Wednesday - 271st

There's no question: today was busy. And it's not over yet! Typically, by the second week of December, I'm wrapping gifts, thinking about baking (sometimes it never goes beyond "thinking"), planning out the few days before Christmas, luxuriating in the sounds and smells of the season. This year, it's all a blur. And today was a fine example of this.

Not that I mind. My day is filled with so much good stuff that the chores sandwiched in when a few minutes open up seem inconsequential. Muted by the good hours spent with the kids, the calm meals with Ed, the meditative walks we routinely take now in the nearby parks. So, busy but good.

And you have to be thrilled with the weather: we have a two day interlude, where the sun is out and we're reaching the upper 40sF (maybe 8C). Delicious weather for this time of the year!

Breakfast in the sun room!

The kids' day at the farmhouse is much more relaxed because Wednesday is a day free of school lessons for Snowdrop. She has independent work, sure, and I hustle her to it somewhere in the course of the morning, but otherwise we have before us time that is entirely within the control of those two:

And perhaps predictably, Snowdrop wants to play school. 

 

 

 

In her game, school is normal. With lunch periods and recess and outings. There's no Covid in her pretend world. I am always the assistant teacher, she is both mommy and teacher, switching back and forth as the story demands it. Sparrow flits in and out of this play, always eager to join in, but distracted by some of his favorite toys -- like for example magnet dolls. The little guy may be totally indifferent to what he wears, but he loves to pick outfits for these figures!

At some point Snowdrop asks me if it's okay to let some of her school characters (aka dolls) play in water. Of course it is. I fill a tub, leave it to the kids and go back to preparing lunch. But, Snowdrop loses herself in a book (she is a terrific reader -- a real leap from last year)...

 

... and Sparrow? The tub of water transfixed him and next time I look up, I see a boy with water-soaked pants.

Well, never mind. It's pizza time.

 

This is a real cave on my part: Snowdrop loves pizza so much that she could eat it for lunch every day. Indeed, so far, they have been eating it every day. Initially I balked and pushed other ideas, but it did strike me that a pizza with tomato sauce and abundant cheese (I always overdo it) is as good as any of the other offerings, so for now, we're sticking with pizza.

And yes, in the afternoon, it's absolutely nature walk weather. The kids offer no protest!

Much later, I do run through errands and household tasks. Bank to drive through. CSA spinach to pick up. Groceries to wash. It all takes time and we are awfully close to sunset by the time Ed and I head out for our walk. 

 

But what a walk! I mean, yes -- same old same old, but it truly is one I love -- for the fields, the lake, the forest. 

And of course, at this hour, the colors are all gold, rose and heather violet. Who would not love a winter sunset walk!

Even though I have allow myself time where I do not think about how tough it is to be caring for the sick among us, I do come back to this throughout the day. In my state, in my county, hospital ICU units are 93% full right now, with a depleted, discouraged and overworked staff. How can you not think about this, not worry about the stress endured by so many? To all whose work is so tough right now, I'm sending all that I can send -- my gratitude and love.

 

Tuesday - 270th

Well, you can ignore icky weather only so much. A day that's not just gray, but windy, prickly cold, teetering on the verge of freezing does not inspire confidence. My morning walk is more like a sprint.

The kitchen breakfast is a reward! So warm and comforting!

 

I linger over my bowl for so long that the kids are already at the door and I am still slugging away at oatmeal. They are amused.

In their play, I feel they are still catching up after a three month absence. I haven't had to introduce any new ideas into the repertoire.

Well, I did actually bring out a new jigsaw puzzle. Sammy has developed a real love for them and I'm told he can aid and assist in one that's 100 small pieces. We're not quite that ambitious here. 

His sister takes one look and with that scoff that only an almost 6 year old could pull off, she says -- easy peasy lemon squeezy, and finishes it off for him. Then they do it again. It's all in the process, right?

In their play, Sparrow would like to follow his sister's movements all the time (here, she is imagining she is at a fair, doing... well, I'm not quite sure what) ... 

