Years added to our tally: Ed and I started being a thing 21 years ago today. On his birthday. He was then freshly 55 years old. I was 52. I didn't know it was his birthday. He worked hard on not telling me these things, assuring me that he didn't care, didn't celebrate, didn't count. Alright, we can talk a long time about why a person chooses to go that path but no matter. He may not celebrate. I do. His birthday and our coming together and forming this very unusual union (but is there a "usual" union out there?) back on October 20, 2005.. It's good to count -- it helps you see the evolution, to understand how nothing stays the same, even as you feel that closeness, intimacy, love.
Ed and I almost never disagree openly. That's probably because if we started to pick on choices made by the other, we'd never stop. We are so different that it's no use dwelling on that. Where does that get you anyway. For us, it's one day at a time. We find the overlap, we focus on that.
Yet, I have to admit that this last year has brought with it a sea of changes, all instigated by me, and though I think the end result is a good one (we live in each others back yard, but not under the same roof), nonetheless, there are challenges. Ed's habits are such that he does not plan ahead. Living together (as we did in the farmhouse for quite a while) allowed us to bypass the arranging of things. Now we are back to having to do that and though Ed rarely (never?) says no to my ideas, still, sometimes I wish I wouldn't have to generate them all the time.
But, there is love. There is a calmness, a harmony, a synergy that grows over time because the longer you are together the more you understand where your sweet spot is together. (Or there is no sweet spot at which point you may as well go your separate ways.)
And so I live alone and yet I cannot imagine a life without Ed. He is in my head, my heart, maybe some other organ, I don't know. He is very much a part of my mindset. Love that has morphed into something solid. Not likely to change now. So, until one of us keels over, we are together.
And yes, he is 76. One of those 76 year olds who loves to ride his bike and play pickle ball and learn new things and design new machines. Loves, too, growing his own tomatoes, harvesting old orchard fruits that no one else would call edible, sailing, sleeping under the stars, petting his cats, hanging out with me. I could also give a list of things he doesn't like: gardening for the visual pleasure of seeing things bloom, an overpopulated planet, buying new things, polluting the environment, cruelty to animals and to people but really, maybe especially to animals, cars and driving, wasting food, drinking alcohol, talking about feelings. There's more, but I think this gives you a good idea of what's what.
We talked about possible things we might do today and in the end we settled for dinner -- of the pizza type, at home, watching a show we like together. But that comes later. Let's take a look at what came before:
A gorgeous day. Just splendid! Sunshine, cool and warm both at the same time -- October perfection.
Millie and I had a lovely evening of following our old routines and now the morning too is back to having that sweetness of predictability, ending up with breakfast in the sunny reading corner, with the pup curled up on my feet. Bliss.
(make room, Millie)
(Millie, on the guitar...)
After she is done resting, I take her to doggie daycare, where she is deliriously happy to see Julie again. Those two! Me, I return home and you will not guess what I do! Or maybe you will?
I rip out more sod and dig out three new holes.
I blame the weather! It's so perfect for garden work! Sure, I could be putting in bulbs. But no. I choose instead to make room for spring dahlias. And the holes? That's for the rose replacement that the nursery is sending me. And, um, for the two other roses because they were practically giving them away this late in the season.
Too, I water the front yard. Tomorrow I'll do Millie's yard. No time for that today -- I need to pick up Snowdrop at school.
We walk Goose, we talk. she plays with her big guy.
And then I'm back to picking up and dropping off. Drop off Snowdrop at Girl Scouts. Pick up boys at Taekwando. Drop off boys at home. Pick up Millie. Did I forget anyone??
Finally my pup and I are home and Ed comes over and she is still a tiny bit apprehensive when he stands up (he is so tall and his booming voice so strong...), but she knows now that this, too is part of our routine. He's part of this household, even if he isn't always on the couch with me...
Happy birthday, Ed. Happy anniversary too!
with so much love...
