emotions

Someday, we will have evolved to unravel what's behind the full range of emotions that we experience throughout our lives. We are nowhere near that point now. On a personal level, I can say that each year brings with it yet another layer of insight, but I'm sure there's a lot more going on about which I haven't a clue. On the one hand -- who cares. There are deeper mysteries of the universe that are a lot more interesting and deciphering those may provide benefits to billions (to say nothing of allowing life as we know it to continue). On the other hand, we, the specks of sand that we are in this vast dessert that is humankind, have a meager few years to make something of our lives and emotions play a vital role in shaping our behavior.

When I was a very young adult still living in Poland, I thought that the American obsession with seeing shrinks and analyzing the psyche were all an indulgence that only people in a rich country would want to do a deep dive into. People in Poland stood in lines for toilet paper. People in America worried about emotional attachments. Sure, there were people who were seriously abusive and mentally unstable. The rest of us should spend time being constructive members of our communities and our families.

These days I'm much less inclined to brush under the carpet all the traumas, disappointments, infatuations that we coasted through in our childhoods and really throughout all our lives. Sometimes understanding brings with it a relief and a path forward. Perhaps thinking too much about our emotions is a waste, given our sparse understanding of it all, but then, how do we evolve if we do not think about that which we do not understand?

I read an article this morning in the NYTimes (this one) about the emerging theories behind limerence.  I'd never heard of the word before. I also read the comments (readers pick) that followed. Apparently, this was one of the most gifted articles from the paper that day (or this month?). People accused the author of engaging in pop psychology, noting that too many would gather around the watercooler admitting to their own experiences with limerence, not really understanding what lead them to that state (of obsession about another human being), too hastily perhaps releasing themselves from responsibility for behaviors that had at its roots a deeper foundation of anxiety, or abandonment, or distress. My reaction was -- well so what? At least they're probing for explanations. Maybe a few decades from now we'll all be grateful for all that pop psychology that propelled us to try to put labels to our wide range of emotions.

As far as my own life is concerned -- well, I certainly have been in love, I've had innumerable crushes on people, and then there were episodes of something I did not fully understand (and I still do not fully understand). And now here I am, finding a new way to look at them: limerance. (Read the article if you want an explanation of the idea. I'd do a poor job of summarizing it here in just a sentence.) Who knew...

All this tumbled around in my head during a beautiful morning breakfast on the porch. Humidity is gone, temps are reasonable,  flowers are gorgeous, puppy is sweet.

After that, I coaxed Millie into her crate and went out to dig some holes for roses that are about to arrive. Not for long though. For one thing, two of the places I'd picked were so solid and dry that I could not make a dent. I needed Ed and the pick-axe for those guys. (He came, he wacked. Thank you Ed!) For another -- my pup started crying pretty quickly. I think she'd be better off left out of the crate, looking out the window perhaps. But she has her impishness still coming through and one destroyed couch cushion is enough for me to think twice about leaving her unconfined.

As luck would have it, the holes that really need work are in her yard. I let her out and set to work there.

(she flies through the air, with the greatest of ease...)

 

 

So how many roses do I still have to plant? Well, 12, in addition to another lilac and a mock orange, out of which two were added late last night. It's the end of the season for growers and they all want to get rid of this year's stock. The sales are fantastic. And the selections are still substantial. Climbing or shrubs, all hardy to my zone, all disease resistant and repeat bloomers throughout the season. It's hard to delete the ads without glancing through them. What? Free shipping and 50% off? Only a few left? Okay, just one more. Then comes the task of figuring out placement. And of course, digging out the needed hole. I must have carried out a hundred buckets of clay and rock today! But talk about that sweeping feeling of contentment! It comes when you dumped your last bucket, washed up, grabbed a sparkling water and sat down. I'm flooded with relief, satisfaction, and yes, contentment. I got this part of it done. I earned my moments on the couch.

 

In the afternoon I pick up Snowdrop from her Young Shakespeare Players program. A dress rehearsal that went on for too long meant that there really wasn't time for her to come over for Millie play or reading. I did get to see her in her Twelfth Night costume ...

And then I drop her off where she is to be picked up by her dad, who was taking Sandpiper to his t-ball practice. Complicated arrangements! What did people do before cell phones and watches that jiggled when a message came through? 

 

Evening: five plants arrived on my doorstep. It took a long time to unpack them and here's something that I have learned in working with roses this year: those canes will draw blood if you do not wear long rose gloves while handling them! I'll plant tomorrow. And I wont be tempted to add more. I wont! At some point, my planting season really should end. Sit in the garden, enjoy what's there. Isn't that the point after all?

with so much love...