If fingers of a cold hand would freeze curved around the handles of a grocery bag, then I could make the trip without pause. But I have noticed that cold fingers that lose their sensitivity also lose their curved, hook-like shape. And so every now and then, I have to stop, put the bags down and do some wiggle activity to keep a grip on the bags.
In my final approach, I pause and prepare to wiggle. A young man, getting into his car sees me and asks – may I please help you?
Now, the good interpretation is that this young man is genuinely compassionate toward all, regardless. Seeing a person with heavy bags brings out that desire to assist, even though an assist here would be somewhat illogical. Would he walk with me? Drive me home?
But I think he was responding to something else: age.
Maybe his glasses clouded because of the cold. Maybe my jacket and scarf hid a kinder portrait. Or maybe I just am looking old this winter.
In Poland, there are two uncomfortable points when an age determination has to be made: first, at late adolescence, when you switch from the informal to the formal address. Gone is the first name for all but the privileged few. You are now a Ms and Mr and you will remain thus until your last breath.
The second point of transition is more subtle. It plagues those who use public transportation: at what point do you stand up and offer your seat? In Poland, young people will stand up for you if you’re, well, older. I expect that if I were riding a bus or tram in Warsaw, young people would scurry to give me their seat.
But when do the not so young get up? I mean, quite recently, I would rise for someone a tad (or several tads) older. What if, these days, someone would use the same calculus on me?
Ah, the calculus of when to offer your seat to a stranger! I ride public transportation in Philadelphia almost every weekday, and this is something I ponder on and off.
ReplyDelete1. If I offer my seat to an older man, will he be offended? (ie, a woman offering a seat to a man)
2. Since I stopped coloring my hair a few years ago, and now have substantial amounts of grey (or silver streaks, as I like to think of this), will others assume that I am elderly and need a seat? I feel fine, and can easily stand for the entire ride, but what might they think? I realize that it's likely that I look older than I feel.
3. On the other hand, when I am carrying my heavy work computer and a briefcase, I really want a seat, no matter how I feel. Should that be taken into consideration?
4. I always offer my seat to a pregnant woman or a woman with carrying a baby - but am I somehow then offending the other
people who didn't offer, even though they seem much young than me?
So I travel and ponder and eventually arrive at my destination . . . .