Sunday, Valentine's Day

Let's talk about this day and how it fits into the cosmos of our lives.

Want to tune out? Are you one of those (I know a handful!), who has a pshaw attitude toward this holiday? We all get caught up in a scripted life of events and celebrations that, by their very predictability, their load of expectations, make us feel bored, indifferent or even tired and depleted. So perhaps you reject the idea of Valentine's Day because you've allowed yourself to believe that it must follow a pattern, with roses and cards and chocolates and love notes and perfume -- yawn. Not for me, you say.

But can't you write your own script? Can't you step out of the preordained, the conventional, and give yourself the task of designing a day that has meaning on your own terms?

It's hard!

But let's give it a go, shall we?

Let's start from scratch. What's at the essence of Valentine's Day? Well, love of course. Pure, beautiful, uplifting love. Some of you may want to tap my shoulder and say -- romantic love. I wont argue with you, but I do think you are unnecessarily constraining yourself. There are so many components of the love I feel for Ed, why would I limit myself to a day favoring one over the rest? In the same vein, my love for my kids, grandkids, for my good friends is so deep and essential to my everyday -- why should this not be recognized? All those loves give my life direction and meaning. Why would I want to ignore them on a day celebrating love?

Okay, so now you know: I place few limits on what love I want to hold sacred today. But now I sense a different push back: why "hold sacred today?" Celebrating love once a year seems like the worst idea! If love is my driving force (and it is... without it, I would not want to get out of bed in the morning), then why celebrate it at all? Why not just live it? Every day?

Well, because the everyday bit is a tricky thing. We have to wash dishes and clean chicken coops and do laundry and shovel icy walkways and... okay, you get the picture. Your mind churns and moves from one thing to the next and then pfft! Day is done. 

But, on Valentine's Day! Ah, on Valentine's Day! It's different. You and I can pause and dwell on the fundamentals again. We can use symbols -- flowers, sweets, cards, or in some years we can play with the less conventional (because if we do the same thing every single year, and it is scripted, it will get boring! Really it will!). But here's the essential part, I think: if this day is to have any meaning at all, it must lead us to be especially thoughtful and kind to those we love. And playful! 

Being human, I do look for little gifts that validate my belief that I am not in this love bubble alone. They're not hard to find (as I'm sure they're not hard for you to find either). Here's one: Ed came upstairs late after midnight and woke me with the words happy valentine's day and love you. I had to smile, because really, he had to step out of his everyday armor to do this most thoughtful and kind act. (True, he would not have remembered the significance of February 14th, but I'm good at sprinkling hints in the weeks before.)

I let him sleep late. It is such a cold day -- coldest of all, I think -- that I hurried with my morning walk to the barn...

... and hurried back to fuss a little more with breakfast. No oatmeal today!

Because a great chunk of me does ride with the conventional, I have an unreasonably large amount of pink clothing on me today. Well, what can I say -- I like pink! Here we are, mismatched colorwise, but on board with this day. (He would not get up for the photo, so I brought the camera down to his level.)

And then I do something special for the farmette -- I finally take out my plant catalogues and plan the garden. (Normally, we put an end to catalogue delivery by meticulously calling each company and asking them to please stop sending us paper stuff, but with the pandemic, we'd grown lax.) My favorite local perennial retailer has closed its doors and so I have to extend my orbit to more distant places to find favorites. Yes, as you know if you at all look at my summer photos, I do have favorites!

Anything else? Well, Ed did acquire a card for me because he knows I like that. I did not acquire a card for him because I know he is indifferent to it. But I did order a box of chocolates. From Chicago (Vosges), for us to share. Today we ate a truffle with violet petals. Ah, love is in the air! He fixed little things that I had wanted fixed. I fussed more with dinner than I might usually fuss. And I popped open a bottle of prosecco and made him take a sip because this creates an opportunity for him to remind me how much he dislikes wine. An unconventional form of kindness, I think: give him a chance to dislike something I offer! (Gifts do not have to be purchased!)

As for the kids and grandkids -- oh, they heard from me alright! The local ones got some hand delivered foods and treats...

(included: a flourless chocolate cake, recipe: Lebovitz)

The more distant ones got something in the the mail.

 

(home again)

 

 

 

But more importantly, I thought about these guys in the best ways, all day long. Friends too: I thought about the sustaining conversations I have with them, about the trips we've taken together, about how beautiful and incredibly perfect their sweetness is and has been for a long long time. 

So, a wonderful day, a most special day! So much of it focused on the most important emotion within us. Love.