too fast

You'd think that speed (of the "moving fast" kind) is something only the young crave. That when you get older, you join the ranks of the turtle squad: slow and steady, crawling to your next activity, and the one after, with great pauses in between. 

So why did I get a speeding ticket on my way to the bakery this morning?

(Can I blame the elections? Maybe!)

Would you believe it -- it's only my second one ever, and the first was decades ago, in a speed trap where I dared go a few miles over the posted 25 mph.  Yes, it's true -- I am a cautious driver. I keep my eyes open for children, bicyclists, deer, cats, squirrels, and police cars. I rarely go over the speed limit in urban areas -- that kind of driving carries with it too many risks. But, I have a different metric for the rural roads which surround us. When there's no way in hell anything can come at me, when the signs says 40 mph and the stretch of road is long and unobstructed, when there's a hill going down, down down...well, I tend to speed. Not when kids are in the car (for one thing, the oldest always questions any reading on the speedometer that is over the speed limit and what kind of an example do you want to set for the future drivers of America?). But when I am alone, when there seems to be no one, not even a police car, well, that speedometer can crawl up. And up.

This is how early today, after feeding the animals...

I set out for the bakery -- it was just on the hour and I was glued to the news on the radio (you see! it's the elections!), thus not too attentive to the possibility of hidden police cars -- and I pushed the foot too far down on the gas pedal. I realized that I was way over what was permissible and braked, but it was too late. He had seen me and he pulled me over.

I wish there was a good moral to the story (besides the obvious one: don't speed), but the thing is, speeding to appointments, meetups, events (today I had a doc's visit and so I wanted to be quick about going for breakfast treats first) -- this is so ingrained in our culture that honestly, if I only drove the speed limit everywhere, people would give me the finger and honk. Or, worse - throw me pitying glances, the kind that are telling me that they think I am ancient. Go back to your wheelchair, lady! -- that kind of thing.

The cost of today's croissant: $4.50 + $98.80 = $103.30.

While the cop was checking my documents, I get a phone call on my cell. There's a company board meeting that Ed is supposed to attend (on Zoom) and they can't get him to pick up the phone. Assuming that he was still snoozing under the quilt and that I was there as well, I'm asked - could you nudge him please?

I've just been stopped for speeding! I cannot! Damn it.

That is my morning. 

On the upside, and there is always an upside til the day you or your loved ones are stardust, the doc said my neck (which many have observed can look weirdly lumpy) is fine and the sun came out and I sat down (alone, because guess what, Ed had a board meeting) to a lovely meal of a fresh croissant with milky coffee. And fruit.

The morning went by quickly. I dont know why. One minute it was 10, the next it was time for me to pick up my granddaughter at school. I say granddaughter because her brother is out sick today. So, just Snowdrop.

The girl is always concerned about time passing too quickly. If I take a few minutes to attend to something, or if she wastes time goofing around on Ed's computer, she'll ask anxiously -- will I still have time to play? Will we still have time to read? For her, her after school hours always go by too fast.

Time. You know and I know that it drags when you're hating what's happening to you, or when you're bored, and speeds when you're enjoying yourself. I suppose when you're older, you've had too many stretches of wasted boring stupid unpleasant time and you tend to want to get to your moments of quiet, of bliss, of contemplation, of pleasurable comaraderie, of tasty treats quickly, so that you can stretch these out into a span of infinite time (well, as close to infinite as you can manage). You speed in a car so that you can slow down elsewhere. Though not me, not anymore. I'm putting the brakes on. That delightful and delicious croissant this morning proved to be just a little too expensive for my taste.

with love...