Saturday - 316th

In normal times, a day like this one would be ho-hum. What did you do? Oh, not much, just ran a few errands. But in these unusual times, I feel like we just ran a marathon. True, we skirted social contact, never letting ourselves get too close to people, but still, we plunged into a denser world than the one we have been inhabiting now for 316 days.

It is again a cold day, so let's start there. Cold, but sunny. At least in these early hours.

 

(I feed the cats in the sheep shed. Nice and warm there! We're wintering over two of the big orchids on the sunny windowsills. They are blooming their heads off this year!)

I check the barn. No more possums in the trap. Cheepers safe. Cats fed. 

Breakfast served. (Note the regalia of flowers! Typically I get one bunch with each grocery order, which is about what you need to keep a fresh bouquet on your table all year. But somehow this week the old flowers had more than one life packed into them. Nothing is fading. So we have now not one, not two, but three bunches! It's a January miracle!)

Then we start in on our loop of errands. The best comes first -- a brief trip to my daughter's to drop off some books for the kids and some odd foods to nibble on. Then comes a stop at the Amazon drop off place, where we must deposit two microwaves. (Yes two. We have been trying to replace the one that failed now over a year ago and each time a new one comes, there is a problem. It doesn't work. It breaks. It's the wrong one. We have been buying and returning microwaves for over a year!) Next -- fill the car with gas. That's boring, until a guy drives up and barrels out of the car next to us mask-less. Grrr. I got out of there just in time, but in my hurry I slammed the door on my finger which is now threatening to fall off. Well, maybe not fall off, but it does look puffy and very purple. Still not done yet! Next comes a stop at the curbside pick-up of farmers market carrots. Yes! Lovely and delicious. And eggs, because our cheepers lay very few in the wintertime and those very few have been gobbled up by the family of possum this past week. And finally our last stop for a walk in the city park that is just by the market pickup site-- Olin Park, that abuts Lake Monona (the second largest lake in Madison). 

So! Errands accomplished, finger still hanging on, people remained at a distance, but more importantly, we had some beautiful moments sprinkled throughout. The highlight? Oh, unquestionably the trip to my daughter's. The sun was out, the kids were still in their pj's, the moods all around were brilliant!

And also at the top of the list? The walk in the park. Ed always suggests that we include it in our repertoire of park hikes and I always resist, claiming that it surely must have lots of people since it is smack at the edge of the downtown area. But in fact, it never has many people and moreover, it has a gorgeous view onto the lake and the Madison skyline and in the winter, you can avoid most anyone by simply walking on the lake! Which we do and after this last cold snap and even I'm not *too* worried about the strength of the ice cover! (In fact, you need the ice to be at least 4 inches thick to be safe for walking and I read later that Lake Monona of today's adventure has been that for all of January.) 

Photos from our walk:

(Always the awesome and frightening cracks in the ice! I do read later that Lake Monona has had an ice cover more than 4 inches thick, that is safe for walking, for all of January, but still...)

(Such a fine view of Madison's isthmus!)

(must do a selfie!)

No hair cut today! I'm not so ambitious as to fit even more into one day!

Friday - 315th

We wake up to seven. Seven Fahrenheit. Outside. Pretty cold! (That's -14C.) Ed would say we've seen worse and he is correct. Still, consider this to be a day blasted by Arctic air.

On the upside, so often Arctic air days come with brilliant sunshine. Today is no exception.

 

 

 

I am, however, surprised to see the cheepers on the path to the garage. They don't typically venture out on days like this. But as I approach the barn, I see the issue: there is a possum hanging out in their space. You know possums? Those animals that love chicken eggs, and, as a main course item -- chicken necks? 

 

 

We set up a trap and catch the intruder. You aren't allowed to randomly release possums into someone else's backyard, but we think we have permission to do it in one stretch of land not terribly far from here, so out he goes. 

