Looking over this day (and it’s not over yet), I can see failure sprinkled up and down every contour and crevice, every hour of its short sunlit expanse.
Chronologically: I slept in. I can’t remember the last time I did not take charge of my day until it was nearly the next meal, but today had slow start written all over it.
Pushing aside the granola, I instead went to the local café, ordered a latte, bit into a greasy muffin and read the travel section of the NYT. Cover to cover.
On an errand at Best Buy, I fell in love. So much so that I could not take my eyes off of…it. A small, two pound baby, easy to transport, easy to cuddle. Completely unaffordable.
True, I did not purchase it, but I was tempted beyond belief. Suddenly, $59 per month for four years seemed entirely reasonable.
Eventually, home alone, I decided to call a person whom I should be calling on at least a weekly basis, but whom I do not have the moral courage to call more than once per month. Alright, sometimes less than that. And naturally, I did get in trouble for my general incompetence as a human being (including the noncalling thing). Explaining why I was terrified of dialing said number more often was absolutely the stupidest thing I could have done. The party in question hung up on me.
The odd thing is, if I had to do this day all over again, I would do it in exactly the same way.
Oh, she's terrible! Am I right? Terrible!
ReplyDeleteSundays are wonderful days for nothingness. On my Sunday, I watched Koreans play baseball.
ReplyDeleteI too slept in - and don't consider it failure. Compared to the other days of frantic rushing here and there, the occasional rest is quite necessary. Watch the overachieving, it can wear you down.
ReplyDeleteIf you buy the laptop, don't finance it for four years. The typical life of such a thing is far less than that, yes? Still, it really is a stunner, so I well understand your temptation.
ReplyDeleteI think it's horrid how some people have the power to make us feel small within ourselves. It's obvious why you don't call more often, why should you subject yourself to criticism and belittlement on a regular basis? No one needs that.
The being-honest, then getting hung-up-on situation is a little tricky. It really doesn't do any good to say something like "[s]he can't handle the truth!" even though it's probably accurate. You're still going to have to deal with this person, right? If so, my advice is to just pretend it never happened and see how it goes from there. You got the idea out there. Maybe it will make a difference eventually.
Allow yourself your comforts, too. A late morning with an indulgent breakfast and the travel section does not make you a sinner! Neither does pushing back at someone who pushes you, constantly. Only human -- and certainly not lesser in any way.
Ahhh guilt. You are all right of course, but the guilt! You'd think I'd have the sense to handle myself better, to not give in to impulse/emotion. Aren't you supposed to have that inner wisdom by the time you cross half a century? Especially when dealing with a person who has crossed more than three quarters of a century? Ah well, at least I did not purchase the single most beautiful little travel laptop for $59 a month on a four year plan. Or any plan. I'm good!
ReplyDeleteSleeping in on Sunday is at least better than sleeping in on Monday (not that I would ever do that).
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