mother's day

I think of this day as creating an opportunity for us to think about motherhood. We're all born of mothers. Most of us were raised by mothers. In fact, in the U.S., close to a quarter of all kids are raised by single mothers. And we all have feelings, usually strong feeling about our mothers. Without doubt, a majority of all moms work extremely hard at their parental responsibility. But it's also true that a number of moms cannot give the warmth, support, security, unconditional love that their kids deserve. That all kids deserve. Do we pressure women to become moms? Do we stress them out by making it impossible to combine motherhood with... life? Or do we throw them to the wolves because our priorities lie elsewhere?

Still, I'm always impressed at how many celebrities (in all fields) do credit their moms for their success. And it seems genuine. Oftentimes their mothers are no longer living so you know it's not just a show of child gratitude that's expected. 

Far too many good moms, indeed, hardworking great moms worry about their parenting. Usually those who worry and fret are the ones that actually have little reason to feel they're not doing enough, not giving enough of themselves. Worry in this sphere is, unfortunately, often a sign that you are phenomenally grand, more so than a child could ever hope to have in a caregiver. And yet, you continue to fret and worry and ruminate and think about how maybe you should improve your parenting strategy. You have one chance to do it right and you do not want to fail those you love so much. Even as you have to accept the possibility that maybe your strategy needs tweaking.

On the other side, those of us who feel let down by our moms sometimes worry that we could have done something to spin that ship around and make a better success of the whole thing. Children, after all, are key players in this dynamic. Could have I shown a better understanding of what happened to cause the ship to take on water and ultimately sink? Could have I worked harder to bail out the water? Yes, I could have. But would that have been healthy for anyone? Perhaps being a good child means investing in something else, in moving on? 

In other words, this whole mother thing can be complicated. In theory -- so simple. Love your child, accept the love of your mom. The devil is in the detail! 

 

Once I had kids, I've always liked Mother's Day. To me, this annual focus on motherhood allows your kids to take a pause in their never-ending demands. It allows you to say -- hey, I'm trying really really hard. Thank you for understanding! 

Sometimes you even get a present, or a day off from fixing a meal. I heard on the radio that in the U.S., money spent on brunches today is somewhere around $38 billions.) What's not to love?!

 

It is, perhaps, unfair to lump together being mom with owning a dog and thus being a dog mom, but if marketing departments are allowed to do it, so can I! In addition to being a granddaughter, a daughter, a mom, and a grandmother, I am, of course, Millie's mom.  And to prove her worth, the girl wakes extra early today. No late breakfast in bed from her! She is done with sleeping by 6.

The day is cool, but pretty too. We take a longer walk and though sanity would call for an indoor breakfast, I take the show to the porch.

With sunshine, the day give the appearance of being warm. And it is in fact delightful out there.

I have given up on Sunday's agility class for the pup. She had to skip two classes because of her tummy issues, so she is behind, even as she already was the least practiced pup of the group. And I found it hard to restrain her friendliness. Waiting for our turn in the holding pen and not being allowed to greet other dogs or humans was torture for her and therefore for me. So, no more agility. I'm working on commands at home. 

Instead, we go to the doggie park at noon. There is not a single other pooch in the small dog section. I suppose small dogs are typically pets to families or households with women in them, and all these families and women are out having brunch! 

 

 

Millie has a grand time anyway. I am so very grateful for this park! She can sniff out all those crazy scents, she can run wild, or she can trot by my side and take in the numerous compliments I throw out at her. Millie is such a good girl! 

 

 

Since we pass the farmette to get to the park (until they finish the road linking the development with better park access), Millie and I stop by to see what Ed's up to. Clearing the buck-thorn still! 

Back home, she rests, I get the house a little in order. The young family is coming over for a Chinese takeout meal. I get their company (and gifts!) without having to cook!

(hey, is it Mother's Day or Millie's day?)

 

 

(a mom with her kids: three plus dog)

 

 

(dinner)

 

 

(pup cups: a dab of whipped cream)

 

 

The thing about being a mother is that you're never done with it. Your kid can be an adult with a completely independent life and still, your emotional investment in that relationship, in that person is huge. For the child too. She can try all her life to become someone who is in no way like her mother, but it'll be work. How many times have I let an expression slip out and my kids will say -- ohhh, just like grandma! Sometimes I look at my aging face in a photo and think -- wow, there's a lot of my mother in that expression. Even when I'm smiling (a rare beast for her).

Motherhood! Of course most women who care for kids say it is the most important job they do. What other work is 'round the clock and offers no retirement and fills you with tears and joy, sometimes all in one day? Sure, your kids may someday take care of you, hopefully in ways that are compassionate. After all, you don't want to be a dementia ridden invalid any more than they want to care for you in that state. And still, you'll be the mother figure. The history of your life with them will always stick to their heart, mind and soul. Trust me, they will remember the day you forgot to send in the permission slip for a field trip, and locked them out of the house by mistake. The hope is that they will also remember how much you loved them. Totally, sometimes desperately, and in my case, most certainly with humility.

Yes, with love always.