time to change

Funny how you can love new things, yet hate to change old habits. That's my thought for this morning. Here's what lead me to it:

I get up very early and it is very cold. As in very many degrees below freezing. Perhaps the coldest day of the year. Nonetheless, the wind chills did not hit the magic mark of -30F (-34C), so schools remained open. Still, when I go out to feed the animals at sunrise, I feel the sharp needles of freezing air hit my face. Yep, cold.

And yet, the cardinal is up on the crab, singing away.

I am in a hurry: I have an 8am PT appointment. I'm back with my post knee replacement surgery super hero -- David (the therapist). David guided me through the exercises nearly two years ago and as a result of his expert help, I can now bend that darn knee almost fully (he remains impressed by this!). When my doc said I needed therapy for my other, non-replaced knee, I did not sign up for just anyone -- I wanted David. I had to wait four months for an appointment, but it was worth it! The guy is a walking bank of knowledge on the human body.

But this is not why I am just tickled to pieces by today's visit: sure, I get my knee exercises set up, sure I will do them to postpone any surgical work on my second knee. But while there, I ask him as well if he ever worked with people who have what I have -- occipital neuralgia. (It's when your head nerves are inflamed so you have all sorts of unwelcome head issues.) And he has! Well now, forget the knee (for the moment)! How do I get rid of this incredibly annoying and persistent problem? David tells me -- try the lazy way first: just change your reading/writing habits.

He takes a ball -- the size of a soccer ball -- and has me hold it. It's weighted at ten pounds. That's close to the weight of your head. Heavy, right? You lean it forward and you're putting a lot of pressure on your neck and head muscles, which in turn pinch your nerves. Hence the occipital neuralgia.

It took my hero PT guy to explain how to better position myself for a life without weird head sensations. I felt buoyed! I felt jubilant! Suddenly an unsolvable problem appears to have a fantastically simple  solution! 

Until I come home and try changing my habits. 

It should be simple, really. All I have to do is not bend my head forward (which I do to read and write on my laptop). So, lift the computer, maybe get a separate keyboard for it. Just don't look down.  Easy peasy, right?

Oh god is it hard! It's as if my whole body is yearning for that laptop to be ... on my lap! I want it there, not up high (so that I can keep my head on top of my spine where it belongs). Why couldn't we have evolved to conform to life's new demands (of a lap top on your lap!)? 

I tell Ed that the problem is with sitting on a couch and leaning forward. He considers this. In the evening he suggests rearranging the furniture so that the second lesser couch is against a wall. That way I can prop up a pillow to support my head. The cats hate this new furniture arrangement (they do not like change). The kids wont like it much either (they do not like change) when they see it tomorrow. But I'm giving it a go. It is worth it. (And if you dont want to pinch your nerves or aggravate them, heed David's warning -- keep that head straight, eyes forward, none of this leaning down on your neck!

 

Breakfast is very late. After my PT, I had to wash the car. Normal people do not do this when it is so very cold, but that's exactly why I was at the car wash -- there were no lines. 

And I picked up some treats at Tati's coffee shop and Ed and I have a lovely breakfast that still fits within the parameters of a morning meal. But just barely.

In the afternoon I go off to pick up the kids. Sparrow tells me -- I didn't recognize your car! It's usually so dirty! Hey, blame the salty roads, little guy!

Yes, it's cold. They seem not to notice it. Kids...

We read. Sparrow abandons his pretense of indifference and joins Snowdrop and me on the couch. Snowdrop, as usual, cannot stand not knowing the ending. She peeks. I remind her I don't want to know! She tells me anyway.

Is there anything as great as reading books together with kids? On a freezing day?

And in the evening I once again bring out the leftovers. Chicken, sliced into a salad. And, as I said -- we move around furniture. And pillows for support. Easy fixes... Dont you just wish there were always easy fixes out there for life's intractable problems...

with love...

blast

We wake up to -5F (-21C), only we read that it feels like -14F (-26C) because of the wind. 

I do not rush to get out of bed, let alone go outside to feed the animals.

Instead, we stay upstairs and read, Ed lost in his next machine design, me -- well, picking up the threads of current news stories.

