Sunday

Guess who will not finish her movement rings for the first time in months today? Yeah, not even close.

It's hard not to get neurotic about symptoms if you've recovered from Covid. Is that a scratchy throat or am I imagining it? Am I blowing my nose excessively? Probably in line with all the work I'm doing outside. Still, every tiny something makes you wonder.

Everyone has heard about Covid rebound and people tend to link it to those who take Paxlovid. The theory is that you take the antiviral right away and your immune system relaxes and lets the drug do the work. It doesn't ready its soldiers. It goes and takes a nap. And Paxlovid is miraculous! You start feeling better right away! You find yourself having a very light case! You're golden. Except, the theory goes, not all virus is out of your system after the five day Paxlovid treatment. And what's left behind rebounds once you're off the drug. And your immune system has a rude awakening.

That's one theory. Another is that Covid, like many viruses, simply has a two stage cycle. According to these folks, many people have Covid rebound except that they dont know it because either 1. they have no symptoms of it or 2. they dont bother testing, having pronounced themselves Covid free just a few days ago or 3. they are in denial and do not want to go back into isolation.

When you take a Covid test at home, you have this little Covid indicator and if you get that telltale second line you've got Covid. As many have observed, this is all too similar to a pregnancy test: a line indicates a positive outcome, or not. When you take a pregnancy test, feelings run high: you either really really want that positive outcome or you really really don't. It's all very emotional. Covid testing is the same, except I don't know anyone who has mixed feelings. Unless you hate your job and want a five day break from it, you're going to want a negative result. If you ever have seen that pink line indicating a positive result, you'll agree that this, too is an emotional ride. It's not just a cold after all, it's Covid and Covid triggers all these consequences -- for your health, sure, that most of all, but also for all those in your life. So you get worked up about it.

All these thoughts were in my head last night as I went upstairs with my neurotic thoughts about possibly having some symptoms but maybe not and in any case I should test.

And once again I got a positive.

There is some clarity as to what is best when you get your first Covid positive. There is little clarity as to what Covid Rebound means. It could be that you're not contagious. It could be that you are. So of course, the recommendation is to isolate once again. I'm told that a negative test can get you out of it, but a continued positive means nothing, so if you turn negative, you can resume life, but if you're positive, you should stay  away from people for the same 5 days, as if you had just plain old Covid. 

Covid is determined to be the bully here. So, late at night, Ed packed up his things and left for the sheep shed once again, which I can tell you, was very very sad.

Today, I expected to feel way better. That's the conventional wisdom: rebound is lighter. 

Today, it was a real effort to go to the barn to feed the hens...

(oh that crab apple! so splendid in all seasons!)

... and that wiped me out completely. I could do nothing more but retreat to bed.

We had great plans for this day! We were to bike over to the city and stroll leisurely through the Monroe Street Farmers Market. Maybe stop by the Arboretum once again (I know! What's with the Arboretum this week?!). And bike back past trees of gold and crimson. Ed asked if I was up for it, but he didn't wait for an answer. It's clear that I am completely absolutely totally zonked. 

So he went alone. And he bought me delicious mushrooms which I cannot eat because the idea of food is just so repulsive to me right now! And he bought me flowers...

Which is both sweet and a demonstration of how shocked he is and I am that we are once again separated.

I have learned what I already suspected: Covid doesn't follow predictable paths. Covid is noxious. Covid is not just like a cold. I have no fear that this will pass in a day or so. I keep thinking how awful it would have been if I had become infected early on in the pandemic. I belong to the lucky vaccinated bunch, with miraculous antivirals available for the asking. Privilege or what?!

But, today was a waste. No planting, no biking, no walking, no anything. Just waiting for the next day. Believing that all this will pass quickly. In the meantime, I'm hiding under a blanket on the couch. Cosy comfy there! 

with love...