the evening meal, we head out to Lula Cafe. 

 

 

 

I have eaten there before, apparently, but at this point, it's like trying to remember what you wore on one certain day ten years ago -- there were too many meals, too many days, too many happenings in between and so the memories fade. In any case, it is a fantastic place of Mediterranean foods -- so good, so up my alley right now!

(dessert time)

 

 The day's excitement catches up with the three year old Juniper. That's okay, she is reminded that she can practice what they taught her in school: meditation!

 

 

 They return home, I Uber back to the hotel. It's pouring rain at the moment. I hope so much it's equally wet back home. But maybe not tomorrow. Maybe not on the day when I am to bring Henry home.

I knew it would be a grand Chicago day. It always is. Primrose said to me -- grandma, even though we dont see you as often as the other grandparents (they all have homes in the city), the nice thing is that when you do come, you hang out with us all day here. You're the only one who does that. Yes, there are at least a few benefits to being the more distant grandparent: when you come together, it's always incredibly special!

with so much love...