Morning thoughts? I can't help but think that history will look back at this period and it will not look kindly on us. Bad enough that we allowed this (nay, voted for it, so we asked for this!) to take place in our own country, wrecking, destroying, gloating, but it seems we are also awfully good at exporting our smug belligerent attitude of a bullying out of control emperor run amuck, hell bent on spitting fire on (former) friends and ravaged by war, disaster and disease people with whom we share this planet. History will judge us harshly. 

It's a gorgeous day.... to stay inside.

Still, those animals....

I head out.

(This is what I would call a stare-down: Tuxie is afraid of getting near the chicken. The chicken is afraid of getting near anyone. Who will prevail??)

(It even looks cold!)

 

Breakfast -- we should hunker down with oatmeal, but the granola is so good!

And then I do more reading. Yes, about politics, but, too, travel -- these two carry me through the day when I have free time. (Taxes will have to wait -- I haven't the stomach for them today.) And I do have time because the kids are off from school with supervision elsewhere. And it's good reading. Yes, I am properly horrified by the bullying venom coming out of the billionaire's mouth and the hateful speech is generates on his favorite platform, but I will not allow myself to get riled up about it. Making people angry -- that's his agenda, not mine. Instead, I try to stay focused on the facts -- what's being done and with what consequences for whom. Right now, all I can do is stay informed and think about a few what ifs, but not too many. One day at a time.

That's politics for you. My second reading theme is in fact a superb counter to the dismal news. I read about food and travel. And I have a link for you if you are at all planning trips for yourself, for your family! Here it is: 50 tips on better travel. I'm not sure I agree with all of them, but I do find them all to be good food for thought. The author has had (he says) 53 years of travel experience. I've had more (meaning I'm older!) and yet it's never enough. You're always learning what fits your mode, your mindset, what triggers the best reflection and reaction. And lets not forget this -- what makes you happy! [Sometimes I watch tour groups straining to hear the bored words of a guide as they push their way through crowded star attractions and I think -- who in that group is happy? Or, I listen to the rundown of the famous places that must be checked off in cities that do indeed have very many famous places and it strikes me as so insane. Are you having fun yet??]

Italians have a name for a way to get to enjoyment: Slow Food, Slow Travel. I think both need no explanation.

 (at home, my December amaryllis plant decided to spring another bud and deliver more flowers!)

 

 

(looking out the kitchen window: lots of deer passing through)

 

 

In the late afternoon I shuffle Snowdrop from her Shakespeare play rehearsal to her dance class. After the drop off, I find myself close to the grocery store and so I do my shopping for the week. There is something special about filling your cart in the evening hours. The store isn't empty, but it is somehow peaceful. Perhaps after a long day people are not in a hurry. And of course, every last item looks delicious, because you're hungry. 

At home, I reheat leftovers -- a Monday tradition here, at the farmhouse. We add a quilt to the couch, not because the house is cold, but because it is so freezing out there that you feel chilled just thinking about it! I wonder if schools will close tomorrow -- the morning temp is to be -13F (-25C) and that's before factoring in the winds. But you know, further north it will be even colder and hey, after this week, we are moving ever so closer to spring.

Did I ever tell you how much I love spring?

with love...

Sunday

It's cold, but it will be colder, and besides, there we do get some sunshine! And don't forget about the snow! We've got it!

I had two tasks for this day. Both require gobs of time and neither is likely to be finished, but I had to start in on one of them. I chose the one that's a tiny bit more fun: putting together a photo book. (The other? begin unraveling the tax stuff.)

I use Blurb and Book Wright for photo books. It's not intuitive, unless you use both frequently and I don't use them frequently. Getting started is always frustrating and getting to the end is even more frustrating because it always takes longer than you think it should. I oftentimes wont even edit the final product, I am that tired of it. Still, I have a chunk of hours and I cannot devote yet another day to trip reshuffling (although I would like to!). 

First, though, the animals. I tell them that they will have to put up with the winds and the cold for just a couple more days. I truly think we're nearing the end of wintry cold weather. 

But, they stare at me incomprehensibly and demand their food. Fine, go for it.

