frustrations and fundamentals

I so love to preach patience, resilience, and gratitude (to myself; I promise you, I do not like telling others how to live their lives). Sometimes one fails and the other two win me over. Sometimes all three fail. The good days are ones where I can shake off adversity, stay calm and thank my lucky stars for being where I am right now. 

Today I got one out of three right. That's a pretty low score, considering the effort I put into the enterprise.

Sure, I had my reasons. Every person who fails at maintaining a level head has his or her reasons for losing it. I can't say that's much of an excuse. But they do reassure me that my lapses belonged to the moment. Tomorrow I'll do better!

What happened?

Well, I did spend the afternoon at the clinic undergoing a GI procedure that everyone loathes. It was fine, and I've had it so often that I don't particularly mind it. They drug you nicely, and not being a drug user myself, I always think the rare times I'm forced to be made happy artificially are kind of pleasant! But the fact is, I couldn't eat my usuals all week and I couldn't eat anything for a day before and I couldn't sleep last night, and to top it off, both Ed and I have been steadily sniffling for 24 hours (no, not Covid, not anything serious at all, just an annoying summer cold). So physically, I was off.

Nonetheless, at 7 a.m., I'm out there snipping lilies. I can't remember how many. Fewer than yesterday but more than 700. 

The cleaned up flower fields, with a few favorite lilies spotlighted:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was supposed to be a pleasant morning in the garden, but I had no breakfast to look forward to and it was humid and the mosquitoes! Oh, the mosquitoes! We had just agreed to a spraying yesterday and  it was to be a weekend of very enjoyable outdoor work. No such luck. Ed and I had to admit it: the "natural" spray may not scare away the pollinators, but it also does not scare away mosquitoes. Though I did comment that perhaps it's like the United Nations: it may not be effective in preventing wars, but we'd be far worse off without it. Maybe the mosquitoes would be unbearably awful (we've had such years!) without yesterday's spray?

Still, it was a challenging set of hours, and honestly, after snipping about 125 flowers, I was tired of it all. In good weather and with few bugs it is an awesome project. The clean garden that emerges is breathtakingly beautiful. But today I was sticky, and wet, and bitten from all sides, and I swore that this would be my last lily snipping day. So what if for the rest of my living days all spent lilies dangle limply? They'll fall to the ground eventually.

I did not mean it of course. But clearly my patience and resilience were hovering at low levels. 

But then there followed my medical interlude. Ed came along because they make you have a designated driver. I stretched out comfortably on a bed and they wrapped me in warm blankets. I thought about people who endure sickness and pain in war torn regions of this world and here I am, in an air conditioned clean room with a warm blanket around my shoulders and a concerned medical staff hovering, and Ed snoozing at my side. I closed my eyes and forgot about the grumpy morning. (And no, the drugs had nothing to do with it -- that came later!)

When I was done with my visit, I received a nice clean bill of health and I thought once again how much life would have changed for me, for us, had the outcome been different. Earlier, I had said to Ed -- listen, if I am sick, I am not snipping a single more lily! 

Really? -- he asked, genuinely surprised.

I didn't mean it.

So yes, I'm grateful. For a good medical visit -- yes, of course. But also for the drudgery and chore of the morning session in the garden: the tiredness, hunger, achiness, the monotony, the humidity, the wetness and stickiness and messiness of the whole thing, and yes, the bugs. I appreciate the lesson and challenge that comes with it. I like that I stick with it, despite everything. (I wish I would stick with other projects with equal dedication!) 

And in the afternoon I rested because 1. they told me to do that, and 2. because I had done my chores for today and now could put it all aside. For now. Tomorrow, you'll likely find me in the garden again. In a better frame of mind. I'm betting on three out of three then!

with love...