A friend at the university is retiring this month. Wednesday was my last professional (and possibly any) encounter with her and I lingered after our work meeting to get a sense of how she feels about the next stage of her life.
She spoke about her commitment to volunteerism at her church, and about past work that she and her husband had done for Habitat for Humanity down in Kentucky. I asked if she was thinking of moving south and she indicated that her husband’s wood working would most likely keep him (and thus her as well) rooted here – the place of his workshop.
What keeps us rooted to our home base when a job is no longer a consideration? Family – that’s the most typical response, no? Some would say they wont ever leave because of friends, but I doubt they mean it. People in this country move all the time, despite claims of tight friendship networks.
But maybe with age, your dependence on friends changes. Maybe in twenty years, I will have given up even on the idea of friends. On my most recent visit to Poland, my father, who has retreated almost entirely from an active social arena, said that he no longer missed friends. He shrugged and told me -- I said to them and they said to me all that could ever be said in life and so what’s the point? Is this just him, or am I (are we) also likely to hang back thirty years from now?
And what about the prospect of my moving? Naaah, I’ll stay here, in Madison, for reasons of family. I don’t actually have any family in Wisconsin, but I am convinced that none of my closest family members (daughters!) would visit me anywhere but Madison (they love the Farmers Market here) and so I will not move.
I think about this as I load marinated mushrooms onto a plate. Homemade marinated mushrooms. Made for friends who are stopping by this evening.
Still, I know what I;m wrestling with: setting up a home elsewhere is, to me, as tempting as rescuing a dog (warm climate, pooch running outdoors, mmm...). Neither really fits with my life and yet I consider both, quite frequently actually. Once I run through the options and difficulties associated with such monumental changes, I breathe a sigh of relief that it's all in the realm of fantasy.
She spoke about her commitment to volunteerism at her church, and about past work that she and her husband had done for Habitat for Humanity down in Kentucky. I asked if she was thinking of moving south and she indicated that her husband’s wood working would most likely keep him (and thus her as well) rooted here – the place of his workshop.
What keeps us rooted to our home base when a job is no longer a consideration? Family – that’s the most typical response, no? Some would say they wont ever leave because of friends, but I doubt they mean it. People in this country move all the time, despite claims of tight friendship networks.
But maybe with age, your dependence on friends changes. Maybe in twenty years, I will have given up even on the idea of friends. On my most recent visit to Poland, my father, who has retreated almost entirely from an active social arena, said that he no longer missed friends. He shrugged and told me -- I said to them and they said to me all that could ever be said in life and so what’s the point? Is this just him, or am I (are we) also likely to hang back thirty years from now?
And what about the prospect of my moving? Naaah, I’ll stay here, in Madison, for reasons of family. I don’t actually have any family in Wisconsin, but I am convinced that none of my closest family members (daughters!) would visit me anywhere but Madison (they love the Farmers Market here) and so I will not move.
I think about this as I load marinated mushrooms onto a plate. Homemade marinated mushrooms. Made for friends who are stopping by this evening.
Still, I know what I;m wrestling with: setting up a home elsewhere is, to me, as tempting as rescuing a dog (warm climate, pooch running outdoors, mmm...). Neither really fits with my life and yet I consider both, quite frequently actually. Once I run through the options and difficulties associated with such monumental changes, I breathe a sigh of relief that it's all in the realm of fantasy.
Nina,
ReplyDeleteCould you share your recipe for marinated mushrooms? I love pickled mushrooms, but I've yet to find a really good recipe. Thanks!
Yulinka: Heat 1/4 cup olive oil in large skillet over medium heat. Cook 4 (or more) smashed garlic clover, stirring until fragrant (2-3 min). Add 1 1/2 lbs white mushrooms and cook, stirring occasionally, until beginning to soften (about 4 minutes, less for smaller mushrooms). Remove from heat and stir in 1/4 c fresh lemon juice, 2 TBSP chopped fresh parsley AND 1/2 TSP good salt. Let marinate at least 30 minutes.
ReplyDeleteThere could be grandchildren — their whereabouts might affect yours?
ReplyDeleteAll I mean is, things do change ...
lili
(I will try those mushrooms!)
Wczoraj z corka ogladalismy odcinek Pszczolki Mai, ktory doskonale to obrazuje. Maja wybiera sie na dluga wyczerpujaca wyprawe do odleglego lasu, zwabiona perspektywa lepszego tam zycia. Gucio swietnie ja podsumowuje - Ale po co Maju, bedziesz tak daleko leciec, na pewno nie znajdziesz tam tak oddanych przyjaciol jak my.
ReplyDeleteMy w ciagu ostatich 4 lat przeprowadzilismy sie dwa razy. Wydaje mi sie ze lepiej jednak pielegnowac i pracowac nad tym co sie ma. Wszedzie dobrze gdzie nas nie ma ale starych dlugoletnich przyjazni nie da sie zastapic.