On Sundays, I try to tidy things around odd corners of the house. And this is the day I water the plants -- here and in the sheep shed. My orchids, which I over-winter there are splendid as always and they bloom for months on end.

Here, the over-wintered plants are variously healthy. Some are crying out for more sunshine. Others are happy to take what they have. (The tulip bulbs are past their bloom, but I like them even in their spent state. So does Dance.)

And now it's breakfast time with Ed and my flowers. They're a little rough around the edges (sort of like Ed!), but I don't mind. 

And I lose myself in the photo book project. 

We almost do not go out this afternoon, but oh, am I glad that in the end we gave ourselves a push to take our skis to our local park. Yes, it's cold, but the sunshine is just splendid. I cannot tell you how many times I tell Ed that this luxury of having a county park nearby is just beyond awesome. 

Back at the farmhouse, I put away my laptop and head for the kitchen. Sunday dinner is back on the calendar. For these guys:

And this is how a whole day passes without too many glances at the news out there. Yes, I felt the gloom with the radio on at meal prep time. Yes, I read opinions about the spineless Congress protecting their skin but ceding their power. About the budget of cuts, and of benefits for those who are doing the cuts. Yes, my blood boiled for just a little. But I let it all simmer and drift away today. It's Sunday: time to regroup and get strength for the week ahead! Right?

Right.

with love...

Valentine's Day redux!

Well isn't it nice when you get your sleep, the temps go up to a decent winter level, you move your body a lot, flowers arrive, and you have nothing more urgent on your plate for the day than a ski outing with your sweetie, and time to reconfigure (yet again!) some future travel adventures? Yes it is.

Sure, I did begin the day with reading news and commentary to the news and commentary to the commentary. But then I put it aside. For a good many hours. And the day unfolded in the gentlest manner. And I fell captive to its seductive quiet. Peace reigned in the farmhouse.

I do have some photos, because a lot of snow fell last night and it of course brightened the landscape considerably, even if it was not a sunny day.

I had scheduled an early grocery delivery and Ed was sleeping in today. The driveway, therefore, remained snow covered. I could have woken him. Or, I could have heaved open the door to the shed where we keep the blower, which I sort of know how to operate. But instead, I chose to hand shovel the entire driveway on my own. I know at my age I should take care, but I felt energetic and the snow wasn't that heavy, so I went at it. Yeah!

Breakfast (still with the old flowers, but with my Valentine sweetie!)

(I glanced out the window and noticed that it was snowing again -- just enough to cover some bare spots, not enough to undo my driveway efforts.)

 

We returned briefly to The Topic, but Ed was in a fairly upbeat mood (he rarely goes up or down, but his machine design is going so well that he actually is tipping upwards these days!). His response to my report on news stories? Well, when Obama was elected, gun sales skyrocketed. He seems to have scared some people. Now, with Trump, gun sales are down again, so that's a good thing. On the other hand, anxieties about the Constitution are high. Maybe we'll get lucky and our fears will be for nothing.

Okay, I'll stay with that for the day.

Of course we go skiing. Of course we do! To the forest! 

And then I'm back with my scheming and planning. I am so very aware that my travels may be receding as the years progress and the body twitches and the worries multiply. And so every trip becomes important and deserves full consideration. (Or let's face it -- I just really do love the process of scheming and rearranging!)

In the evening I cook cabbage soup. A real central European dish very much at odds with the predinner drink -- champagne! (I had opened a half bottle of champagne yesterday and my drinking behavior is such these days that I much remains. Besides, it's Valentine's Day redux!)

Oh, and the much delayed flowers finally arrived and despite their torture (remaining on the truck in the cold for all those days), they seem to have survived.

Such a good day. And yes, I am so very grateful for all that went well for us today!

with so much love...

Happy Valentine's Day?

Yes it is!

Despite  a very slow start to the festivities. 