 

 

 

... but it's just not possible. Too, there are the school lessons and for those I'll coax him to go back to his building...

... or his stack of little guy favorite books that I keep just for him in the art room. He has learned to stay out of her way at crucial moments, only to happily chaise after her when she returns to the play room.

When it's time to go, she helps him with his vest and zipper, then she sprints off along the path. Sparrow takes it in stride, thinking, I suppose, that all bigger people run, when given the chance.

Evening. Ed and I discuss taking a walk, but we get no further than that. It's just too unpleasant outside. So it's back to the treadmill. Since October 1st, I did miss my goal once, in the middle of November, at a low point for me this entire season. But, I recovered the next day so I consider the challenge to still be alive and well. 10 000 or bust!

Okay, slow down now. It's evening. Tread gently. Give yourself a moment to exhale and think happy thoughts if you can.

With love...

 

Monday - 269th

There is that saying that kids keep you on your toes. Oh yes they do. You can't tell what their next words, actions, ideas will be. You can't prepare yourself. Much of your play with them is reactive: ultimately, they hold the reigns. 

I was thinking about that today as I scrambled to move stuff around to accommodate a sudden switch of Snowdrop's school Zoom time -- from work space, to a select play spot. For that, she chose a hidden corner of the farmhouse where there stands a potty. It's waiting for its next user and then I suppose the yet-to-be-born user. I quickly grabbed the little seat out of camera range, but it was no use. When asked to describe her play space, Snowdrop looked around and noted that there was a sudden conspicuous absence of the potty. I had to smile: perhaps her teacher and class playgroup think that this child's one play space at the farmette is in the bathroom. (In fact, there is no bathroom on the ground floor here at all and I've preferred keeping a potty handy rather than having the kids scrambling up the and down the steep slippery steps when the urge strikes.)

If you keep an ear to the classroom conversation, you can pick up interesting tidbits about kids' lives (including which families do and which do not take mitigating measures against the spread of the virus). An insight into private spaces, exposed now because the kids are home rather than in the classroom.

 

I had a few extra minutes for idle thoughts because the move of kids from home to farmhouse came a little later than expected. The teacher's early morning session lasted too long and there was no time to do the transfer before the next one. So Ed and I lingered over breakfast...

And then finally the kids came, insisting this time on using the refurbished front entrance!

They plunge into play with such vigor that you'd think they hadn't been around toys for years.

All this, of course, punctuated by Snowdrop's school sessions. I listen in a little and I hear others doing some math counting. But Snowdrop is quiet. I whisper -- shouldn't you join in? She gives an impish smile and whispers back -- I'm mouthing the numbers so that it looks like I'm saying them with the others! She has invented a way to keep herself amused. Didn't we all do that in school...

There is a moment where the kids do some form of relaxation yoga-ish exercises. I like that. I want to melt into my own space too! Unfreeze all that is tense and stiff within me!

(Snowdrop is growing out her bangs. For now.)

There is, too, some productive solo work time today: Snowdrop has to write about and illustrate her  surroundings. This she likes. And again I just have to smile. On one page, presumably depicting the main room of the farmhouse, she has drawn two items: a couch and a TV, possibly giving the impression that this is the thrust of her time here: couch, TV.

Toward the end of their time here, we do another wonderful nature walk!

True, we don't have the sunshine. And yes, it's pretty close to freezing. None of this appears to bother the kids today. They frolic as if it were June. Well, Sparrow is a little tentative about the running and jumping.

 

Snowdrop flies with abandon.

 

 

(Hiding...)

 

And then I take them home.

 

Toward evening Ed and I take a walk in the new development. I look at the new homes, many of them already occupied and decorated for the holidays. Perhaps the joy of moving into a new home will soften the ache of spending time away from the extended family this year. I hope so. Anything to fight the fatigue that I see in so many who just have had it with the virus even though the virus has definitely not had it with the likes of us. Just ask the wife of our friend -- she is a physician on the Covid unit at one of our hospitals.

Thinking tonight of all those who work so hard, so very hard to help those who are so very sick.

