for the love

 I  75 Years of Growth, 20 Years of Love

Today, Ed is 75, and we have been living together in all kinds of unconventional ways for 20 years now. Quick to bond over something that is impossible to describe. Maybe even to understand. And yet here we are. 

Ed stayed the night and so we had a chance to see how Henry would adjust to not just me, but also a strange man with a beard. Apparently not all dogs like beards.

Henry was definitely tentative initially, but not for long. Ed had a very mobile night. Some discussions with manufacturers in Taiwan required a computer messaging that would have him up again, then back down. Each time, Henry would leave his bed, come to my side and wait to see what would happen. And then he would return to his bed. As would Ed. Peace, eventually, restored.

I would say that it was a very successful first night!

This morning, Henry was at my side, nudging me at 7:30. Is that perfect or what? I took him out right away. 

He did his stuff, came back, ate breakfast faster than I'd ever seen anyone eat before.  And left us to our breakfast.

The instincts of this animal are good. He shows no sign of aggression, to anyone, and he hasn't barked at all. So far. 

Training? Yes, he needs that. If he's joyful, he will jump up to let me know of his burgeoning love of life. Leash training is absolutely needed. I'm not going to be pulled by a large black dog!

Ed had a zoom meeting then. Henry joined him for it. 

 

 

Ed and I had dinner reservations, but I cancelled them. I still have the hurdle of grandchild pick up (leaving Henry alone for that). I don't need to add to his distress so much in his second day here. So this is it -- our little celebration. And it feels good to have had it. Really good.

 

II Why Do You Have a Dog?

It's easy to understand why people do not have a canine pet: too much work, too expensive to feed and care for, too little time for it all, no one's home all day, or maybe you just plain dont like dogs.

But why do so many people bring these animals into their most sacred private spaces? Maps show that the northeast and pacific northwest states are cat heavy. The south? It's all about dogs, with Arkansas, Alabama, Mississippi, and of course Texas in the lead as the most dog obsessed states.

Madison is a dog town in a cat heavy state. And according to PBS, Madisonians love big dogs. So... why bring in an animal that weighs as much as your school aged child home with you?

I have had dogs in the past. Every one of them had presented problems: I was responsible as a teen for the care of our poodle. The dog had ear infections at the rate of two per month all his life. He was sweet but hyper. But the strongest memory I have is of being a teenager, wanting to do teenage stuff (hang out with friends) and so the dog was often the annoying chore I had to return to while my friends got to live freely after school. Mickey, hurry up and do your thing! -- were my recurring words. Then there was a dog my husband and I picked up at a mall. A puppy mill dog with a bladder problem who turned out to be uncontrollably aggressive. One bite and we had to admit defeat. He went to live on a farm in Pennsylvania where he could aggress against the cows. And still I persisted. The next dog was the weirdest loner in the planet. Humans were irrelevant to him. He preferred to go to the other room and stare into space. A total introvert. And then he bit a neighbor's nose off when she reached out to pet him. She had to have many stitches. We were sued. The dog found his way to the breed rescue people. Our final dog was a winner. Nothing wrong with him except that he shed dreadfully. My husband was appalled. That pooch spent a lot of time in the rooms without carpet. Still, he was an awesome animal. I loved him, but he required time and I did not have time. I had a job and two kids and meals to prepare. I volunteered in school and then cooked at nights at L'Etoile. In my spare minutes, it seemed to be my responsibility to walk the animal and I did, but I didn't especially like it. Pressed for time, I'd look him in the eye and ask -- can't you just poop already?!  He was a divorce casualty. I moved to an apartment with no dogs and besides, I was set to travel a lot. A woman who had met this wonderful dog asked if she could at least foster him while I moved. Her love for him grew to be so strong (and my travels so frequent), that with regrets and sadness, I let her keep him.

 

That's a long description of my time with dogs, but I think I needed to write it out so that you could see all the ways in which people take in dogs for all the wrong reasons. Missing from the list of my own reasons was this crucial one: you should get a dog if you want to, for the next decade at least, devote a considerable amount of time to the dog: working out problems, exercising her or him, cuddling and ear rubbing at every turn. You have to like doing all that! I had liked dogs and thought them to be a good balance to the family, but in fact, they weren't a good balance at all. For all the benefits they brought us, for me they were a chore and an imposition. After the last one left, I swore I would never have a dog again. Not unless by some magical transformation, I really grew to love not only the idea but also the actual act of caring for a dog. I doubted that this could ever happen because in my retirement, I was once again too busy to devote more time to a living thing.

