An afternoon conversation with a Texas friend (in town for the turkey and a wedding) during which I learn something about family law

Hey, I am so sorry to be out of town and missing the wedding this week-end [of the off-spring of her husband].
It’s not a big deal. Just family and a few friends.

No, really, I hardly ever go to weddings anymore. I go to more divorces than weddings. So, is there going to be a rabbi or a judge or what?
Actually I am doing the ceremony.

You?? I mean, what do you know about marrying people??
Hey, I’ve been through two of my own weddings, I ought to know something.

And how is it that you are legally entitled to marry anyone? I teach this stuff: you need an officiating person and to my knowledge, you don’t fit the bill.
I’m a lawyer. Lawyers can apply to be Family Court Commissioners for a day so they can marry people.

You mean I could do this on the side? No kidding! I’d get to go to weddings and charge people for my presence! And what are you going to say? Dearly beloved, we are gathered here -- the whole bit?
I called Family Court and asked if there’s like a script or something that I could just read and they said no, I had to write it myself.

I’d go online and see what’s floating around.
Yes, I did that, and it’s all rather dated and old-fashioned and you know, corny. I’m just going to have to make it up as I go along.

Maybe it’s just as well that I can’t be there. I’d probably laugh or cause trouble.