Thursday

If you ever have had an infections disease, the kind that requires people to wear PPEs (personal protective equipment) or at the very least N95 masks when they come near you, and if you have even a shred of empathy for humankind, then you will have experienced this day -- which is my day today -- when by at least some markers you are deemed disease free (completed period of isolation, with two negative tests, spaced, afterwards), even though, of course, these markers are a standardized fiction, because nothing is certain, nothing is without doubt. And so you are deemed safe, but those around you kind of still keep their distance and you want them to, because what if, what if... You do not want to be a Typhoid Mary (the woman who was an asymptomatic carrier, infecting everyone left and right). And of course, Covid gives you ample opportunity to have doubts: you can get a rebound! The burden is on you to identify a Covid sniffle and distinguish it from a winter "I've been outside, damn it, so my nose drips" sniffle. I've already used five tests for this course of Covid. The UW Health Covid specialist tells you not to pay attention to tests anymore. Too many false positives can follow a course of Covid. But I don't have any positives! Am I golden? Or am I an outlier? In Covid, there are outliers. 

The funny thing is that all these doubts, the potential for spread, your own safety markers -- they exist for everyone, perhaps especially for those who think themselves to be Covid free. Only a hermit can rest comfortably and think him or herself to be clear of the virus. (Ed comes to mind, though he spent four hours this week in the Social Security Administration office. Masked, to be sure. But no one else around him was masked. So even Ed has to question his potential for being a carrier.) But you dont think much about it if you've not had Covid. You think -- I'll know it when it's here and then I'll be a good citizen and take precautions. [Caveat: there are those who do not think this way; I personally know of people who boarded a transAtlantic flight knowing they had Covid. Good people. They found suitable interpretations to allow themselves a different thought pattern. And of course there are those who simply equate Covid with a "bad cold" and carry on as if it were nothing more than that. I can only say -- tell that to the long Covid sufferers, currently somewhere between 6 - 28% of all who have had Covid. I know, quite the spread of probable cases!]

So I am in my gray box, ostensibly disease free, and honestly - a safer bet than the stranger you'll bump into at the grocery store because I have a stack of fresh negative tests! And yet, I am cautious. Because just a few days ago, I could have messed with you, and you, and you....

That's one perspective. Another is my daughter's who cannot wait for me to pronounce myself to be Covid free! She leaves it to me to make that determination (she knows I am submerged in all the science around Covid), but once made, she is willing, nay, eager for me to resume afterschool childcare! And so today, I reclaim the kids.

But of course, that comes later. In the morning there are the animals to feed...

Breakfast to eat.... (why alone? Well, you know, my gray box...)

And a bike ride to get under the belt before the rains come down. Ed and I go out together.

(Still catching those shots from pedaling behind him)

Theme for today's ride? So many cranes!

And home again.

Afterwards, the farmhouse is once again his. And this is so good, though once more we must find our center: he must get used to me clearing a dirty plate from under his nose. I must get used to having a dirty plate in plain sight. The melons come back to occupy half the refrigerator, dripping their sticky juice. My breakfasts come back to tempt him even as he likes these days to push off the first meal of the day. All this is refreshing for us: we are back to navigating our common waters, together. And it is wonderful.

The kids? Oh, they're excited to be back. In this week of isolation, they have managed to cycle through a school closure, their own set of non-Covid bugs and a visit from another grandmother. Nonetheless, give a child her known routine, with indulgences and attention thrown in and she, he is happy.

(Today, I also pick up Sandpiper)

So maybe we have Covid behind us for now? That's the hope and expectation! 

Now, onto our shared evening. Just Ed and me -- so missed by the both of us!

with love...