There was the night. Sleepless again. I may be reading too much, but in the middle of the night I decided I am not doing enough. Doing what, you ask? Well, advance planning in case things tumble with the speed of a rolling stone. I talk to Ed about this (yes, in the middle of the night). I mean, I'm one of those ancient types who is living off of a government social security check, and a state government pension check, and some savings invested in the market. No gold bullion under my mattress. And not much diversification And a heavy reliance on a functional government bureaucracy! There's not room for error here. So, I spin and fret and bug Ed, even though he keeps saying "go to sleep." 

I did want a nice breakfast today. I planned to have extra nice flowers delivered yesterday. Each year I pick one treat: sometimes chocolates, sometimes flowers, sometimes bubbly wine... this year I threw in my dice behind flowers. 

They did not arrive.

Not yesterday, not this morning. Many apologies from the flower people but hey, you cannot decorate your morning table with apologies. Ah well, I have the grocery store bouquet and though it's old, it's still nice.

I feed the animals. It is cold. Very cold.

To add warmth to our morning Valentine's Day meal, I bake my VERY BEST blueberry muffins.

And while I'm baking, Ed gets a call from the people working on his machining design. It's an important call: the project is nearing completion and they have a bunch of good test results coming in, so I don't blame him for taking the call. I mean, it will be nice to put the new model into production if the company stays afloat (you know -- despite the market chaos). Still, I ate our special Valentine's Day breakfast without my goofy Valentine.

And then I went back to reading the news, ostensibly to stay informed, but of course, I am, if anything, too informed. So much so that I can't sleep at night. And it's too cold to go skiing or walking or to do anything outdoors, and don't tell me that it's all in the clothes -- stepping out feels... cold.

 

Here's where things turn around a bit: in the warm quiet of our living room, I thought about how good these years have been for me. How many kind people there are in my everyday. How luck has been with me for a long while now. And on top of everything -- there is now snow outside.

I worry about this country, I really do. Being poorly informed never served anyone well and we are a nation of very under-informed people. The complexities of life in the 21st century grow steeper and deeper, and we remove ourselves from expertise because it's far easier to pick up a piece of gossip from a friend than to dig in and try to understand why the world moves in the way it does. It reminds me of the days of Copernicus who proposed a theory of the universe that was at odds with the conventional thinking, and of Galileo who then was put under house arrest for defending the Copernicus model. I imagine there was a lot of support for doing away with Galileo. Complexity is always so unattractive. It messes with your life and it's hard to unscramble. Seems that we've been fighting science for hundreds of years now!

 

In the afternoon I pick up the Valentine babes. 

They spend the entire time in the car negotiating with me how much Valentine candy they can sample. Yes, Valentine candy, because it seems that simply handing out Valentines to your classmate is so... yesterday. Today you stick on a treat or a small gift of some sort. Oh, nothing big and nothing too sweet, but still, you have to wonder -- isn't it better to just hand out cute little V Day cards? With the inclusion of treats, the Valentines themselves were definitely not the star attraction.

And finally, Valentine's Day evening.  

 

 

I defrosted two tiny lobster tails and I bake them in the scampi style, along with two ears of corn for Ed and myself. 

 

 

No flowers, no gifts or cards. Just us, once again content, because it's snowing hard outside and here we are -- safe and warm, and together. With so much love.

Happy, happy Valentine's Day. 

investing in something without a quick return

One (of many) conclusion I've drawn from reading and watching news analyses is that we are a nation with a short memory and with a oversized craving for instant gratification. Now, Ed has been counseling me to back away from so much news reading and news thinking (and thus news writing), and I am going to follow his advice today, tomorrow and maybe through the weekend. Read once, put it aside. Done. But some thoughts do stay with me and the one about instant gratification bounced around, then simmered to the surface again as I opened my emails this morning. Remember when I signed onto a bunch of cooking newsletters a few weeks back (in an effort to diversify my reading portfolio and introduce new foods into my rotation)? Well, this morning, Tamar Adler ("the Kitchen Shrink") delivered into my mailbox the perfect way to poach a chicken breast.