Then, as we check the coop once more, we find a second possum, also hunting for eggs and/or cheeper necks. We set the trap out once again. In he goes. Then out, some distance from here to (one hopes) join his buddy.

 

 

 

My, what sharp teeth those guys have! 

So if you ask how we spent the morning, I'll say yes, we had a lovely breakfast, made especially pretty by the fact that groceries this morning came with not one but two flower bundles! Reminding us of the season just around the corner...

And then there came the hours spent/wasted on possum chasing. (By evening, we trap a third one, so clearly there was a family unit licking chops at the sight of the free food in the coop.)

I do still want to give myself a haircut. But I have chicken feet! (Sorry, my thoughts seem to drift to farm animals this morning!)

(Dance seems to love to pose by this sign...)

I watch a few more videos of self-trimmers and vow to get to it tomorrow.

Somewhere in those sunny and totally freezing hours, Ed and I take a walk. Super cold! Super beautiful.

I end the day with a Zoom chat with a friend, followed by some big time soup cooking. Lentil soup. 

 

 

 

If ever there was a day for hot soup (going down to 1 F tonight... that's -17 C), this surely is it!

Thursday - 314th

Oh, what a beautiful morning! 

Oh what a beautiful day!

Corny lyrics of an old fashioned song. When you get older, those kinds of things happen: songs pop into your head that speak to the moment. It's not always a good thing: for a while, I could not look up at a beautiful blue sky without singing to myself  -- everything's better with blue bonnet on it. A jingle from a TV commercial in the sixties.

So, a fine day! A warmish day. A one day pause from below freezing temperatures.

I'm up very early and so is Ed because I receive a notification in response to my many many inquiries about where to get a vaccination. So I need to respond and Ed needs to respond as well and so long as we're doing all this responding we may as well be up and eating breakfast.

You will notice perhaps that my hair is getting very long. Very long. At first I was amused and Ed said he liked it, but lately I've been thinking that it would be awfully nice not to care for such long hair. So I spend the morning watching youtubes on how to give yourself a haircut if you have a certain style in mind. And I do, and it's complicated. But hey, what can you lose -- all hair grows back!

I don't quite get to the act of cutting itself today, because shortly after noon, I have a Zoom meetup with my Polish friends. It was planned on the day after January 6, when we were all shell shocked by what had happened in D.C. We wanted to come together the day after the inauguration, with the hope of toasting to celebrate a safe and peaceful transfer of power.

Champagne corks popped!

And immediately after my meetup, Ed and I set out to fill our souls with the beautiful great outdoors. A longer hike is in order! 

We head out to a segment of the Ice Age Trail just north and west of Madison. True, clouds rolled in and the wind gusted fiercely, but it was grand!

Really grand!

Now, back to my Prosecco, opened with my Polish friends. Can't let all those bubbles fizz out.

With love...

January 20th

Teary and weary. That's how someone described his feelings today. I like that phrase. It describes one set of emotions. I could, of course, add so many more!

We wake up to happy, snappy cold and glorious sunshine! Good morning, new day!

Somewhere in there we eat breakfast. With the TV on.

It's a perfect day for baking (TV stays on!) and I reach for a recipe that makes use of one of the many squashes I'm keeping in the mudroom, leftover from my CSA deliveries. The recipe comes from pastry chef Nicole Rucker and has the lengthy name of "Kabocha, Olive Oil and Bittersweet Chocolate Cake."

First, you roast the kabocha squash:

Then you puree, sift, stir, mix and bake:

I''ll keep a small end for us and take the rest to the young family. Call it a January 20th cake!

But before I drive over with it, I have my weekly FaceTime meetup with Snowdrop.

Happy girl. I'm sure it's for all the reasons we are happy in life: warm house, caring people, good food, and sunshine pouring into your living space.

(A chance to also catch up with mom...)

Delivery time! I get a thumbs up for the cake. Or is it a sweet bread? A sweet loaf.