With love...

Sunday - 268th

 Lots of mini steps, all day long! Do this, do that, tidy here, clean there, cook now, cook later. With hardly a pause. And so I especially profited from my "morning with the pines..."

... and breakfast with Ed. 

 

The rest is a blur, really it is. Yes, there was a quiet walk squeezed into the afternoon, but it wasn't to any great destination. Ed said -- gorgeous, we're running out of places to walk, but I thought that was the wrong approach. It really doesn't matter where we walk -- the goal is to clear the head and move the legs and feel safe. That's it.

(loons, geese and ducks...)

 

 

(frozen)

 

(now I know who knocks the air out of holiday inflatables!)

In the evening, it rains awesomeness my way. Primrose calls and tells me about her tree, her holiday chain, her bells...

 

 

And there is familial overlap: the Madison young family is here once again for dinner. They have joined our isolation pod and they follow our strict safety protocols. And so we have Sunday dinners at the farmhouse again.

 And the kids play...

And we are reminded that this is what we all want and are waiting for. It's worth doing your bit if you can, just so we can all return to evenings like this.

With love...

Saturday - 267th

How much do you like holiday music? I have found that people have really strong feelings about this: negative or positive. Let's see if you can guess where I land...

You're right! I have always loved it: choral, instrumental, traditional, jazz and even occasionally the playful stuff (Muppets come to mind). It's all great. For 25 days I can't get enough of it. Since I don't like using ear plugs, I am so grateful to Ed for tolerating this. (His music engagement is... slight.) Yes, I keep the volume really low, but I do consider it an essential part of life on these very short days of winter.

And the days are indeed short (though not as short as in, say, Poland).

And they are cold. 

I notice that frosty crispness on my morning farmette walk. But then, I notice a lot on this short stroll!

 

 

Ed and I were listening today to a snippet on public radio about the concept of taking a forest bath, where you slowly absorb, with all your senses, all that a forest (or even a few trees) can offer. Deliberately, intensely. For me, the farmette pine grove offers this space where I can connect to all that grows around us. It's just magical to me, especially now: winter pairs well with pines!  

(A fragment of my morning forest bath...)

 

 

 

I do a bit of housecleaning before breakfast and so Ed and I get to our meal just before it's time for me to meet up with my Polish friends (always at noon my time).

The Zoom Polish call has become an anchor for all of us. Sure, we have our families, our friends and pals, but navigating this strange new world is hard and sharing our own personal sagas is important. We do it together, every few weeks.

Unfortunately one (absent) friend from our group has taken a turn for the worse with COVID, but it helps to talk this out with all the others. Who would doubt that sharing information that's not so great is important.

And it is true that I am the one who is especially grateful for these Zoom calls. I'm the outlier, the one who lives in that strange country where they can't seem to get the virus under control. Poland, too, has had a bad run of it lately, but it never had the initial surge that we did and even the second surge appears to be tapering off a bit, though accurate data are hard to come by. 

As we Zoom chat, we don't have to say out loud what we miss most -- we all miss our kids and grandkids terribly. And after that? Friends. (Though for me, seeing these people would require such a long trip! Right now I am not thinking that far ahead. At the moment I don't miss travel at all, because travel has been contaminated with transmission. How soon will it become the bedrock of my retirement again? I cannot tell. One month at a time.)

 

In the late afternoon, Ed and I drive out to the Brooklyn Wildlife Area. Deer hunting by rifle is over in Wisconsin, but hunters are still prowling around. They're allowed to go after squirrels, rabbit, pheasant, quail and grouse. Too, you can still kill deer with a bow and arrow or a muzzleloader whatever that is. (Yes, I could look it up, but do I want to?)  It is overall safer now especially if you wear blaze orange, and we do.

The views are familiar to us, but still very pretty! Against a beautiful Wisconsin sky.

The sun is setting by the time we come home.

Music on, candle lit, salmon panfried with a tart sauce and cheesie veggies to fill that ache for something comforting.

Be good, stay healthy.

With love...