As a parent, you try hard not to give labels to your kids. "Math is not your forte!" "You're such a whiner!" "You are shy" -- words to avoid. The same principle applies to the pets in your life and yet, here I am, convinced that Henry is the more challenging canine and Sadey is a breeze. It's not that I haven't good reasons for the labels, but keeping an open mind allows you to see where the labels just don't fit.
For example, Henry is far easier to take out for a potty run. He does his stuff quickly. Unless there's a mouse scent or a squirrel movement or a strange human, he does not pull. I've not bothered with the harness lately because he is just so good out there. And in the morning and evening-- it's in and out for him. Sadey, on the other hand, is more in the learning stages of a leash walk. Small wonder -- in her foster family, she had a fenced yard. I learned today that she never went for walks to do her stuff. Here, she has to learn that her chance at relieving herself comes only when we pace back and forth on suburban green strips. And since she doesn't associate our walks with potty stuff, she takes forever! And, too, she pulls harder. I will have to concentrate leash training on her, not on Henry, who by comparison, is a pro! (Though even that is an unwarranted generalization: once he does his stuff, Henry wants the leash to come off so that he can play. Tug of war can ensue. Try breaking that habit when you have a second dog with you wondering what the hell is going on!)
Sadey, the friendly dog who approaches everyone with a smile, is no wilting flower. After breakfast, the poor girl was whining to get out. Henry seemed eager to give it a try. I put away his toys and took her out of her playroom, keeping her on a leash in case things got dicey. Henry was exuberant. They chased, mouthed each other and all that was fine -- Henry and Goose do it all the time. But Henry and Goose can read each others signals splendidly. They know when to stop. With these two, it seemed that they might be escalating (it's hard to tell with dogs -- sometimes it's all fun and games, but these two weren't yet reliable), so after just five minutes of roughhousing, I took Sadey back into her fenced-off room.
To me it seems that it's a workable solution, but it does, I think, stall the bonding that surely must take place between her and the rest of us. She's there alone, whining. How can that be good? Yes, I go in and stay with her in bits and pieces, but it's not the same.
So, morning walks? Separate but not equal. His is short, hers is long and often unproductive!
Breakfast. His first, then hers, then mine.
And the whining continues.
It's a beautiful, record breaking day today! I keep the porch door open to let the house gases out!
Eventually I try opening the gate again. And this time they're good. A little roughhousing but also a lot of peace.
And you'd think I passed the trial period stunningly, with total success.
You'd be wrong. I take them out for a walk, together, but stopping when they pull too hard. All good, though once more she does nothing, We come inside. I give them each a treat. And I'm not sure if this is the precipitating factor or if it's something entirely different, but a real fight ensues. And dumb me had taken off her leash, feeling a misplaced confidence in their ability to maintain peace. I managed to pull her away without having my hand chopped off and put her back in the play room. And I remind myself: they warned us again and again -- do not rush this. They are not reading signals well yet. Give it more time. Much more time.
It would be easy to blame Henry. I had labeled him half jokingly the "neurotic" one -- a perhaps unfortunate label we used to give to anxious others when we were kids. And I do think he was the first to ward Sadey off yesterday. I saw that. She wanted his toy, he said a firm no, with a snap. But as I take her out of the room now for leash walks around the house (I cant just leave her in her room -- she's too unhappy there), I see that she is the one fending off his play attempts. Dogs dont hold grudges, but she may well be too stressed to do anything but growl when he tries to engage her. Stress hormones can take several days to get back to normal after an arousal. The trip itself raised her anxiety levels to high levels. The question out there is if there is a chance that they will never get along. That both pups are too hungry for love and too possessive of it once they get it (Sadey always pushes herself into the cuddle I may be giving Henry). That is, of course, possible. I can't rule it out. But I'm optimistic. I have two dogs who need help and I will try my hardest to make this work.
For the rest of the day I take many indoor and outdoor walks. Taking each pooch outside sometimes separately, sometimes together, on short leashes, keeping both to one side. Aside from the pulling, they actually are quite compatible on a walk. And I resume watching the Olympics. And the dogs whine at the fence, but with apologies to them, I am keeping them separated for the next week. I observe them both, offer reassuring words, and wait for everyone to calm down.
With all that I still have to figure out, I am nonetheless so very happy to have Sadey with us!
Ed comes over in the evening with a pizza. We watch a show. He biked today so rather predictably, he dozes off on the couch. I exhale.
The big changes are behind me for now. But the work to make this a great transition is very much still before me.
with so much love...