Very late in the day, I make myself a little lunch. I mention this because my cake people suggested that if you have extra squash pureed, set it aside for later: it's great spread on a piece of toast. And they are right. It is!

Later, toward evening, Ed and I go out to ski. One must! 

 

 

 

 

And we have the trail to ourselves. This is no surprise: the wind is absolutely fierce. Do I notice? Do I care? No!

When things begin to look hopeful, a cold wind slides into irrelevance. It just doesn't matter -- the day is that good!

(as the sun sets...)

 

 

 

Easy supper of eggs and smoked salmon. I have to admit it -- it's one of my favorite light meals. With asparagus maybe and also lots of sauteed mushrooms. And a salad. So simple, so good for the soul. On a day that also has, despite everything, many elements that are so very good for the soul.

Tuesday - 312th

A huge day, a good day, a day filled with hope and love.

First of all there is the date: my younger girl was born on this day many many years ago! I could tell you all the ways in which I love that girl, but I don't think I need to do that: you will have guessed much of it over many Ocean posts! However, I will allow myself a tiny nostalgic flashback to when she was still young, college age maybe and she was the most perfect traveling companion. Each year she picked the destination and the two of us would set off. One year, she picked Morocco. 

The two of us traveled by train from Casablanca to Marrakech and if she felt any trepidation (on this or any other of our trips), she did not let on. Always calm, collected, rising to the occasion, always with an eye toward all things beautiful, be it the Majorelle Gardens or in our exquisite Riad El Fenn, where we escaped to in the hot afternoon hours of each day. 

On one such quiet siesta period, I dumped all my dirty travel clothes into the sink and proceeded to do a massive handwashing operation. Within the hour our beautiful room was covered with undergarments and dripping sundresses. My daughter looked with horror at the transformed space. 

Are you going to leave the clothes like that? -- she asked.

Surprised, I nodded my head. They're drying.

But mom, look at this beautiful room! It looks... not good.

And that's so like her! To question the inappropriate, the unfair, the pushing and shoving, the pomposity and in your face arrogance, the chaos, the lack of attention to style. That's her, walking the streets of Paris at age seven with carefully tied bows on her black shoes, picked by her for the occasion. That's her with the sensitive heart, always holding me back in crowded streets so that I wouldn't get in someone's way. That's her looking at the beautiful room in Marrakech and letting me know that respect for your surroundings matters.

Happy, happy birthday, little one!

(from our travels to Paris when she was a very young teen...)

 

 

 

 

(from today! three generations in one frame!)

 

 

 

Other reasons to be chipper and cheerful today: the sun peeked out, as promised. Faintly, but with a suggestion that tomorrow it will be on full display.

(morning walk was on the cloudy side, and be afternoon, it began to snow...)

Breakfast was good, too, though I warned Ed that Dance better keep her nose out of my plate or else, she's out!

 

And then, as I once again turned to scrubbing groceries, I hear the news, great news, fantastic for us news: Wisconsin will begin (true, the emphasis is on the word begin) vaccinating my demographic starting next week. 

I cannot wait.

So, good day, sweet day, nice day. Once again, with gratitude and hope.

And love.

Monday - 311th

Let's take a pause from gloomy gray days, please! Not that a warm glow hasn't filled the farmhouse -- it has. A candle burns from breakfast until bedtime. The kitchen table is full of color.

But I feel for all who live their waking hours outdoors. It can't be fun.

So again -- please, may we have some sunshine tomorrow? I mean, it's my younger girl's birthday -- she more than deserves it. A tiny bit? Okay, I'll settle for a tiny bit. If you promise you'll deliver a blast of the real deal the day after that, because you know, we're entering a new era. So, with sunshine, okay? Thank you.

Now back to the gray skies and the cold, sunless skies of today. A perfect day for writing and I do write, or not really write, but edit poorly written sentences. Which is like digging out the rotten spots on a piece of squash before you cut it up and put it in the oven.