Do you know how easy it is to have your chicken meat crimp over itself, giving you a tough, dry piece of rubber? Yes, if you ever boiled chicken breasts, you know what I'm talking about. Turns out all you have to do is put this piece of meat into boiling water (no salt! but you can throw in other aromatics if you wish), turn off the heat and leave it there, covered of course, for twenty minutes. And if you keep it in longer, because you're ancient and you forgot to set the clock, or whatever -- no prob! Let it rest like that for up to an hour (I'm told)! It still will be succulent and tasty for your salads, tacos, etc.

The point is that doing things in anticipation of a better outcome down the road (subscribing to newsletters that maybe someday will deliver something worthwhile) should be in our nature. And yet, we demand instant gratification.

Okay, so it snowed yesterday and last night. Beautiful, fluffy snow.

 

 

But it is very very cold outside and this isn't the end of it, because it is only going to get colder next week. Think Polar Arctic bone-chilling air. Yep, coming our way.

Getting Dance to go outside (for bathroom duty!) is difficult. I finally forced her out after what must have been at least 24 hours of failed effort. As a reward, we waited breakfast for her! (She loves to join us at the table, even though she gets no food out of the deal. Today, she reveled in playing with the pussy willows.)

Afterwards, well, I peaked at the newspaper again. Mistake. I read this article (another gifted one for you). Unfortunately it reminded me of that other period in my life -- living in an undemocratic country, where so many felt compelled (for actually good reasons) to show loyalty to a regime they privately did not support. The article addresses the question of why influential people stay silent, even as institutions and laws in their country are being ripped apart with the speed of lightening. Read it if that topic interests you. I just nodded my head throughout. So familiar! And here's the warning that comes with it: autocratic rulers are insatiable. Give in once, and they're not done with you. And after a while they will suck you dry. And in a country where collective action is uncommon, the autocrat will prevail. So, that was definitely not a cheerful moment. Ed and I should have at this point gone skiing, but it really is too cold and besides, Ed had to wait for a call from the Wall Street Journal (he was being interviewed on the subject of tariffs). Good excuse to stay home and stare glumly at the wall.

Well, not exactly. The sunlight is brilliant. The landscape is beautiful.

Again, I am reminded of Poland: in the years I lived there, so many of us took to the mountains, the forests, the fields and meadows. We were a nation of walkers. And those habits stayed with us, even as we rid ourselves of despots and returned the nation to a democratic system of governance. So maybe Ed and I should double down and get out even more? 

Maybe. When the temps get out of the "greatly below freezing" range.

I pick up Snowdrop today. We were to go downhill skiing but I deemed it too cold. I'm sure she thought I was being over protective, but honestly, the winds are strong and the temp never climbed above 12F (-11C) and that just seemed to me to be too harsh. So we stayed in the farmhouse. (To which she walked tossing her jacket aside...)

We are starting in on the sequel to a very good book and that has us busy for ... several hours! (Yes, ice cream and short sleeves. Yes, in this weather. She is a winter girl alright!)

Evening -- I drop off the girl.

 

 

Crisp, cold. I had made a frittata yesterday. Reheat and eat. And brace for more snow. Yes, I admit it -- I like it. But of course, even now, I have to gripe about the weather: it's too cold!

with love...

smoke and snow

Keeping an eye on things: that's what I'm doing. Making sure I'm understanding what's really happening. Not being blinded and arrested in my tracks by the smoke that is deliberately there to confuse and to instill worry. All that, and watching the snow swirl around us this morning! I'd say I have my work cut out for me.

So about that snow... It starts off meekly.

 

Well that's good. I want to drive downtown to the bakery: time to restock our croissant supply and maybe get a fresh loaf of bread for Ed. 

The traffic does start to crawl when the snows come down. Yes, you would guess as much: people need to be careful, right? Maybe, but I do think the roads become flooded with cars then: it just gets crowded, as if people are in a hurry to get things done before accumulations become significant.

By the time I come home (nearly an hour later!), Ed has to go off to do a work call, so I eat my delicious croissant alone.

Once Ed is done with his stuff and comes back for his own breakfast,  we resume our ongoing conversation about "what's next." At our age, you'd think "what's next" deserves little air space. Most ancient people stay home until they can't, at which point they are moved to institutional care. I suppose you can also move in with your kids, but I don't know a single person on the planet who'd want to do that. Or maybe you could go to jail for some nefariously committed sinful act. Those are your choices. (I do know one person who sold his house and went on to live on a boat but I'd say that's not a viable option for most of us.) So what are we even considering?

