a lift?

At some point, the weight lifts a bit and you sail forth. It's not an uneventful or easy sail. But you know you're moving at least, no longer mired in your grief. 

I keep Henry within me for the ride. Just not physically next to me, but within me for sure. I'll never let go of that pup. We were bonded at some deeper level and that bond remains. But, too, I am starting to focus a little on the here and now. 

Here's one here and now: Sadey! She slept upstairs with me again. And she woke me just before 7. Her clock isn't as perfect as Henry's was but it's good enough!

Breakfast. She works away at her antler, I work away at my granola. Candle still burning.

I know my home is just too quiet for a dog. There isn't enough here to keep an intelligent dog occupied. Until I do add a playmate, she will need to go to doggie daycare regularly. I am just too boring, even with our training sessions and her toys. Still, I have to admit -- she is easier to keep happy than Henry was. He was always trying to figure me out. Always gazing deeply to understand what I may have been thinking. My daughter once marveled that I spent so much time planing my day around him, reflecting on him, accommodating him. Sadey is more... normal. I spent the morning reading and researching and she played, then she napped, and the morning just passed. Henry would have asked (gently) for my engagement or, in the alternative, something edible to gnaw on. She made do with my boring day.

 

Just after the noon hour, I piled her in the car and we picked up Ed for a trip to the dog park. Sadey is in fact scared of men, but if given the chance, she warms up to them. It's taken a while with Ed, but she is now happy to trot alongside the both of us. She needs more contact with people. Without that, she's likely to retreat rather than flourish. 

At the dog park, she is radiantly happy. I still take in my breath when she runs up to someone. There's that fear -- will she act menacingly? Once, she in fact did bark, but the person reached out to her and she sniffed, wagged and trotted off. We need more of that.

She is getting to be an expert though at playing with dogs. I can see the change in her after a couple of weeks in the doggie daycare. She's reading and sending signals much more adeptly. 

Such an energetic girl! The color of the landscape right now.

Beautiful and strong.

I looked at my cobwebbed from disuse and disinterest to-do list. Time to get back to it. I have taxes to do. I have a trip before me. Am I ready for any of it? Maybe not today, but soon! Really soon.

In the meantime, it's  just me and the dog. Recovering. And yes, waiting for the storm that is about to hit Wisconsin. My shovel is ready! Sadey's sweaters are waiting for her. We are bracing ourselves for something awful, but you know how it goes -- if you think it'll be miserable, it probably wont be too bad. What's a few feet of ice and snow anyway!

with so much love...