(My mind is on squash because I'm roasting some for tonight's dinner.)

Near evening, Ed and I take a walk. Very reluctantly. Remember, we are in a gray and cold world right now. He suggests the Nature Conservancy trail, just for a change. A short drive and we are there.

Perhaps the nicest thing about it is that it is completely empty. And the sky has a fleeting moment of great beauty -- a rip in the clouds...

But it's icy and when we walk down to the wetlands it's well, even more icy. And as Ed put it -- surely devoid of any photographable landscape. Unless you're an Ansel Adams or some such talent.

On the drive back, we pause to watch the cattle huddle by the hay bales.

 

 

Are the cattle cold? They seem not too happy with the weather... Sunshine, my dears! This week you'll get sunshine! For sure.

Sunday - 310th

 To get real sensual pleasure out of a meal, an evening, a moment in time, don't you think it's important to create in your mind an image of something beautiful, exceeding perhaps the reality that you have before you? I mean, that's what I do, after all, when I burn a candle with a delicate (and it must be very delicate) fragrance of pine: a kind of magic is triggered by it, where suddenly you can feel yourself to be transported. It's only a candle, but it feels like you've just stepped out of a warm log cabin, after a fitting, breakfast into the forest of tall pines.

Or how about this: I picked up (yesterday, at the curbside farmers market) a container of honey from B's Honeys. I've liked her honeys (and corn!) for years. But I don't really go out of my way to purchase a special honey these days. There are a lot of good ones made locally and this year alone I've bought honey from both Matt (Blue Valley) and Bill (Snug Haven). Both were excellent. Still, I saw that the beekeeper was listing a Pumpkin Honey, and she described it thus: pumpkin honey has a clean fresh taste with a fruity finish. Tremendous with berries and apples. Pairs well with blue cheese... and so on. Into the shopping cart it went!

Matt and Bill laughed at my excitement. We all know that the bees were not confined to a pumpkin patch for the production of the honey. But, there must have been a moment when they buzzed their way through blooming pumpkin flowers and the image is so profoundly satisfying that today, at breakfast...

... I have a contentedness about me that surely can be attributed to that honey on the table and the evocative, sensual idea of a bee in a field of blooming pumpkins. And yes, in fact, it is singularly delicious.

Of course, it is Sunday and so the morning meal is late. Today's walk to feed the animals was normal enough...

(Once again, cloudy skies, with an occasional insignificant sprinkle of snow. And cold.)

But then there was a grocery delivery and once you're sifting and sorting through stuff, well, the morning sort of runs away from you.

 

It's Sunday and so inevitably I will spend a big chunk of the day in the kitchen. I had asked the young family what I should bake for them and the first to answer was Snowdrop: chocolate cupcakes with chocolate frosting! 

I have just the recipe for this! When my girls were young, they, too picked cupcakes more often that I can county and because it's 2021 it's easy to track down (via the internet) just about anything you did way back when and so I find our old favorite recipe (Maida Heatter -- the dessert genius of yore). I used it a lot because it would satisfy an adult palate as well: dark chocolate, with an intense chocolate ganache on top.

Today, I add a child's decoration, just because I want to do everything I can to make these kids smile.

In between the baking and the cooking, Ed and I do a loop on skis in the county park. It's not easy to be out now: everything is icy and slick! Still, we ski.

And in the evening, I get to see the kids for just a few secs as I deliver the foods for them. It's greatly satisfying to see the little one jump for joy. I'm sure it's on account of the sprinkles.

Evening quiet. There's still a lot of uncertainty out there in the real world of real facts and unknown variables. But maybe slowly we'll come to a point where it's all manageable and fine again. We live with hope.

And love.

Saturday - 309th

Well that was painful! In moving ahead with the rewrite (of my manuscript), I got stumped on a page that described one important period in my early high school years. I felt that the writing on this page was lackluster and I couldn't quite put my finger on what felt incomplete. I went down to the basement and dug out diaries I had written in the time.