I suppose broadly speaking, we just want to stay in our bubble of a quiet life and take care of ourselves as best we can. Imagining scenarios under which we would have to make changes to our farmette life is not unusual for us. I remember tracking Covid early in 2020. We knew pretty quickly that we would be heading toward isolation. Our own, if not everyone else's. You just had to look at the numbers in China and then France (first cases: back in January of that year) to understand that this country was going down next. Or, last year we talked about what would happen to the cats if one of us died. Well, specifically, if Ed wasn't around anymore. Or, more recently we considered what we would do with the farmette cats if bird flu spread rapidly to the outdoor feline population. We tend to speculate: what if this, what should we do if that. We are both good at calm proactive planning. And so we are spending some time on that kind of musing and ruminating now. Not only and indeed, not at all about cats this time!

...While the snow falls and the smoke fills our news feeds and battered souls.

In the afternoon I head out very slowly to pick up the kids.

They, of course, are thrilled with the snowfall, as well they should be. We haven't had any this year at all!

We have a short time at the farmhouse and we spend most of it on getting to a riveting climax in a book. (Sparrow again stays with his Legos, but yesterday he talked about the characters in the book, referring to them by name. Clearly he is listening, though he pretends otherwise.)

And now I have an evening of quiet. It's still snowing and when I step outside, the silence is gentle -- as if someone were turning down the volume very slowly, leaving you with the last fading notes of a good song. With a goodnight, and a sigh, allowing myself to be content for now...

with love...

 

Tuesday calm

It is literally the calm before the storm, except this time, I am in fact referring to a meteorological phenomenon: we're to get blasted by some precipitation tomorrow and then again on the weekend.

Might it finally deliver some snow to this parched landscape?? Maybe.

For now, we have what I would call a lacy snow dusting. I suppose it adds interest to the familiar walk to the barn.

Okay, perhaps not a whole lot of interest.

Ed is down for breakfast rather early. The good thing about his unexpectedly prompt appearance is that once he is in the kitchen, I turn off the radio. And so I only digested half of the news stories for the day! This is perfect: I feel informed but not overwhelmed!

There is every reason in the world to take a walk today. Sunshine, a cold day but one that doesn't knock you down. And yet I don't. Living entirely by the book, filling my day only with things that are good for me hasn't exactly been my style in life. In this way I remind myself I am human: for every good for me act (oatmeal this morning!) there is a lapse and a slack (no walk!). I sit back and enjoy the sunlight through the window. And think about spring planting. (Big question: should I go back to shrub roses? I mean, it's a real dilemma!)

February is the month when our favorite greenhouses (Kopke's and Natalie's) start their annual plantings. It's hard to believe that in two months I'll be putting new lilies and heliopsis and phloxes into the ground. The difference between a February day and an April day is huge! It feels good to know that the first daffodil will likely bloom April 1st.

In the meantime, can I show off my indoor tulips and fragrant hyacinths once again? They look especially radiant in sunlight!

Here's another thing to think about: did you know that this week is registered as Random Acts of Kindness week? True, the company that reminded me of the designation was just trying to get me to buy their goods, and my act of kindness included deleting them from my email cache, but after doing that I thought -- well so what if it's not widely observed? If even only a million people took up this call and did a million random acts of kindness this week, wouldn't we all be the better for it? 

My own act of kindness included taking the kids for ice cream after school. Perhaps not so random and well you might ask if I would have done it anyway, but the fact is that today, I really did not want to do it. It's a bother, it's too cold and it's expensive. But, I pushed myself and there you have it: two happy kids:

(At the Chocolate Shoppe)

In the evening I reheat the last of the chili. In pacing the kitchen floor (listening to the news again), I think, too, about how little I've strayed from repeating suppers week after week, month after month. And you know what? This isn't going to be the month for straying or innovating. It just isn't. More for repeating and serving all that you know will be loved. Your small contribution to keeping things calm. And happy. Where you can.

with love...