But when I moved to the Edge, when my daughter came home one evening with a rescue, and when a few days later I met Oscar the companion dog who also lives at the Edge, I thought: I have the time and patience and desire now, finally, to care for a dog.

This wonderful, gentle giant.

So, now I have two wonderful, gentle giants in my life.

I wasn't going to allow him couch time, but I changed my mind. He is just too happy next to a human. Even if he does take up... considerable space. As does Ed.

III The Kids  

The two older ones have become dog people, though Snowdrop claims that she just likes all animals -- both cats and dogs. But they both adore outings with their Goose (they pass that important test of enjoying the time spent doing dog things, or things with a dog at the side) and both could not wait to meet Henry (that happened yesterday -- poor Henry was bewildered with all the changes and strangers, but he has the temperament of a people pleaser and so he withstood all their enthused attention bravely and even with a smile and a tail wag). 

But how to do these complicated pick-ups with a dog that isn't exactly car trained yet? I opt for leaving him at home for Sparrow's pick up. That's a 45 minute absence. Henry loves Chopin and sunshine and he had both. I brought Sparrow back to the apartment. 

 

 

 

Henry was sleeping on the couch, seemingly content. Have I got it easy or what?

 

 

Not so fast! When it's time to leave to pick up Snowdrop, Henry is stubbornly protesting. I close the door in his face and the poor pooch lets out a howl as he tries to get the door to magically fall of its hinges so that he could escape. This wont do. 

 I did buy a crate, but Ed suggested I try him first without the crate. As he pointed out -- the crate is huge and there isn't really room for it in the apartment (which is not huge!), so why not see first if it's really necessary. With a howling pawing dog at the door, I decided it's necessary. I closed him up in the crate and left.  As the kids and I came back...

 

 

 

... we were greeted with a quietly sleeping pooch. Crate it will be, for a while at least. 

The kids love his "majestic" posture (Snowdrop's descrbtion), his playfulness, his great desire to have fun outside, his  love of food so that he stands and drools as the kids eat their school snack.

But of course, I can see the places where I will need to work with him. Jumping on people? A poor way of showing love. Pulling to walk faster? Nope. But these are small issues. He is smart and learning fast. And me, am I exhausted? Of course! Nothing that a good night's sleep wont fix. And yes, I have now what I think is needed for a good life with a dog: I have time to focus on him, not just in passing, but with the patience that can only come when you dont have thirty other major priorities requiring your focus and attention. 

In the evening, I return the kids and I take Henry along so he could meet Goose.

I think the kids were somewhat mesmerized at what seemed to be a mouthy kind of play. Highly energetic! But play it was. Both dogs seemed in familiar territory, in a place where they were understood, in a doggie tumble without humans.

But so happy to return to their respective homes.

III So What Happened to Chopin?

Yes, Henry appears to love Chopin, and so do I. Today was the last day of the Competition in Warsaw. (For the next one, I will be 77, Henry will be five.) The finalists played a concerto and a polonaise and late, very late by Polish clocks, the winners were announced.  Tianyao Lyu did not win. She came in fourth (tied with Shiori Kuwahara from Japan). The Polish contestant came in fifth. So who won?? The American Eric Lu (from Massachusetts). I suppose I get it. At 28 years, he truly sounds mature in his playing. And, too, as one critic observed -- he has a gossamer touch to it. I re-watched his performance and I agree. But what a shame that the first prize didn't go to Tianyao who lives and breathes youthful passion, with the talent of a young genius. Gentle but strong. I think she should have won.

On the upside, this was only the second time that an American has won the first prize (Ohlsson, also American, won in 1980), though there is this certain oddity: in 1990, no first place was awarded. The Jury did not believe that anyone deserved that title. An American came in with the second prize, though of course you could also say he was the best of them all. If you want to consider all the bizarre Competition Awards, you could marvel then that five years later, in 1995, the Jury again would not give the first prize to anyone, even as two people shared the second prize. Weird but true.

So ends the month of Chopin for me. Unless Henry insists!

 

 

with so much love...