I'd kept a journal, with pauses, but pretty consistently for nearly forty years, beginning at age 11. The last three decades of writing were the most detailed and intense, but I also found them to be the most insufferably nauseating and so I threw the batch of them out into a trash bin. Right by Bagels Forever on University Avenue. But I did keep the ones from the first decade, and to help myself get out of the stall on this unfortunate page, I decided to read a little from this period.

Painful, I tell you! I just kept thinking -- that girl needs help! 

None of the details came as a surprise. I have a pretty good memory of those years and my journal writing, such as it was, confirmed what I already had in my storehouse of recollections. But the angst! Oh, the angst! The inability to step outside myself, to reach beyond those adolescent emotions! When you are a teen, and out and about, you walk and talk like a fully formed person, but don't let it fool you! That's just the veneer. Dig a little and you'll find a jumble of crazy thoughts and outsized feelings. Really awful stuff. Once again I'm thinking I should dump the whole bunch of books out. No one should read this stuff ever again. But then I remember that I have grandkids and that sometimes it's very hard to put yourself inside the mind and heart of a little one and maybe it's good to keep some of this raw stuff, horrible as it is, as a peek into the soul of a young person who is still trying, with a lot of desperation, to figure things out in life.

Not to say you ever figure things out in life, but surely you get closer to a reasonable perspective once you jump out of those early, formative years.

It's a gray day once more and the only good thing I can say about that is that we are owed some sunshine big time! And when it comes back to brighten the landscape, there shall be rejoicing in this household!

In the meantime, I spend my morning outdoor time helping chickens cross the road. Or path, really,

Once again, they are undecided as to where they should hang out and what they should do with their time.

Breakfast.

I lose myself so much in my writing/editing, that I do not pay attention to the passage of time until the phone rings and a very patient farmer reminds me that I need to pick-up my order at the farmers market between 10:30 and 12:30 and we are now at 12:25.

Let me explain: Bill and Judy, the farmers who have for years supplied us with winter hoop grown spinach (through their Sung Haven CSA), inserted into their last delivery a bunch of carrots that were honestly the best I'd ever eaten. Young, sweet, delicious. I gave some to Snowdrop and her family and they got devoured very quickly. So quickly that my daughter never even saw them. So I asked if I could buy more and Bill reminded me that some of the farmers continue to sell their stuff over at MadisonFarmersUnite.com. You put in your online order by Thursday, pay by card, and pick it up at one of the local businesses that hosts the deliveries on Saturday. Curbside carrots, here we come!

Except then Saturday came and I was writing and I forgot. But never mind -- the call comes and I run to the car and drive (way too fast) to Lakeside Street Cafe, the place of my pick-up. As I get out of the car, Bill and Matt (another favorite farmer, from Blue Valley Gardens) come out with my bag of stuff (I added garlic and pumpkin honey to the order) and suddenly things feel so social: there I am, by (if not inside) the coffee shop where Snowdrop and I have munched on a million scones and cookies, and there are Bill and Matt, friends really, chatting, catching up on the last months, laughing too and I think -- wow! This is what we've been missing all these months! Real people contact!

Suddenly, the day does not seem so gray anymore. Even though it really is gray and just a degree too warm, so that the snow base is getting smaller and smaller...

Ed and I coax ourselves out for a walk. We must. It's 2021 after all! Hail the new ye! ...falalalala lalalala. 

We walk just in the development next to us and there's hail alright -- of the icy kind. Sleet, really. But we persevere. And are rewarded with that feeling of accomplishment: it was awful out there, but we survived!

We end the day with a real burst of color: I text my daughter, asking how Primrose is faring. I get a FaceTime  response. Here, the picture says it all. (Photo credit: dad)

 

Gloomy weather outside? Oh really? Didn't notice!